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Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 15
New to the forum
Hi,
I joined this forum today because I am a problem drinker and want to attain abstinence for at least a few months, after which time I'll re-evalute whether or not it will be possible for me to ever drink socially again.
I work in a very stressful job that involves counseling people who are in crisis. My co-workers and I frequently get drunk with each other and alone in order to blow off steam and deal with stress. The problem is that although I don't drink every day, I go through a box of wine a week. I know this is too much. Even though I exercise and eat fairly healthy and my alcohol use has not interfered with my job or any significant aspect of my life, I feel guilty when I wake up with mild hangover symptoms and I realize how much I've drunk the day before. Also, I'm a Christian, and know that on a spiritual level my drinking is becoming destructive because I'm seeking relaxation and pleasure from a bottle instead of more productive ways.
I'm considering attending some AA meetings, though I don't identify myself as an alcoholic. As long as people can accept me as a problem drinker who wants to stop and not insist on labeling me as an alcoholic, I think it could be helpful.
I would appreciate any words of encouragement at this point, because this is day #1 and I have a long haul ahead.
Thanks!
Aimee
I joined this forum today because I am a problem drinker and want to attain abstinence for at least a few months, after which time I'll re-evalute whether or not it will be possible for me to ever drink socially again.
I work in a very stressful job that involves counseling people who are in crisis. My co-workers and I frequently get drunk with each other and alone in order to blow off steam and deal with stress. The problem is that although I don't drink every day, I go through a box of wine a week. I know this is too much. Even though I exercise and eat fairly healthy and my alcohol use has not interfered with my job or any significant aspect of my life, I feel guilty when I wake up with mild hangover symptoms and I realize how much I've drunk the day before. Also, I'm a Christian, and know that on a spiritual level my drinking is becoming destructive because I'm seeking relaxation and pleasure from a bottle instead of more productive ways.
I'm considering attending some AA meetings, though I don't identify myself as an alcoholic. As long as people can accept me as a problem drinker who wants to stop and not insist on labeling me as an alcoholic, I think it could be helpful.
I would appreciate any words of encouragement at this point, because this is day #1 and I have a long haul ahead.
Thanks!
Aimee
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Hi Aimee,
Only you can decide if you are an alcoholic or not. A good way to find out will be to do what you are thinking of - stop drinking for a specified period of time and see how it goes. That should answer a lot of questions for you.
Love, Anna
Only you can decide if you are an alcoholic or not. A good way to find out will be to do what you are thinking of - stop drinking for a specified period of time and see how it goes. That should answer a lot of questions for you.
Love, Anna
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Mohave Desert
Posts: 2,306
Hi Aimee...and welcome 
You are wise to get a handle on your drinking or make the decision to quit all together.
You have found a wonderful site with alot of caring and sharing going on.
There is a forum in "Christians in Recovery" that you may enjoy.
Going to an AA meeting would be a good thing, find one that is NOT a closed meeting for alcoholics, is my only suggestion.
We also have meetings here on this site...check under Misc. in the forums for meeting times.
Hang around and read the threads and posts, you will see that you are not alone.
Please ask questions and share what is in your heart, we are here for you.
You are wise to get a handle on your drinking or make the decision to quit all together.
You have found a wonderful site with alot of caring and sharing going on.
There is a forum in "Christians in Recovery" that you may enjoy.
Going to an AA meeting would be a good thing, find one that is NOT a closed meeting for alcoholics, is my only suggestion.
We also have meetings here on this site...check under Misc. in the forums for meeting times.
Hang around and read the threads and posts, you will see that you are not alone.
Please ask questions and share what is in your heart, we are here for you.
Castaway
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 783
I joined this forum today because I am a problem drinker and want to attain abstinence for at least a few months, after which time I'll re-evalute whether or not it will be possible for me to ever drink socially again.
I think this is a fabulous start. You're in the right place to get support. Many newcomers post every day while they're in the first part of abstaining...at least while they're experiencing the more severe withdrawal symptoms. Some of the withdrawal symptoms are misleading and I thought I should start drinking again to relieve them. Don't fall for that trap. Anyway...plenty of help here. Welcome to SR.
Sandy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: UK
Posts: 375
Hi Aimee, encouraged you shall be. Good on you for having the vision and courage to change something. You'll be amazed at the difference being sober makes.
First lesson from Deg... (if I may be so bold) ... You say in your post you work in a stressful job and you get drunk to unwind and relax... That's the sort of trick this drug, alcohol, plays on you. Alcohol doesn't relax or help you unwind. Period. It does precisely the oposite.
Cut the drink, and you'll be less stressed, not more. It's a very similar excuse to 'I need alcohol to relax and be sociable - without it I can't go out and meet people'
You guessed it - also a load of cobblers.
You've shown real courage and strength starting out on this journey, and I wish you all the best I can. You've got what it takes.
Deg.
First lesson from Deg... (if I may be so bold) ... You say in your post you work in a stressful job and you get drunk to unwind and relax... That's the sort of trick this drug, alcohol, plays on you. Alcohol doesn't relax or help you unwind. Period. It does precisely the oposite.
Cut the drink, and you'll be less stressed, not more. It's a very similar excuse to 'I need alcohol to relax and be sociable - without it I can't go out and meet people'
You guessed it - also a load of cobblers.
You've shown real courage and strength starting out on this journey, and I wish you all the best I can. You've got what it takes.
Deg.
just j
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: chicago,illinois
Posts: 174
Hi Aimee!
Welcome! I used to drink a box of wine a week about 6 years ago. I have progressed. I wish I would have addressed the problem back then. Anyway, I think that the advice you have gotten is good. Try to stop for a period (like more than a month) and see. I have stopped for a month before, started back up slowly and ended up right back to where I was a week ago when I finally decided to quit.
I can understand not wanting to say you are an alcoholic. There is a stigma that many attach to it. You don't have to worry about that here whatever you decide!
It is good that you are at least concerned and WANT to find out if it is a serious problem or not. You are the one that makes the call in the end.
I hope you keep posting! Day 8 today for me and I feel great. I have never been to an AA meeting and am committing to going to one this week. I am scared and nervous. I too do not want to be called an alcoholic. However, for me, I think it is what I have to do.
Best, Jalyn
Welcome! I used to drink a box of wine a week about 6 years ago. I have progressed. I wish I would have addressed the problem back then. Anyway, I think that the advice you have gotten is good. Try to stop for a period (like more than a month) and see. I have stopped for a month before, started back up slowly and ended up right back to where I was a week ago when I finally decided to quit.
I can understand not wanting to say you are an alcoholic. There is a stigma that many attach to it. You don't have to worry about that here whatever you decide!
It is good that you are at least concerned and WANT to find out if it is a serious problem or not. You are the one that makes the call in the end.
I hope you keep posting! Day 8 today for me and I feel great. I have never been to an AA meeting and am committing to going to one this week. I am scared and nervous. I too do not want to be called an alcoholic. However, for me, I think it is what I have to do.
Best, Jalyn
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 872
Hi Aimee!!
Well, I think you have the denial thing licked! Good for you recognizing you may have a problem. Then doing something on top of it -- you are way ahead of many in the same situation. I like your "spiritual spirit" -- it comes through...
As for AA. First --know that you don't have to identify yourself as an alcoholic, heck -- you don't have to speak if you don't want to. As Kel said, be sure to find an "open" meeting. It's great that you are open-minded in seeking out different answers. I would suggest getting yourself a copy of the Big Book and reading through it. I found myself all over that book!
I hope you keep posting here, and I am excited for you giving up the wine for even a couple of months -- that is definitely progress! You can then decide which direction you'd like to go (and I stress the word you).
Since you are a spiritual person, it might do some good to ask God for direction and help.
Glad to have you here!
Ken
As for AA. First --know that you don't have to identify yourself as an alcoholic, heck -- you don't have to speak if you don't want to. As Kel said, be sure to find an "open" meeting. It's great that you are open-minded in seeking out different answers. I would suggest getting yourself a copy of the Big Book and reading through it. I found myself all over that book!
I hope you keep posting here, and I am excited for you giving up the wine for even a couple of months -- that is definitely progress! You can then decide which direction you'd like to go (and I stress the word you).
Since you are a spiritual person, it might do some good to ask God for direction and help.
Glad to have you here!
Ken
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 15
Thanks!
Thanks for your encouraging and welcoming posts. I do like this forum, and appreciate that although many folks here are involved in AA, they are not putting forth AA as the only way to stop drinking.
I had inquired about joining another AA sponsored mail list, and emailed the woman in charge and shared with her half of what I shared in my first post on this forum. She emailed me back large quotes from the Big Book, and made all sorts of assumptions about me and my drinking without knowing me at all. That really bothered me. One of the things I have a difficult time with with regard to some members of AA is that if a person doesn't believe they're an alcoholic, they're labeled as being in denial. I would have no problem admitting I was an alcoholic if I believed I was. I'm not physically dependent, have never had to drink daily, and have gone weeks without drinking without going through withdrawal other than the problems sleeping others have mentioned. From everything I've read, my drinking falls into the category of alcohol abuse, not alcohol dependency...so I'm admitting that I abuse alcohol, and I want to stop. And I'm not minimizing my alcohol abuse, because I'm ashamed of it,and know that if I don't stop, it probably will lead to alcoholism.
I don't mean to sound so negative, but that woman's email was very patronizing! You guys, on the other hand, are great.
Thanks again.
I had inquired about joining another AA sponsored mail list, and emailed the woman in charge and shared with her half of what I shared in my first post on this forum. She emailed me back large quotes from the Big Book, and made all sorts of assumptions about me and my drinking without knowing me at all. That really bothered me. One of the things I have a difficult time with with regard to some members of AA is that if a person doesn't believe they're an alcoholic, they're labeled as being in denial. I would have no problem admitting I was an alcoholic if I believed I was. I'm not physically dependent, have never had to drink daily, and have gone weeks without drinking without going through withdrawal other than the problems sleeping others have mentioned. From everything I've read, my drinking falls into the category of alcohol abuse, not alcohol dependency...so I'm admitting that I abuse alcohol, and I want to stop. And I'm not minimizing my alcohol abuse, because I'm ashamed of it,and know that if I don't stop, it probably will lead to alcoholism.
I don't mean to sound so negative, but that woman's email was very patronizing! You guys, on the other hand, are great.
Thanks again.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 872
Uh oh...
..I used the "denial" word... 
Hope you know the denial I'm referring to is that you admit you may have a problem, that's 10 times further than most people get to. I actually KNEW I had a problem, didn't need anyone else to tell me!
Above all things remember -- only YOU can make the decision if you are alcoholic or not. Sobriety is sobriety. If you do choose to go to AA, then "the only requirement for membership....is a desire to stop drinking." End of quote, no denial, just a desire to stop drinking. No one will require you work the steps or get a sponsor, people will just suggest what has and is working for them. You don't even have to drink the coffee!
I'd like to comment on something, though if you don't mind. Please don't think that there are criteria to meet before you consider yourself an alcoholic. You don't need to have physical withdrawals, or drink daily, blackout, drink in the morning. Those are generalizations. I really didn't have much physical withdrawal, minor at best. I happened to drink pretty much daily but know folks who just drank on weekends or once a month. It's not how frequently, just "how" we drank. I also happended to be a blackout drinker, but hey -- not a requirement! I didn't drink in the A.M., never went to jail,or got a DUI, or any of that stuff. Yet -- I'm an alcoholic.
Just asking you to keep an open mind and learn. Again, congratulations on the decision to give up booze for a while -- every day sober helps!
Ken
Hope you know the denial I'm referring to is that you admit you may have a problem, that's 10 times further than most people get to. I actually KNEW I had a problem, didn't need anyone else to tell me!Above all things remember -- only YOU can make the decision if you are alcoholic or not. Sobriety is sobriety. If you do choose to go to AA, then "the only requirement for membership....is a desire to stop drinking." End of quote, no denial, just a desire to stop drinking. No one will require you work the steps or get a sponsor, people will just suggest what has and is working for them. You don't even have to drink the coffee!
I'd like to comment on something, though if you don't mind. Please don't think that there are criteria to meet before you consider yourself an alcoholic. You don't need to have physical withdrawals, or drink daily, blackout, drink in the morning. Those are generalizations. I really didn't have much physical withdrawal, minor at best. I happened to drink pretty much daily but know folks who just drank on weekends or once a month. It's not how frequently, just "how" we drank. I also happended to be a blackout drinker, but hey -- not a requirement! I didn't drink in the A.M., never went to jail,or got a DUI, or any of that stuff. Yet -- I'm an alcoholic.
Just asking you to keep an open mind and learn. Again, congratulations on the decision to give up booze for a while -- every day sober helps!
Ken
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi Aimee and welcome!
You'll find all kinds of support here, and learn more as you go along. It's a good thing to realize that your drinking is as comfortable for you as it used to be. We make no judgements here, and can only encourage you to seek out the answers your looking for. Check out our recovery links for alternate resources. You'll find a great deal of information. I'd like to suggest you look at Women for Sobriety and Moderation management. Perhaps there will be something of interest for you to help you out along the way.
We're glad your here!
You'll find all kinds of support here, and learn more as you go along. It's a good thing to realize that your drinking is as comfortable for you as it used to be. We make no judgements here, and can only encourage you to seek out the answers your looking for. Check out our recovery links for alternate resources. You'll find a great deal of information. I'd like to suggest you look at Women for Sobriety and Moderation management. Perhaps there will be something of interest for you to help you out along the way.
We're glad your here!
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