steffi123

Hello,

I stopped drinking recently and just started to realize that a lot of my "close Friends" were actually just drinking buddies.

Only one or two of the girls in my circle of friends are happy to go for lunch together, or go to the cinema, and in general do something that doesn't involve drinking. But most of the others that I used to hang out with, who are heavy drinkers by themselves, don't want to do something that wouldn't allow them to have a few glasses of Wine, which mostly leads to "let's meet in the pub and have fun" events.

After you stopped to drink, how did you and how did your friends deal with that situation?

Venecia

Sometimes, life events reveal the distinction between fair-weather friends and real ones.

It's not easy, but you may need to relegate your drinking friends to a different status. The ones who are willing to go to lunch or cinema or non-drinking events are your tried-and-true friends.

New friendships emerge as we grow. Take heart in that and enjoy those lunches and movies.

Tc4ever

Congrats on Quitting drinking Steffi. For me not drinking is the highest priority I have and I will not let anything or anybody stand in the way of my pursuit of peace and happiness....
Keep up the good work......
TC

Wholesome

I've been pondering this myself lately. I think it's where the sober living comes up..... rebuilding a social network in many ways because the one we had supported out addiction. I guess it's the kind of thing that happens over time as we figure out who we are sober? I'm in the midst of it myself, wish I could give you a better answer

When I've gone out with my friends who are drinkers I planned it around an event like dinner or lunch and left right after eating. I've been turning down lots of invites out. I'm making myself talk to people where ever I go. Just all around making more of an effort to break out of my comfort zone so I can potentially meet new people who aren't heavy drinkers.... but it's a process and I'm still spending a lot of time alone with my family.

Best of luck to you

thomas11

Hi Steffi, I'm sure its difficult, especially if you are a people person. But you will soon be able to discern genuine friends from drinking buddies. And that will make all the difference. For now anyway, everything should be focused on you, as selfish as that may sound.

BarbieKen

Hi,
After getting into my recovery, it dawned on me that I didn't have any true friends left. Yes, like others, I had drinking girlfriends. Then I ended up isolating in my kitchen....alone with my best friend alcohol!
In my brief time in recovery I have had to change a great many things in my life. I've also been given some gifts in sobriety too! A huge change is having people I like in my life. I still do not have a best friend. I am willing to socialize with my new friends in the program. Still, I hold back a lot of me.
I'm just starting with this matter with my Sponsor. And, I have my 1st appt with a therapist on Wednesday. The stopping of the drinking turned out to be quite easy. Checked in to detox, and haven't had the desire to drink. The rebuilding and the digging out the crap in my soul ...those are the challenges today. I do it ODAAT with my HP and the tools I have in my recovery.
Bobbi

MelindaFlowers

My friends didn't like me when I would blackout and cry and yell so I think they actually liked the new tame version of me. None of my friends are alcoholics though. I found that I was losing friends while drinking and I'm keeping friends now that I'm sober.

zjw

i had one friendship that was built on good times and drunken drugged fun etc.. this friends calmed down some over the years but the mindset is still there for him but not for me at least not in an unhealthy way being on this side of recovery its a different view I guess.

the crummy thing is we where good friends but now with a different perspective its hard to continue on with this friendship. Its full of nothing but negative stuff and it doesnt really do much for my well being. I'm happier without this person then with and it stinks cause I thought we where good friends too Perhaps we where it just wasnt a healthy friendship i guess.

mcfearless

I've tossed out all my hard drinking friends. There was just nothing there beyond that and I find drunk people intolerable when I am sober.

There no lack of things to do other than drink, I can't believe I wasted 17 good years on that past time.

Berrybean

Just found this quote noted in my little yellow AA & Sobriety notebook (can't remember where I heard it)....

"Drinkers are like crabs in a bucket. If one tries to climb out, the others try to claw it back in."

Liveitwell

^^ this times 100...out of the crab trap. I'm a former alkie and just divirced my alcoholic husband who I love very much and in turn divirced his alcoholic family. To say they've tried to tear my legs off would be an understatement.

steffi123

Thanks all for your replies. You are right, of course, there is no other way, I must separate myself from the drinking friends, yet, it isn't easy, since I still consider them friends somehow.

otter

Lot's of good advice in this thread but as a man who loves a good analogy.

dsmaxis10

Turns out my best friend growing up I said if you want to go fishing or have me over when you hang out with your family call me I'll come over he has never called except to go to bars or tennesse were there would be a bunch of drinking.

Berrybean

Could you call and ask him to go fishing or hand out?

My heavy-drinker friends and partner will tag often tag along with me on non-drinking things if I ask / invite them, but I need to initiate it. These things just wouldn't occur to them - just as it wouldn't have occurred to me when I was drinking. Even my non-drinking friends don't always think of me as someone who'd be interested in an alcohol free excursion as I HAVEN'T been for the last 30 years. It takes time for people to change their thinking.

There was recently some old footage found of the carnival day 1988 where I grew up. So many of my friends from growing up are there, taking part , and they've said "I can't see you there. Where were you?" I don't know exactly where I was, but I bet there was a drink in my hand, and that wouldn't have been possible at the Carnival. How much have I missed sharing with others over the years because I preferred to be drinking??? No wonder they don't think to ask me yet, just because I've been sober and interested for 16 months. Oh well - hopefully this will change with time, and meanwhile I need to be the instigator of those non-drinking excursions; activities and meet-ups.