Paulos

Three women of my life I thought I was in love with, three of 'em, and all three I failed them or they failed me- I say I failed them- espescially my therapist. So here's the quotes, I knew Joanne for 5 years, great RPGer of mine but got hooked on drugs and left me- then Aoi Shimizu my favorite pupil, made projects together and did wonderful things we LARPed and played so much well- then she ended our relationship due to mental/drug issues 2 years ago then killed herself in December 3st 2014, now my female therapist who I knew for 3 years who led me on sexually and the molestation. Ahem- so here was my little... statement of what they said in our most intimate moments and my response in my pathetic poetic way. *How I'm still sane, I don't know*

"Paul, I think that this world seems strange and that there is something wrong."-Joanne

"I was dreaming of ... such a beautiful world where everybody lives in peace." -Aoi

"If this is all humanity has to offer, I do not wish to embrace it anymore."

Aoi, Joanne, ... I have learned that a utopia for all beings will never exist.

Despite my skepticism on belonging to one side of love or hate, all the evils.

Suffering, sorrows, and grief in this world

If I pray for anything if even such a concept means a thing, then that- all these will turn into their opposites.

Evil to good...

Suffering to pleasure...

Sorrow to joy...

. . . grief to hope.

Some day.- Paulos

fini

paulos,
your post is making me concerned, though i'm not sure exactly about what.
you sound very stressed in this looking-back.
and just to say that mentioning identifying details about others and yourself isn't really safe in cyberspace.
i hope you're okay...

bigsombrero

While that may have been therapeutic for you, it might be good to stop dwelling on such matters. The reality of your life is NOW, man. Put your video games, role playing games, and live-action role playing on hold for a while and step into the great outdoors for a breather.

We've all got a sob story about "the one that got away". Many of us have found that instead of wallowing in the past does us more harm than good. Maybe you can follow up with a post talking about how you are doing today and what you plan on doing tomorrow? What's up in life?

Elodie

Hey, Paulos. I'm sorry that you're hurting. I don't think you should be putting people's first and last names online.

greens

Paulos have you sought out any help from a rape crisis counselor or anything like that? You are in my thoughts