Berrybean

It's a while since I've felt it, but last night I experienced that feeling that I used to live with every day. Debilitating fear. I'm sure you all know what I mean...

Tightening of the chest
Shallow breathing
Slight dizziness
A head full of 'I can't'
Blowing everything completely out of proportion

Mine was a financial matter (something that in the past I've allowed to get well and truly out of control - debt to my ears and boxes and boxes full of unopened mail where I was well and truly living in denial).
As I'm determined to not go back to that, and recognise my fear for what it is now, I did what I always should have done. I told my partner. He is not sympathetic in these matters, but he does understand my behaviour patterns (and I've also calmly and clearly explained how it feels physically and emotionally when it wasn't going on, so that he stands some chance of pushing me through it).

Anyway - he stood over me while I sorted out what needed to be done, answering every 'I can't' with tough love and reason, and I got through it. Now sorted til the end of the month. And if it hadn't worked out that way, at least I'd have known what I'm dealing with.

Because the fear has been brought under control so gradually, I'd not really appreciated how much better I am. That little 'episode' was a good reminder. I am so full of gratitude to not be living in the grip of fear on a daily basis any more. This is sobriety!!

Fluffer

Way to go with confronting your fears, Beccs. I've always found that when I confront something I fear, the fear goes away. When I give in to fear and run away from something, it grows larger and larger in my head. Hence whenever possible I try to slay my demons head-on as soon as possible. I'm not sure how it's related to alcohol (except that alcohol causes fear and procrastination in many people), but facing down fears and taking action is certainly key to effective living.

zjw

I do that as well when I have an episode I remind myself it could be worse it could be like all time which is how it was when i drank.

I'm noticing now different degrees of freak out stuff. For example I might have underlying anxiety, Or I might have worries or concerns, Or I might have freak out fests, Or I might have full blown panic attacks.

Now at 4 years sobriety I'm finding hte panic is clearly less often. the freak out fests are like all the time still well more often then I'd like But I started a new supplement and I'm noticing those staying in check.

and for me I could appear outwardly cool as a cucumber to the world but inside i'm freaking out etc.. I put up a good front i guess Or I think i do.

I'm mainly trying to point out the various degrees of I suppose a heightened state of concern? as it seems to be like some new revelation to me these various states I can be in. Before I always felt like i was either in freak out mode or panic mode those where the only 2 states and I thought it was normal.. ::facepalm::

ArtFriend

I used to get those kinds of panic fear episodes, but I haven't had them in some time now. I remember one time sitting in a restaurant drinking coffee and I went into a panic about my finances...then it spread to other things. I totally flipped out. Had to throw money on the table and run to my car and hyperventilate.

Glad your partner was able to help you Beccy! That is cool

zjw

yeah it really can spiral out of control fast. I notice part of my problem is i want everything now. I think every situation should work out now. if i know say today i'm going to accomplish x,y,z over the course of the day I tend to want to accomplish all of it in the same instant this causes me to get overwhelmed fast. Its like I dont like to allow things to come about in there own time or work through the stuff i need to tend too in steps and be ok with it being done when it is done.