Missing relief in a bottle?
p***enger
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
Missing relief in a bottle?
Oh yeah, I want a break. I'm tired.
But I remember when I'd be exhausted from drinking (always), and the only kind of relief I knew was to drink more, and then after days & days of that, I'd really tie one on with a vengeance, and I'd get to that strung-out shaky point, and maybe taper off a little, just a little, for a day or two at most, before starting on the next cycle. Did you do that?
I was way tired-er then. People would tell me how tired I looked. They meant, whether they knew it or not, that I looked strung out.
(By the way, never tell a woman she looks tired. She doesn't really want to respond, oh yeah, I am, thanks for picking up on that.)
So I don't miss the "relief" of a drink. That's chasing phantoms. Are you still buying the illusion, or not?
But I remember when I'd be exhausted from drinking (always), and the only kind of relief I knew was to drink more, and then after days & days of that, I'd really tie one on with a vengeance, and I'd get to that strung-out shaky point, and maybe taper off a little, just a little, for a day or two at most, before starting on the next cycle. Did you do that?
I was way tired-er then. People would tell me how tired I looked. They meant, whether they knew it or not, that I looked strung out.
(By the way, never tell a woman she looks tired. She doesn't really want to respond, oh yeah, I am, thanks for picking up on that.)
So I don't miss the "relief" of a drink. That's chasing phantoms. Are you still buying the illusion, or not?
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Yeah. I chased that "relief" found in drunkenness too back in my day. Even as it failed, even as I went from blackout to blackout, the chase continued. How friggin' addicted to that said "relief" was that??! WOW.
Still buying? Not me. And I'll never buy in again. I'm all stocked up on crazy, lol.
Still buying? Not me. And I'll never buy in again. I'm all stocked up on crazy, lol.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
You know, sometimes life in recovery is just plain weird.
I think there will always be that fraction of me that has the occasional (or infrequent) mental flirtation with the thought of a drink, even if it's momentary. And I may well spend the rest of my life working on keeping that wolf far, far from my door.
The other night, though, I was at a concert.* It had rained mightily right up until about an hour before the band took the stage, leaving big puddles on the surface under the seats. So many people brought a beer in that when they finished and crunched the cans underneath them, the last few drops dribbled out and mixed in with the rainwater. Consequently, the air was drenched with the smell of beer.
I used to be more of a wino, but I was something of a beero, too. And yet there was no attraction or desire, despite the fact that every inhalation for a good solid three hours brought the smell of beer into my brain. Probably the most exposure I've had in the near-20 months since going sober.
My theory? So many times in social settings, I had to struggle to "moderate" because I couldn't have as much as I wanted. And I always wanted a lot. I think there was no desire because I felt a sense of tremendous relief in knowing I no longer had to deal with the sheer exhaustion of wanting more, but knowing it wasn't a good idea in public. In fact, I felt very peaceful about the whole thing.
* BTW, the concert was The Stones. One of the most joyous 2.5 hours of my entire life. I realized I was smiling constantly, in addition to dancing, singing and actually howling (hoo-hoo, hoo-hoo).
I think there will always be that fraction of me that has the occasional (or infrequent) mental flirtation with the thought of a drink, even if it's momentary. And I may well spend the rest of my life working on keeping that wolf far, far from my door.
The other night, though, I was at a concert.* It had rained mightily right up until about an hour before the band took the stage, leaving big puddles on the surface under the seats. So many people brought a beer in that when they finished and crunched the cans underneath them, the last few drops dribbled out and mixed in with the rainwater. Consequently, the air was drenched with the smell of beer.
I used to be more of a wino, but I was something of a beero, too. And yet there was no attraction or desire, despite the fact that every inhalation for a good solid three hours brought the smell of beer into my brain. Probably the most exposure I've had in the near-20 months since going sober.
My theory? So many times in social settings, I had to struggle to "moderate" because I couldn't have as much as I wanted. And I always wanted a lot. I think there was no desire because I felt a sense of tremendous relief in knowing I no longer had to deal with the sheer exhaustion of wanting more, but knowing it wasn't a good idea in public. In fact, I felt very peaceful about the whole thing.
* BTW, the concert was The Stones. One of the most joyous 2.5 hours of my entire life. I realized I was smiling constantly, in addition to dancing, singing and actually howling (hoo-hoo, hoo-hoo).
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
That has been my biggest struggle...how to do consistently find relief and relaxation without alcohol assistance. But of course the relief was merely temporary with alcohol, and toward the end there was none at all....it was merely BAC mantenance to avoid withdrwals. I never want that again.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Somewhere in California
Posts: 1,136
I'm trying to learn to live life and face things head on. Relief from a bottle always meant hiding from or avoiding problems. Or drinking problems away. The relief from the bottle was only temporary, and made life far worse overall.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hi courage
Not buying the illusion anymore, no - but for years I did. For me, it took a life in ruins to convince me to stop. Try it again and I will die.
All stocked up on crazy, just like Robby.
Not buying the illusion anymore, no - but for years I did. For me, it took a life in ruins to convince me to stop. Try it again and I will die.
All stocked up on crazy, just like Robby.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Oh hellz yeah I miss the "Instant Relief Just Add Alcohol".
My last relapse, after 8 months of sobriety, when I took the first few sips of that gin martini, I swear to God, it was like my very sick feeling brain felt finally normal again. On the way home, I just looked at my husband and sighed - I can NOT believe how I feel. It was as if the key fit the lock and nirvana open up again.
That lasted about, oh, a week maybe.
Then, it turned on me with such a vengeance, it was almost as if it had been f ing with me all along. Just teasing me with Zen Brain until all hell broke loose like nothing I had ever experienced. The medicine, swiftly became the poison, without my knowledge, and certainly without my permission. I was never more sick, never more depressed, never more anxious, never closer to major organ damage, then I was this last relapse.
And just like that, I was back to gulping warm gin out of the bottle.
I'm currently fighting the mindset, "Hmmmm, I wonder if alcoholism takes a vacation ?" As I'm headed out for a few days to my sanctuary by the sea.
No Alpha, you silly little freak. It does not. :/
Soldier on Courage.
My last relapse, after 8 months of sobriety, when I took the first few sips of that gin martini, I swear to God, it was like my very sick feeling brain felt finally normal again. On the way home, I just looked at my husband and sighed - I can NOT believe how I feel. It was as if the key fit the lock and nirvana open up again.
That lasted about, oh, a week maybe.
Then, it turned on me with such a vengeance, it was almost as if it had been f ing with me all along. Just teasing me with Zen Brain until all hell broke loose like nothing I had ever experienced. The medicine, swiftly became the poison, without my knowledge, and certainly without my permission. I was never more sick, never more depressed, never more anxious, never closer to major organ damage, then I was this last relapse.
And just like that, I was back to gulping warm gin out of the bottle.
I'm currently fighting the mindset, "Hmmmm, I wonder if alcoholism takes a vacation ?" As I'm headed out for a few days to my sanctuary by the sea.
No Alpha, you silly little freak. It does not. :/
Soldier on Courage.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
My relief today is focusing on the solution. I spent so many years focused on the problem it made me, well - tired.
Numerous options for relief are indeed available that do not involve the bottle et al.......
So glad
Numerous options for relief are indeed available that do not involve the bottle et al.......
So glad
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas
Posts: 1,736
Great thread with brilliant responses. Just what I needed exactly when I needed it.
Confession time. I have been flirting a bit with the "Can I's?" & "Should I's?" lately. Whenever I do it scares the living crap out of me. Not the thoughts so much - I can deal with those - they're just passing fantasies. It's the memories of all the lies, the exhaustion & the misery all of you described here that scares me enough to keep me sober.
And threads like this.
And people like all of you.
Thank you for the reminder.
Confession time. I have been flirting a bit with the "Can I's?" & "Should I's?" lately. Whenever I do it scares the living crap out of me. Not the thoughts so much - I can deal with those - they're just passing fantasies. It's the memories of all the lies, the exhaustion & the misery all of you described here that scares me enough to keep me sober.
And threads like this.
And people like all of you.
Thank you for the reminder.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
the thing is for me that when i sobered up it was so i would be real with reality, no matter what.
as sobriety lengthened, the greatest relief is experiencing i don't need or want the bottled kind.
and after a while sober(okay, quite a while) i also realized that the number of occasions and intensity of "need relief NOW!!" occasions got smaller and smaller.
as sobriety lengthened, the greatest relief is experiencing i don't need or want the bottled kind.
and after a while sober(okay, quite a while) i also realized that the number of occasions and intensity of "need relief NOW!!" occasions got smaller and smaller.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 42
You don't know how badly I needed this discussion right now. Day 3 and I have had a doosy. Very stressful day at work....finally get a "break"...some jerk hit my car in the parking lot...and a random stranger saw it and left me a note with his license plate number and a full description. Had to file a police report...and then as I'm leaving I get a text from a good friend with a pic of her patio /fire pit and a lovely bottle of wine....glass poured of course screaming "come over!!!"....literally. Shoot me now....lol
This thread reminds me that relief does not come in a bottle. So thanks.
This thread reminds me that relief does not come in a bottle. So thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I did all that, courage. The feeling and looking tired-er than tired too.
Do I fantasize about drinking these days? Well, sure, sometimes... I can't erase from my memory what I liked in it. But I fantasize about lots of things I would never do, or did in the past but would not do again. I find it's best not to fight these thoughts, just let them be, and then let them go.
Do I fantasize about drinking these days? Well, sure, sometimes... I can't erase from my memory what I liked in it. But I fantasize about lots of things I would never do, or did in the past but would not do again. I find it's best not to fight these thoughts, just let them be, and then let them go.
p***enger
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
Originally Posted by alphaomega 
My last relapse, after 8 months of sobriety, when I took the first few sips of that gin martini, I swear to God, it was like my very sick feeling brain felt finally normal again.
I feel very fortunate now that I have a very strong sense that if I sought relief in a bottle again (btw AO, warm gin was my staple, too), it would likely be a final kind of thing. Also that no matter how ugly I'm afraid it might be, the reality would like be uglier.
AO, treat yourself well!
p***enger
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
the relief was merely temporary with alcohol, and toward the end there was none at all....it was merely BAC mantenance to avoid withdrwals.
p***enger
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,044
Originally Posted by haennie
II fantasize about lots of things I would never do, or did in the past but would not do again.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Alcohol had nothing to offer me anymore. Like many others here, I was very sick and my body was damaged in the end so the alcohol did not process the same way. When I drank I felt flushed, panicked, uneasy, and agitated.
I literally could not drink myself happy anymore, no matter how hard I tried.
I drank probably the last two years without any enjoyment. It was really weird. I bought it. I drank it but the thought of not buying or drinking it was impossible to imagine. Just going through the motions. An addict who's pretty far down the path, or end-stage NEVER feels good. EVER. They are either withdrawing/hungover or doing their drug if choice trying to feel good but failing. But trying to recapture how the alcohol used to make them feel.
I am relieved to say that alcohol holds no temptation for me. What I used to seek from it was gone. A few drinks makes most people feel great. A few drinks to a sick alcoholic makes them feel terrible.
I literally could not drink myself happy anymore, no matter how hard I tried.
I drank probably the last two years without any enjoyment. It was really weird. I bought it. I drank it but the thought of not buying or drinking it was impossible to imagine. Just going through the motions. An addict who's pretty far down the path, or end-stage NEVER feels good. EVER. They are either withdrawing/hungover or doing their drug if choice trying to feel good but failing. But trying to recapture how the alcohol used to make them feel.
I am relieved to say that alcohol holds no temptation for me. What I used to seek from it was gone. A few drinks makes most people feel great. A few drinks to a sick alcoholic makes them feel terrible.
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