Had This Conversation With My Husband
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
Had This Conversation With My Husband
So, he just got home, and I started to talk to him. He said that I was the one who wanted a margarita for dinner. This is what I told him:
I told him that the other night he stated that because he drinks and I don't, then this is a problem. Tonight I told him that this is true, it is a problem, but that I am willing to try and find a solution to it. I told him that if he continues to drink while at movies and other inappropriate times, then we will have a problem. I told him that I don't know if I still would have ordered a margarita for dinner if he had not drank earlier at the movies, but I did tell him that I was feeling hopeless about the situation in thinking about a future in which my husband is always drinking. I also told him that it would be great to try and keep alcohol out of the house, unless he needs to bring one home on his off day and finishes it that night.
He seemed pretty agreeable.
I told him that the other night he stated that because he drinks and I don't, then this is a problem. Tonight I told him that this is true, it is a problem, but that I am willing to try and find a solution to it. I told him that if he continues to drink while at movies and other inappropriate times, then we will have a problem. I told him that I don't know if I still would have ordered a margarita for dinner if he had not drank earlier at the movies, but I did tell him that I was feeling hopeless about the situation in thinking about a future in which my husband is always drinking. I also told him that it would be great to try and keep alcohol out of the house, unless he needs to bring one home on his off day and finishes it that night.
He seemed pretty agreeable.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Economy
Posts: 19
If he doesn't have a physical dependence, then it's just a matter of your abstinence/moderating/whatever you choose, and his drinking shouldn't be an issue unless he's literally shoving margaritas in your face and shaming you into drinking outside of your plan.
Just have some self-control if abstinence is the way you're going, and tell him that- it shouldn't bug you if he drinks just because you went sober, unless he gets wild or gets shaky if he doesn't have a drink.
Just have some self-control if abstinence is the way you're going, and tell him that- it shouldn't bug you if he drinks just because you went sober, unless he gets wild or gets shaky if he doesn't have a drink.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
if he has no dependancy it should be a cake walk for him. if it is not maybe you both can go to an aa meeting or something.
its a really sticky issue however. Do you think if it was the other way around you'd have an easy time to put your drink down?
I know in my case I would have chosen booze over my wife so very easily.
it was not until /I/ chose to quit that i quit. she could complain all she wanted she coulda walked out that door it wouldnt have mattered I woulda chosen booze over her. Not becuase I didnt love her. I loved her to death. But I'm an alcoholic and nothing but me can come between me and my booze.
its a really sticky issue however. Do you think if it was the other way around you'd have an easy time to put your drink down?
I know in my case I would have chosen booze over my wife so very easily.
it was not until /I/ chose to quit that i quit. she could complain all she wanted she coulda walked out that door it wouldnt have mattered I woulda chosen booze over her. Not becuase I didnt love her. I loved her to death. But I'm an alcoholic and nothing but me can come between me and my booze.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Vashon WA
Posts: 1,035
I agree with everything that ZJW just said, that was me when I was a drunk. My wife put up with me drinking inappropriately for years. Maybe it was an unspoken agreement that as long as I didn't make a fool out myself it was okay. Maybe it has to do with her drinking or some kind of power trip. I don't know, I got to let that stuff go with sobriety.
The longer you go without drinking the less of an issue these types of things are. In early sobriety I worried a lot about other people's drinking and what they would think of me not drinking, what I would say, how I would react, just generally thinking about drinking I guess. Now I know it will never be entirely off my radar, I drank alcoholically for 25 years, but it doesn't bother me any more. Maybe this belongs in the miracle thread you started!
The longer you go without drinking the less of an issue these types of things are. In early sobriety I worried a lot about other people's drinking and what they would think of me not drinking, what I would say, how I would react, just generally thinking about drinking I guess. Now I know it will never be entirely off my radar, I drank alcoholically for 25 years, but it doesn't bother me any more. Maybe this belongs in the miracle thread you started!
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