My situation
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 3
My situation
I am wondering what people think of my situation:
In my younger years, i was a big drinker, would drink most weekend nights until I blacked out. I did some bad things while on these binges.
Now in my thrities, I still drink quite often. A typical evening is come home from work, drink 4 or 5 beers and a few glasses of wine, get a nice buzz, watch TV with the wife, and go to bed. I would say this pattern repeats itself 3 or 4 night s a week(including weekends) and the other nights, I drink no alcohol at all and on the nights I do drink, I never get out of control or black out.
My wife who has been with me since my younger years, claims I am an alcoholic. I would like to hear other peoples opinions. My thinking is she thinks back to the binge drinking times and associates that with my current behavior and gets angry.
I really do enjoy drinking. I have stopped drinking for periods of times, weeks/months, without much trouble, but I enjoy life more when having a few cold ones.
Curious to hear what people think
Thanks
In my younger years, i was a big drinker, would drink most weekend nights until I blacked out. I did some bad things while on these binges.
Now in my thrities, I still drink quite often. A typical evening is come home from work, drink 4 or 5 beers and a few glasses of wine, get a nice buzz, watch TV with the wife, and go to bed. I would say this pattern repeats itself 3 or 4 night s a week(including weekends) and the other nights, I drink no alcohol at all and on the nights I do drink, I never get out of control or black out.
My wife who has been with me since my younger years, claims I am an alcoholic. I would like to hear other peoples opinions. My thinking is she thinks back to the binge drinking times and associates that with my current behavior and gets angry.
I really do enjoy drinking. I have stopped drinking for periods of times, weeks/months, without much trouble, but I enjoy life more when having a few cold ones.
Curious to hear what people think
Thanks
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
If your drinking is causing problems in your marriage, why not quit for a year and see how things go? If you aren't alcohol dependent, that should not be difficult.
The recommendation by medical standards is (for men) to not exceed two alcoholic beverages in a day, and not to exceed 14 in a week. So you could be on the way to medical problems, at the very least.
The recommendation by medical standards is (for men) to not exceed two alcoholic beverages in a day, and not to exceed 14 in a week. So you could be on the way to medical problems, at the very least.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
my wife used to tell me nonsense like that too. I figured i had no drinking problem at all because there where plenty of beers in the fridge and the beer store was fully stocked in case i ran out so what was the issue? Drinking was not a problem for me. I repeat I did not have a drinking problem!. Now mind you i was overweight i had panic attacks money issues and many other problems but drinking was not a problem for me.
On a whim to see if it would help with the panic attacks I quit drinking. it was killer sobering up. went through hell 8 9 10 months sober I'd still tell you do not and never did have a drinking problem! It was never a problem for me. Sure my wife complained sure i spent a lot of money on beer whatever but it was not a problem for me.
After a year when my life started to turn around and i had battled hell getting sober. I wanted a slap on the back for getting sober and none came why should it right I didnt have a drinking problem? then I came here then I went to AA then I realized I'm an alcoholic and that all along all those other problems i had many of them anyhow where related to or caused by my drinking. That many of my problems where not so bad once i quit drinking etc..
Only way to really find out I guess is to quit for a while see how it goes. I quit once for 30 days. Then i ordered a beer with dinner adn was stoppen for a 6 pack on the way home and then i was a daily drinker all over again.
I dunno if 30 days is long enough to prove if one is an alcoholic or not.
The other thing is really what purpose does it serve to consume alcohol all the time> its not exactly good for you and its not like its needed fuel for our bodies to burn. Aside from recreation theres not much reason to consume it maybe find another way to unwind?
I thought I could quit cigarettes once by saying i was not hooked to nicotine but that I loved smoking! so i got nicotine free cigarettes to prove this point! I smoked the pack in an hour and promptly ran out for cigarettes with nicotine. I then learned that i was addicted to nicotine not smoking.
On a whim to see if it would help with the panic attacks I quit drinking. it was killer sobering up. went through hell 8 9 10 months sober I'd still tell you do not and never did have a drinking problem! It was never a problem for me. Sure my wife complained sure i spent a lot of money on beer whatever but it was not a problem for me.
After a year when my life started to turn around and i had battled hell getting sober. I wanted a slap on the back for getting sober and none came why should it right I didnt have a drinking problem? then I came here then I went to AA then I realized I'm an alcoholic and that all along all those other problems i had many of them anyhow where related to or caused by my drinking. That many of my problems where not so bad once i quit drinking etc..
Only way to really find out I guess is to quit for a while see how it goes. I quit once for 30 days. Then i ordered a beer with dinner adn was stoppen for a 6 pack on the way home and then i was a daily drinker all over again.
I dunno if 30 days is long enough to prove if one is an alcoholic or not.
The other thing is really what purpose does it serve to consume alcohol all the time> its not exactly good for you and its not like its needed fuel for our bodies to burn. Aside from recreation theres not much reason to consume it maybe find another way to unwind?
I thought I could quit cigarettes once by saying i was not hooked to nicotine but that I loved smoking! so i got nicotine free cigarettes to prove this point! I smoked the pack in an hour and promptly ran out for cigarettes with nicotine. I then learned that i was addicted to nicotine not smoking.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
I think the suggestion to take an extended break sounds like a good one. If you have no problem going an extended period without alcohol you will probably have your answer, and you might even find that your life is better without it.
Drinking 4-5 beers and more wine on top of that though is quite a bit at a sitting, especially if you are doing it more often than not. By some estimations, anytime you drink more than 5 units at a sitting it is considered Binge drinking.
At the end of the day though, you need to make the decision on what is best for yourself.
Drinking 4-5 beers and more wine on top of that though is quite a bit at a sitting, especially if you are doing it more often than not. By some estimations, anytime you drink more than 5 units at a sitting it is considered Binge drinking.
At the end of the day though, you need to make the decision on what is best for yourself.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
I was much like you during my active alcoholism days. I'm a 6'0" 175 lb. A typical evening for me was to come home from work, drink 4 or 5 beers and a few glasses of wine, get a nice buzz.
That's not normal drinking.
What's the worst that could happen if you cut down? Maybe a lifestyle change is needed right now - this probably isn't healthy for you. Slowing down or quitting altogether might be right for you. It's hard to admit we've got drinking problems, so I understand your reluctance to probably quit or whatever. But at this pace, your long-term health outlook would greatly benefit from stopping. Good luck and welcome!
That's not normal drinking.
What's the worst that could happen if you cut down? Maybe a lifestyle change is needed right now - this probably isn't healthy for you. Slowing down or quitting altogether might be right for you. It's hard to admit we've got drinking problems, so I understand your reluctance to probably quit or whatever. But at this pace, your long-term health outlook would greatly benefit from stopping. Good luck and welcome!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Originally Posted by mcnulty1980 
Thanks for all the responses. I know what the right choice is. It just sucks, wish I could have it both ways. I need to do what's right for my family.
Eventually I just acceptted the fact that it didnt work out for me and moved on no biggie.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Hi and welcome McNulty 
Noone here can really tell you if you're an alcoholic or not - but if drinking doesn't mean that much to you, and not drinking keeps your wife happy, I think it's a no brainer.
If you find not drinking difficult then you might want to reassess the situation?
D
Noone here can really tell you if you're an alcoholic or not - but if drinking doesn't mean that much to you, and not drinking keeps your wife happy, I think it's a no brainer.
If you find not drinking difficult then you might want to reassess the situation?
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Originally Posted by mcnulty1980
Thanks for all the responses. I know what the right choice is. It just sucks, wish I could have it both ways. I need to do what's right for my family.
You also mentioned you're going to quit because it's right for your family? What about doing this for YOURSELF? The person who wants you to get sober the most...maybe it's you. If it's not, maybe it should be.
Stick around, post, and see what's up around the boards. You might not relate to everyone here, but I guarantee something will strike a chord.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
I remember talking to my therapist once about my drinking habits, which I thought were COMPLETELY NORMAL.
When she asked me how often I blacked out, I said "Oh, I dunno. Once maybe twice a week. Not much". She looked at me like I had a bird growing out of my nose.
I was all "What ?"
She proceeded to ask me "you think it's completely normal to black out a few times a week and you wonder why you are anxious and depressed ???" I told her my anxiety and depression surely had NOTHING to do with my alcohol consumption and everything to do with the people in my life stressing me out.
Yep. I was THAT far in denial
Welcome aboard !
When she asked me how often I blacked out, I said "Oh, I dunno. Once maybe twice a week. Not much". She looked at me like I had a bird growing out of my nose.
I was all "What ?"
She proceeded to ask me "you think it's completely normal to black out a few times a week and you wonder why you are anxious and depressed ???" I told her my anxiety and depression surely had NOTHING to do with my alcohol consumption and everything to do with the people in my life stressing me out.
Yep. I was THAT far in denial
Welcome aboard !
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Let's do a reality check.
4 to 5 beers + 2 glasses of wine = drunk by any standard of normal drinking
4 out of 7 nights = 57%
So
You are drunk 57% of all days or 208 days a year.
What ever you want to call it these are simply the facts. The problem with alcoholism is it only gets worse not the same or better. Thinking binge drinking was worse than your current pattern is just a lie that alcohol tells us.
I did not make a conscious decision to become an alcoholic but over the years that is exactly what happened
4 to 5 beers + 2 glasses of wine = drunk by any standard of normal drinking
4 out of 7 nights = 57%
So
You are drunk 57% of all days or 208 days a year.
What ever you want to call it these are simply the facts. The problem with alcoholism is it only gets worse not the same or better. Thinking binge drinking was worse than your current pattern is just a lie that alcohol tells us.
I did not make a conscious decision to become an alcoholic but over the years that is exactly what happened
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
The key to you having a problem would be if your drinking is at all IMPAIRING your life in any way? For example, is your work less productive, does the drinking cause problems in your relationship to wife and/or others? Do you neglect taking care of yourself in any ways when you are drinking? For something to be a problem, there needs to be a negative effect? So, is there?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 3
The negative effect is my wife is on my case all the time! LOL
Thanks for all of the responses. I really appreciate it. At this point, I honestly have no desire to quit drinking all together. I just need to scale back. Haven't had a a drop since sunday. Im headed to the Sox game tonight. I'll probably have a few beers(have to behave I am driving), then won't drink again until Sunday(going to a cookout) I just need to make it a more social thing instead of an every night of the week thing.
Thanks again for all the responses
Thanks for all of the responses. I really appreciate it. At this point, I honestly have no desire to quit drinking all together. I just need to scale back. Haven't had a a drop since sunday. Im headed to the Sox game tonight. I'll probably have a few beers(have to behave I am driving), then won't drink again until Sunday(going to a cookout) I just need to make it a more social thing instead of an every night of the week thing.
Thanks again for all the responses
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by mcnulty1980
The negative effect is my wife is on my case all the time! LOL
Thanks for all of the responses. I really appreciate it. At this point, I honestly have no desire to quit drinking all together. I just need to scale back. Haven't had a a drop since sunday. Im headed to the Sox game tonight. I'll probably have a few beers(have to behave I am driving), then won't drink again until Sunday(going to a cookout) I just need to make it a more social thing instead of an every night of the week thing.
Thanks again for all the responses
Thanks for all of the responses. I really appreciate it. At this point, I honestly have no desire to quit drinking all together. I just need to scale back. Haven't had a a drop since sunday. Im headed to the Sox game tonight. I'll probably have a few beers(have to behave I am driving), then won't drink again until Sunday(going to a cookout) I just need to make it a more social thing instead of an every night of the week thing.
Thanks again for all the responses
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by mcnulty1980
The negative effect is my wife is on my case all the time! LOL
Thanks for all of the responses. I really appreciate it. At this point, I honestly have no desire to quit drinking all together. I just need to scale back. Haven't had a a drop since sunday. Im headed to the Sox game tonight. I'll probably have a few beers(have to behave I am driving), then won't drink again until Sunday(going to a cookout) I just need to make it a more social thing instead of an every night of the week thing.
Thanks again for all the responses
Thanks for all of the responses. I really appreciate it. At this point, I honestly have no desire to quit drinking all together. I just need to scale back. Haven't had a a drop since sunday. Im headed to the Sox game tonight. I'll probably have a few beers(have to behave I am driving), then won't drink again until Sunday(going to a cookout) I just need to make it a more social thing instead of an every night of the week thing.
Thanks again for all the responses
The people on this site have tried every "moderation" trick in the book. We could list them for you, but you're not ready.
This is a site that is for people with a drinking problem, which by your own words you have.
The solution to a drinking problem is to stop drinking.
Not to drink less so you don't get in trouble. We'll keep a light on for you.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 46
We are all individuals and hindsight is always 20/20. But, If I would have listened to my 35 year old self questioning my drinking, my 44 year old self would not be on day TWO. I have no advice on how to get thru this, I'm not looking back on not changing sooner, but I am very certain that it will not be easier if I wait another 10 years, I might not even have the chance at this rate.
I read people talking about their inspirations and what brought them to the moment of change. I can't isolate a single one, but I ran into a guy I know since high school last week. Our scene in the last 20 years included drugs which we both quit years ago. In the last few years, he has suffered several personal losses and celebrated a new relationship and home. He said he couldn't figure out why he was still drinking 12 beers a night? Just like that, it didn't make sense anymore. Funny, I thought I was better than him, smarter, higher education, boring blah blah, BUT he was the brave one that did what I hadn't had the courage to do. He walked into an AA meeting. He looks great and was humble. I saw that 14 or 15 year old kid in him again that had been hiding behind the booze for 30 years.
I'll have what he is having!
I read people talking about their inspirations and what brought them to the moment of change. I can't isolate a single one, but I ran into a guy I know since high school last week. Our scene in the last 20 years included drugs which we both quit years ago. In the last few years, he has suffered several personal losses and celebrated a new relationship and home. He said he couldn't figure out why he was still drinking 12 beers a night? Just like that, it didn't make sense anymore. Funny, I thought I was better than him, smarter, higher education, boring blah blah, BUT he was the brave one that did what I hadn't had the courage to do. He walked into an AA meeting. He looks great and was humble. I saw that 14 or 15 year old kid in him again that had been hiding behind the booze for 30 years.
I'll have what he is having!
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