Day 7 done
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Day 7 done
One week behind me again.
Today I looked at the Xmas card a kid I babysat for years sent me. In it she drew a heart with our initials.
I want to see her graduate college someday, or at least grow up.
That won't happen if I drink.
She'll never know how much she means to me.
I was shunned as a kid, by my peers, my teachers and my very own family. Ridiculed and humiliated.
This kid was my pal for years, we played. I missed all that growing up, I didn't get to be a kid. She filled that emptiness with trouble and fun and tantrums and love. With glitter and play doh and hide and seek and demands to stay up later just to hang out with me. I was so in the moment with her. The times we laughed together in moments only we understood in our ongoing, imaginary games (while still getting the homework done)- they are better than all the dances I was never asked to, the games I missed out on, the teams I was never picked for, the times I didn't get to play and the beautiful days I missed for being locked in my room.
Better late than never. Like sobriety I guess.
That's living though, not a bottle. I want more of that.
Today I looked at the Xmas card a kid I babysat for years sent me. In it she drew a heart with our initials.
I want to see her graduate college someday, or at least grow up.
That won't happen if I drink.
She'll never know how much she means to me.
I was shunned as a kid, by my peers, my teachers and my very own family. Ridiculed and humiliated.
This kid was my pal for years, we played. I missed all that growing up, I didn't get to be a kid. She filled that emptiness with trouble and fun and tantrums and love. With glitter and play doh and hide and seek and demands to stay up later just to hang out with me. I was so in the moment with her. The times we laughed together in moments only we understood in our ongoing, imaginary games (while still getting the homework done)- they are better than all the dances I was never asked to, the games I missed out on, the teams I was never picked for, the times I didn't get to play and the beautiful days I missed for being locked in my room.
Better late than never. Like sobriety I guess.
That's living though, not a bottle. I want more of that.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 200
Day 7: Fighting the parasite
I used to think that escaping alcoholism was akin to a rocket launch- the early stages were difficult because of strong alcoholic gravity and most effort was breaking free of that until one was home free, out of the danger zone, and in zero gravity.
Ha. Here is no escape. An alcoholic is never in zero-G. No , I now think of it as more of a parasite, maybe something from a nightmare or B-horror flick....a millipede with sharp claws and a razor-sharp quills....that feeds hidden inside my gut. Born as a harmless pupa early in my life, the discovery of daily alcohol allowed it to grow, become hard and sharp, more uncomfortable and more aggressive. It feeds on my insides and protests during sobriety. It is content during binges but claws and wriggles with a vengeance with a declining blood alcohol level. Each relapse allows it to grow larger, become more emboldened, more aggressive , and more painful in its sober state.
It violently and painfully protests each recovery- especially early on.....but with every passing day, week, and month it loses steam and goes into a hibernation state,.....with the occasional wriggle of its body or spasm of a claw to remind its host it is still present--even three sober years (in my case) later. A relapse allows it to come roaring back to life., teeth gnashing. One too many relapses and it overcomes and devours its host.
Ran with the dog this morning after I felt my insides churning and scraping. Now...The parasite it on a nap.....for the moment.
Good luck to all.
I used to think that escaping alcoholism was akin to a rocket launch- the early stages were difficult because of strong alcoholic gravity and most effort was breaking free of that until one was home free, out of the danger zone, and in zero gravity.
Ha. Here is no escape. An alcoholic is never in zero-G. No , I now think of it as more of a parasite, maybe something from a nightmare or B-horror flick....a millipede with sharp claws and a razor-sharp quills....that feeds hidden inside my gut. Born as a harmless pupa early in my life, the discovery of daily alcohol allowed it to grow, become hard and sharp, more uncomfortable and more aggressive. It feeds on my insides and protests during sobriety. It is content during binges but claws and wriggles with a vengeance with a declining blood alcohol level. Each relapse allows it to grow larger, become more emboldened, more aggressive , and more painful in its sober state.
It violently and painfully protests each recovery- especially early on.....but with every passing day, week, and month it loses steam and goes into a hibernation state,.....with the occasional wriggle of its body or spasm of a claw to remind its host it is still present--even three sober years (in my case) later. A relapse allows it to come roaring back to life., teeth gnashing. One too many relapses and it overcomes and devours its host.
Ran with the dog this morning after I felt my insides churning and scraping. Now...The parasite it on a nap.....for the moment.
Good luck to all.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
Congrats!
UH HUH!! Savor that sort of stuff it helps you get through the roughest days. Stop and smell the roses along the way theres so much great stuff all around us we just have to stop and take notice. Its easy to get wrapped up into the hustle and bustle of daily life and really where its at is what you described. That is living the hustle and bustle is not so try not to get hooked into that aspect.
That's living though, not a bottle. I want more of that.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,649
Congratulations on your first week. For me that was the hardest. You are doing great. It sounds like your friend is a great kid. I did not have a great childhood either. When I had kids, I got to be a kid with them, doing all the things I never got to do. I loved that. Now I am a grandma, and playing the childhood games never gets old. Alcohol can steal that from you. I am so glad you realize that. Keep on with the good stuff. We are all here for you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
I see a lot of similarities and parallels
between your story and mine. Many
similarities I later realized I had with
many in recovery. Many who are on
a journey in recovery growing stronger,
healthier, more at peace of the past
because we understand it better.
I don't close the door on my past
but draw strength from it. Ive used
my past as an advantage in joining
with others like me to help many
who are struggling with their own
past today.
I use my own ESH - experiences,
strengths and hopes of what my
life was and is like before, during
and after alcohol/addiction.
I first learned how to remain sober
one day at a time from those who
taught me about my addiction and
its affects on my own body and then
those around me.
I took those teaching and began to
apply a useful program of recovery
to incorporate in all areas of my life.
Today, that little child inside me still
exists but the scars don't hurt like
they use too. The pain I use to endure
thru out my childhood and adulthood
are now used as strength and hope
towards my own recovery life.
We who were hurt, shunned, abused,
ridiculed, harassed and so on, become
stronger in recovery. We grow and
become a beacon of light, a strong inner
strength for others who are and have gone
thru similar things as us.
Stay strong each day staying connected
to your recovery program, here in SR, as
you continue too grow and mature in a
healthy, happy mature child of your HP.
Higher Power.
between your story and mine. Many
similarities I later realized I had with
many in recovery. Many who are on
a journey in recovery growing stronger,
healthier, more at peace of the past
because we understand it better.
I don't close the door on my past
but draw strength from it. Ive used
my past as an advantage in joining
with others like me to help many
who are struggling with their own
past today.
I use my own ESH - experiences,
strengths and hopes of what my
life was and is like before, during
and after alcohol/addiction.
I first learned how to remain sober
one day at a time from those who
taught me about my addiction and
its affects on my own body and then
those around me.
I took those teaching and began to
apply a useful program of recovery
to incorporate in all areas of my life.
Today, that little child inside me still
exists but the scars don't hurt like
they use too. The pain I use to endure
thru out my childhood and adulthood
are now used as strength and hope
towards my own recovery life.
We who were hurt, shunned, abused,
ridiculed, harassed and so on, become
stronger in recovery. We grow and
become a beacon of light, a strong inner
strength for others who are and have gone
thru similar things as us.
Stay strong each day staying connected
to your recovery program, here in SR, as
you continue too grow and mature in a
healthy, happy mature child of your HP.
Higher Power.
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