Soberintexas007

Okay, so here I am at almost Day 3. This has seemed to be a regular pattern that my therapist and I have noticed. I stay sober during my husband's work week when he doesn't drink, and then his off days come on Sunday and Monday, and I relapse. So I am assuming I should have 5 days sober on Saturday like the pattern has been.

And let me say this. I do not want to leave my functional alcoholic husband, as I love him. Some say he is bringing me down, but, like I said, I am not leaving him. Can any of you suggest a plan that I can possibly work out with him to increase my chances of not relapsing this Sunday or Monday?

sleepie

All I can really think of is Al Anon, though I know we talked about that before.

Soberintexas007

Yes, Al-Anon is more of a long term goal to help me in living with an active alcoholic. I was thinking of any particular suggestions to help me make it through Sunday and Monday without drinking.

Dee74

There's a lot of people here who live with drinking spouses.

I think it's important to realise you recovery is yours - if it's dependent on someone else not drinking as well then it's only as good as the other person.

Build yourself a sober network - have people to call when you feel vulnerable...post here as well.

Make yourself a plan - think about your husband drinking and how you would usually respond...

then think about other ways to respond - how could you react in a healthy way and stay sober?

Think about cravings and how to deal with them. Howe do you deal with them now? Is that enough or do you need more work?

Simple common sense questions like this could be the difference between you drinking, or you staying sober

D

Weaver

The first thing you need to try and do is to stop EXPECTING to relapse every Sunday and Monday. From your tone and how you type it seems as if you assume that it will be a forgone conclusion that you will drink when your husband is off.
Try to think the opposite. Think of how awesome it would be NOT to drink and go in with the mindset that just for this weekend. This upcoming Sunday and Monday, you are going to try and not drink as if your life depended on it (although it kind of does)

Maybe talk to your husband and see if he is open to the possibility of NOT drinking around you. At least for awhile... Until you feel more secure in your quest for sobriety.
Is your husband aware of your deep desire to quit drinking? Perhaps discuss it with him. Having his support (regardless if he is a "functioning alcoholic") can go a long way in helping you.

And finally...this is not meant to sound harsh or "mean" but you gotta let go of the excuses. There are always going to be excuses and reasons to drink. Always. Life is and can be hard. It's supposed to be , it's life ya know?
You and your therapist said you have a pretty basic routine of "relapsing" every 5 days. Well.., change something. What triggers and things that are present in your day to day life can be removed? What can you do differently on the weekends to eliminate relapsing? I know leaving your husband is not an option, however something has to change. If it can't be your surroundings (leaving husband, husband not drinking etc) then change yourself. Change what's inside of you.

It will be very hard though. I know some people, many of which are in this forum, were able to quit drinking while their spouses continued to drink, However in my experience it was almost like torrture in the beginning. Seeing people drink, being around people who drink, being within an arms length of booze... All the while knowing that I can't drink? It sucked.
So my advice would be to try and be "absent" for a few hours on those Sunday's and Monday's in the beginning. Not forever, but in the beginning until you feel stronger and have more confidence. Until you have a better plan of action and have fully committed to sobriety. You have to know deep down that "this is it, I don't want to drink anymore and I will do everything in my power to prevent that from happening."
Maybe you could find a meeting to go to those that evenings? Or go to the gym and a meeting, or go to a movie... Just something that you can do, away from the temptation of alcohol for a few hours.


I know it seems hard, confusing and daunting but you can do it.

Soberintexas007

Thank you for your responses. It has in many ways become a "life and death" situation for me, and I feel stronger this week going into Sunday and Monday. For one thing, I now have weeks of sobriety from not gambling, so that initial low of quitting gambling has gone away, which makes me less susceptible to drinking. Second, both my family and his family knows of my current struggles with alcohol as of this last weekend, when I "came out" about it. So I believe my family and his family will try their best to "destress" my life and not bring drama to it, as they know I am early in my sobriety and need their support. If you remember, it was Mother's Day drama that caused my most recent relapse, but no one knew of my recent sobriety, as they thought I was still sober for many months. So those things have changed. Also, my husband now sees me attending AA and having a sponsor, so I think he will be more mindful of his drinking around me, knowing that I am treating this seriously. Also, quitting my job (which I really did not need at this time) has lessened the stress in my life as well, as I now only need to focus on passing the first of two exams toward a professional license. But you are right. I think I need to remind myself that the first couple months of being around him while drinking will be torture, but that it will not always be like that. Knowing this, it would make sense for me to almost plan out our days off together for the first couple of months. For example, I may talk to my husband if it is possible for him to wait to have his couple beers until after our 4 pm movie at the restaurant we go to after (I am pretty sure he is not capable of abstaining, as I have asked before) rather than starting to drink in our apartment in the early afternoon while I am running on the treadmill and then come back to him already drinking.

But I agree that ideally, my recovery should not depend on whether or not other people drink or do not drink. And I also need to treat my current sobriety as a life and death issue because things are getting serious (during my last relapse, I was so tortured that I thought I was going to have to call a detox center to come and get me, and then all hell would break loose with my family and husband, as the drama would ensue.

Thank you for your suggestions. And I think I will tell my therapist this week to try and be more positive that I can make it around my husband if he is drinking. It is almost as if she has this negative attitude in both her verbal and nonverbal behavior that creates a self-fulfilling prophesy for failure and doom and gloom. I want her to have the attitude of the posts above that I can do this!