NYCDoglvr

First of all, getting sober is a solitary path and you shouldn't expect a non-alcoholic to understand what it's like to be an alcoholic. Expectations cause more relationship problems than probably anything else. I suggest going to AA, where there's enormous support from people who have been where we are.

LemonGirl

Hi, I'm from the other side... Codependent. In all the reading I have done, as partners of alcoholics, we are actually encouraged to NOT get involved either way, be it when he/she chooses to drink, or if he/she is working sobriety. It becomes some weird obsession for us trying to "help".

That said, my xabf has recently resolved that he wants to get sober. I caught myself giving him a "you're doing good this week!", and then I came home to literature suggesting that those comments are back-handed and may infer to him instead that I expect him "not to mess up", or that it is instilling guilt somehow because if/when he does mess up, suddenly my comment becomes an "I told you so", or "you can't do this", or some other form of judgment. I thought this was weird, but it makes sense only in the fact that I really have no idea what he going through and I just need to stay out of his way and let him do it.

Anyway, support aside, your bf IS enabling you. I suppose it's up to you what you want to do about that....