Isolation?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 3
Isolation?
Hey! I hope everyone is well. I am 398 days sober. I am not in a recovery program, but have been utilizing a great therapist, exercise, and meditation to help me stay sober. I actually don't get any urges, but I remain vigilant nonetheless. Here is my concern:
Over the past few months, I have been spending increasingly more time alone. I used to be a very social person when I was a drunk. I sang for a band, did poetry readings, went to many parties and social gatherings. Even in the early days of my sobriety, I remained outgoing. Lately, though, I just don't want to do anything with anyone. I mainly spend my free time binging on Netflix, reading, or going on long walks in my neighborhood. I work 12 to 13 hours a day as a secretary, so I do interact with people daily, but only at work.
I don't think this is depression, as I don't feel sad or suicidal (though, I've had bouts of serious depression in my past). My therapist suggests that it is a normal phase of early recovery, and I am just finding myself, which is why I don't feel like I can relate to others at the moment.
On top of this, I am in the process of paying off debt that I accrued while drinking, so maybe having limited funds contributes to this.
Any advice from people who've gone through this sort of thing in sobriety would be very helpful.
Thanks, and all the best!!!!!
Over the past few months, I have been spending increasingly more time alone. I used to be a very social person when I was a drunk. I sang for a band, did poetry readings, went to many parties and social gatherings. Even in the early days of my sobriety, I remained outgoing. Lately, though, I just don't want to do anything with anyone. I mainly spend my free time binging on Netflix, reading, or going on long walks in my neighborhood. I work 12 to 13 hours a day as a secretary, so I do interact with people daily, but only at work.
I don't think this is depression, as I don't feel sad or suicidal (though, I've had bouts of serious depression in my past). My therapist suggests that it is a normal phase of early recovery, and I am just finding myself, which is why I don't feel like I can relate to others at the moment.
On top of this, I am in the process of paying off debt that I accrued while drinking, so maybe having limited funds contributes to this.
Any advice from people who've gone through this sort of thing in sobriety would be very helpful.
Thanks, and all the best!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
i'm an introvert and anti social person by nature so I obviously see no issue with what you decribe. But I know I also go through the isolation type stuff when i'm just trying to gather my thoughts etc.. its nothing against anyone or anything I just got stuff i'm thinking through is all I'll just be enjoying my alone time etc..
I'd imagine working the hours your working you dont have much energy for socialization outside of work? could just bet that too.
I'd imagine working the hours your working you dont have much energy for socialization outside of work? could just bet that too.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 3
Wow. Thanks so much. That really describes what I'm going through. The only reason I was worried was because I used to be mad social, not because I'm lonely. I'm actually in a pretty ok place, emotionally. This makes a lot of sense!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Not drinking created a whole lot of time on my own, because when I drank I did it mostly alone!!
I don't think there is anything wrong in being alone, at times I feel comfortable being alone, and if that's the case then don't worry about it!!
However as time went on I started to introduce new activities into my lifestyle, going for coffee, continuing to go to sports games, learning to do so without alcohol, getting out and about for long walks, through activities comes meeting new people, friendships not based on alcohol.
I now have a balance between the 2, but at times I crave being on my own just to relax!!
I don't think there is anything wrong in being alone, at times I feel comfortable being alone, and if that's the case then don't worry about it!!
However as time went on I started to introduce new activities into my lifestyle, going for coffee, continuing to go to sports games, learning to do so without alcohol, getting out and about for long walks, through activities comes meeting new people, friendships not based on alcohol.
I now have a balance between the 2, but at times I crave being on my own just to relax!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 174
I enjoy being alone and enjoy my own company. I love spending time with the people I love and who love me unconditionally like my wife and children.
Some people say it's wrong to isolate but I enjoy it.
Ive cut a lot of ******** people out of my life this time in recovery and it feels like a breath of fresh air.
Some people say it's wrong to isolate but I enjoy it.
Ive cut a lot of ******** people out of my life this time in recovery and it feels like a breath of fresh air.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Fingerlakes,NY
Posts: 4,536
I am by nature kind of an introvert in fact I think a lot of my drinking came from trying to be more outgoing. I am ok with who I am now. I am alone a lot but I have a very public job so I enjoy the quiet time. As long as you are ok with it I wouldn't worry about it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 3
Thanks to everyone for your responses!
I'm sure cutting people out of my life has contributed to it, too. Many of the people I used to hang out with were extremely messed up. I have 3 friends now, but they are stable and good friends, and they are enough for me.
I do miss going to concerts, though. I used to go to a lot of shows, but since being sober I've found it uncomfortable to attend them alone. My friends aren't into the same kind of music as me (mostly punk and ska). It's not that I'm afraid I'll drink, but that it gets lonely just standing around between sets by mysef. Maybe as I become more comfortable in my own skin, this will change.
I'm sure cutting people out of my life has contributed to it, too. Many of the people I used to hang out with were extremely messed up. I have 3 friends now, but they are stable and good friends, and they are enough for me.
I do miss going to concerts, though. I used to go to a lot of shows, but since being sober I've found it uncomfortable to attend them alone. My friends aren't into the same kind of music as me (mostly punk and ska). It's not that I'm afraid I'll drink, but that it gets lonely just standing around between sets by mysef. Maybe as I become more comfortable in my own skin, this will change.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
I don't think this is depression, as I don't feel sad or suicidal (though, I've had bouts of serious depression in my past). My therapist suggests that it is a normal phase of early recovery, and I am just finding myself, which is why I don't feel like I can relate to others at the moment.
dcol,
i need lots of time alone and am not depressed, nor do i call it isolating. i enjoy it.
the reason i pulled that quote out of your post is because spending lots of time by yourself is something quite different from having difficulty relating to others. just something that jumped out at me.
dcol,
i need lots of time alone and am not depressed, nor do i call it isolating. i enjoy it.
the reason i pulled that quote out of your post is because spending lots of time by yourself is something quite different from having difficulty relating to others. just something that jumped out at me.
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
I'm introverted by nature and love time alone but, I've seen that when I'm busy ( working hours like you're working and I am right now) I crave time alone even more, just to have no one talking at me. Lol could that be some of it?
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