Lied to my sponsor & feeling guilty.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 6
Lied to my sponsor & feeling guilty.
I'm sober 6 months from alcohol. I also use to abuse pain pills but alcohol was my DOC. I went to the hospital for pneumonia yesterday and ended up getting a prescription for a cough medicine with codeine in it. I talked to my sponsor this morning and mentioned I got cough medicine and told me to be careful because some of them have codeine in it. Then she asked me if I told them I couldn't take that and I said I did. I also told her I had other sober people with me which I did. This is what happened though. I mentioned I wondered if I would get codeine and one of the people I came with, who happens to be a nurse, said that that wasn't a good idea. They ended up going to get coffee and I got released. They ended up giving me a prescription for the codeine along with an antibiotic. The two women that brought and stayed with me at the hospital brought me to the pharmacy and I got my antibiotic. Then after they dropped me off, I went back to the pharmacy and got the cough medicine. I took it as prescribed and it didn't work and I wanted to take more so I threw it out because I felt like I was playing with fire. I don't know what to do now because I lied to her. I am worried if I tell her what actually happened she won't believe me and think I relapsed. I don't know what to do. I'm really scared she won't be able to trust anything I say now if I tell her but she always says we have to be rigorously honest.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
You will feel better if you tell her.
Why don't you print this out and give it to her?
It's fine, there are a lot of things to sort out in early sobriety, and this is just one of them. You're not going to do everything exactly perfectly all the time. No one does!
Honesty is for you, not for your sponsor. It's so you will have a clear conscience. Guilt and shame keep us locked in the addiction struggle.
Why don't you print this out and give it to her?
It's fine, there are a lot of things to sort out in early sobriety, and this is just one of them. You're not going to do everything exactly perfectly all the time. No one does!
Honesty is for you, not for your sponsor. It's so you will have a clear conscience. Guilt and shame keep us locked in the addiction struggle.
Recovered
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,129
Relapses are all about the motive.
They are also in order: spiritual relapse-->mental relapse-->physical relapse.
The spiritual fitness was already lost, then the lying started. All this was before you even had cough syrup in your hand and took it.
Time for a 10th and get back up on the beam, perhaps.
They are also in order: spiritual relapse-->mental relapse-->physical relapse.
The spiritual fitness was already lost, then the lying started. All this was before you even had cough syrup in your hand and took it.
Time for a 10th and get back up on the beam, perhaps.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
If, I read this correctly you took it as prescribed. Did you allow enough time to lapse to make sure the medicine was effective.
Your motive was pure, you weren't taking this as a means to do anything but get well.
Are you unsure of yourself as far as to abusing the medicine?
Your motive was pure, you weren't taking this as a means to do anything but get well.
Are you unsure of yourself as far as to abusing the medicine?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 6
I didn't abuse the medication. It just didn't sit well with me. I didn't feel like it was a good idea to keep around. I should have just asked for something different or told my friends that that although I understand their concern, it's really none of their business. I was planning on telling my sponsor this morning on the way to our meeting but she caught me off guard on the phone. She wasn't able to make the meeting this morning and told me to rest and she would call me later today.
Originally Posted by CAPTAINZING2000 
If, I read this correctly you took it as prescribed. Did you allow enough time to lapse to make sure the medicine was effective.
Your motive was pure, you weren't taking this as a means to do anything but get well.
Are you unsure of yourself as far as to abusing the medicine?
Your motive was pure, you weren't taking this as a means to do anything but get well.
Are you unsure of yourself as far as to abusing the medicine?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 6
I didn't relapse though. I took one dose as prescribed and then threw it away because I felt like I was playing with fire. That's why I don't even want to tell her in the first place. I don't want her to think I relapsed.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,978
it's not up to her to tell you that you've relapsed. Her role is to guide you through those steps. What steps have you worked already?
You didn't take more than prescribed.
Let her know and just move forward since it's bothering YOU enough to write about it here, you have to live in your own skin. You decide.
You didn't take more than prescribed.
Let her know and just move forward since it's bothering YOU enough to write about it here, you have to live in your own skin. You decide.
Happy, joyous, and free
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: FL
Posts: 113
Please tell her. She can only help you if she knows what's going on with you. A good sponsor will meet you in love.
I've lied to my sponsor a time or two, as long as we're telling on ourselves. Felt much better when I fessed up. She says none of us are perfect. Amen to that.
I've lied to my sponsor a time or two, as long as we're telling on ourselves. Felt much better when I fessed up. She says none of us are perfect. Amen to that.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Along with it not being up to your sponsor to tell you you've relapsed it also isntmup to your sponsor or any other member of AA to think they know better than a doctor what meds are best for someone.
If it was up to some of the members of AA, during the 6 surgeries I've had to carve out cancer, during the clinical trial and 2 rounds of chemo I wouldn't have had any of the medications used to help me through it and suffered tremendously. And since I let God and the doctors do the prescribing some members of AA feel my DOS changed.
I sure hope they don't have to go through half of what I did during that time.
If it was up to some of the members of AA, during the 6 surgeries I've had to carve out cancer, during the clinical trial and 2 rounds of chemo I wouldn't have had any of the medications used to help me through it and suffered tremendously. And since I let God and the doctors do the prescribing some members of AA feel my DOS changed.
I sure hope they don't have to go through half of what I did during that time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 6
Originally Posted by sugarbear1
it's not up to her to tell you that you've relapsed. Her role is to guide you through those steps. What steps have you worked already?
You didn't take more than prescribed.
Let her know and just move forward since it's bothering YOU enough to write about it here, you have to live in your own skin. You decide.
You didn't take more than prescribed.
Let her know and just move forward since it's bothering YOU enough to write about it here, you have to live in your own skin. You decide.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
While I don't see taking medicine as prescribed to be a relapse I am a bit concerned with all the sneaking around and manipulation you did over it rather than set boundaries with your sponsor.
Simply said you could either have:
- Followed her suggestion and toughed it out without the syrup
or
- Stood your ground, told her you would take whatever medication you were given (provided you were honest with the doctor) as prescribed.
Instead, I feel that out of people pleasing and fear of confrontation you kind of snucked out like a teenager who is told not to go out at night and manipulated her by going with two sober friends to the dr and pharmacy but then going back on your own for what you wanted.
A bit like having your cake and eating it too.
I feel that you should look at that more that at the darn syrup because people pleasing (which is believe it or not a character defect of mine) and manipulative behaviors could really trip you up in your recovery.
Anyway just be upfront with her and also get some rest and drink plenty of fluids. It is not worth losing sleep over but it is definitely worth looking into and see if it was an isolated incident or if you have a pattern of similar behaviors throughout your adult life (good stuff for a fourth step).
Simply said you could either have:
- Followed her suggestion and toughed it out without the syrup
or
- Stood your ground, told her you would take whatever medication you were given (provided you were honest with the doctor) as prescribed.
Instead, I feel that out of people pleasing and fear of confrontation you kind of snucked out like a teenager who is told not to go out at night and manipulated her by going with two sober friends to the dr and pharmacy but then going back on your own for what you wanted.
A bit like having your cake and eating it too.
I feel that you should look at that more that at the darn syrup because people pleasing (which is believe it or not a character defect of mine) and manipulative behaviors could really trip you up in your recovery.
Anyway just be upfront with her and also get some rest and drink plenty of fluids. It is not worth losing sleep over but it is definitely worth looking into and see if it was an isolated incident or if you have a pattern of similar behaviors throughout your adult life (good stuff for a fourth step).
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 49
Here is how I see the miracle of recovery ... you behaved exactly as we all behaved when we were practicing alcoholics. However, today you felt bothered (that's a conscience emerging from years of being buried by alcohol abuse) and it sits very poorly with you.
You not only threw out the medicine, not because you relapsed and not even because you misused it, but because you knew it probably wasn't going to end well to keep using it. Even as prescribed.
So you are now contemplating doing something else and coming clean about lying to your sponsor.
That's a miracle to me. Seven months ago most alcoholics would have jumped at the opportunity to get, misuse and abuse cough syrup with codeine. Probalby mixes well with some kind of booze.
We didn't get sober to get perfect. We THOUGHT we got sober to quit drinking but we actually got sober to start living.
You tell your sponsor and keep on living!
You not only threw out the medicine, not because you relapsed and not even because you misused it, but because you knew it probably wasn't going to end well to keep using it. Even as prescribed.
So you are now contemplating doing something else and coming clean about lying to your sponsor.
That's a miracle to me. Seven months ago most alcoholics would have jumped at the opportunity to get, misuse and abuse cough syrup with codeine. Probalby mixes well with some kind of booze.
We didn't get sober to get perfect. We THOUGHT we got sober to quit drinking but we actually got sober to start living.
You tell your sponsor and keep on living!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,244
Wizzette,
what would concern me more than the actual one dose you took is how deliberate you were in not letting the two people with you see that you got that syrup. how deliberately you only got the antibiotic when they were with you and went back later, alone, to get the syrup with the codeine. you were hiding it.
and now you wish to hide some more...
for me, honesty with self grew slowly. and when i was honest with myself about certain things, phew, that was good and good enough. the understanding of the value of honesty with someone else, the value of overcoming fear and speaking of how things are, the value of the relief of not hiding...took a loooong time.
i'd guess that you wouldn't have posted about it if you felt okay about it all. your gut (or inner voice or conscience or better self or plain good sense or whatever you want to call it) is telling you things are off with this scenario.
what would concern me more than the actual one dose you took is how deliberate you were in not letting the two people with you see that you got that syrup. how deliberately you only got the antibiotic when they were with you and went back later, alone, to get the syrup with the codeine. you were hiding it.
and now you wish to hide some more...
for me, honesty with self grew slowly. and when i was honest with myself about certain things, phew, that was good and good enough. the understanding of the value of honesty with someone else, the value of overcoming fear and speaking of how things are, the value of the relief of not hiding...took a loooong time.
i'd guess that you wouldn't have posted about it if you felt okay about it all. your gut (or inner voice or conscience or better self or plain good sense or whatever you want to call it) is telling you things are off with this scenario.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,597
You've got pneumonia. Codeine is a cough suppressant and just about everything to stop you coughing will have it in it. I would be honest with your sponsor and if you feel you need it, take it as prescribed. Pneumonia is a serious deal. It's not like having a sniffle. Be accountable in whatever way you need. Admittedly, I'm remembering when I had pneumonia and couldn't stop coughing and couldn't lie down without coughing. It was exhausting even with the cough suppressant.
It's not up to your sponsor to dictate what you can and can't take. That's really your call. You might want to discuss it with your sponsor, meditate/pray on it etc, but I wouldn't have a sponsor who told me I couldn't take medicine as prescribed. That's not the job of a sponsor. When I've had surgery and needed to take heavy duty pain meds after, I told someone about it and was accountable for what I took. I didn't abuse it and I didn't have to avoid it. I had a back up plan which was to have a friend drop by each day with that day's doses. I wasn't able to walk or drive so going to the pharmacy under my own steam wasn't an option.
It's not up to your sponsor to dictate what you can and can't take. That's really your call. You might want to discuss it with your sponsor, meditate/pray on it etc, but I wouldn't have a sponsor who told me I couldn't take medicine as prescribed. That's not the job of a sponsor. When I've had surgery and needed to take heavy duty pain meds after, I told someone about it and was accountable for what I took. I didn't abuse it and I didn't have to avoid it. I had a back up plan which was to have a friend drop by each day with that day's doses. I wasn't able to walk or drive so going to the pharmacy under my own steam wasn't an option.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Next time, start with the MD. They cannot make the best formulary decisions for you unless you tell them you have a history of recovery. Had you admitted the truth right there, all the other downstream subterfuge would not have happened.
This is like an old time Davey and Goliath episode on honesty.
I hope you feel better soon - physically and spiritually!
This is like an old time Davey and Goliath episode on honesty.
I hope you feel better soon - physically and spiritually!
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