kmae89

Congrats on day 1. We are fortunate to be able to say that! I can relate entirely to your post. I was prescribed xanax, klonopin for 3 years and became addicted. I quit taking them for 2 months and then started a little and have been without them for a week now and have been drinking to replace this anxiety! It is horrible!! don't want to be in public because I will look like a spaz.. It is definitely a struggle, but they aren't worth taking anymore. I only started taking them again for about a week and I am in hell again. I quit drinking for 4 months and felt so good! Why did I go back down this path again? I don't understand it. Anways, enough about me. I am glad that you have recognized the problems and are working on changing. A lot of people don't recognize the problem until it is too late. With god's strength WE will get through this!

tes

I understand the part about not wanting to go out in public without them. For me it is hard to do anything without them. The only way I think to get off of them is to ween off over a period of 1+ months. I am doing that now and trying to replace them with paxil. It may not be that warm blanket that I am looking for like klonopin is, but it might help to where I do not freak out consistently once they are gone. Part of me does not what to quit taking them, but the legal system is telling me otherwise even though I am legally taking them so I don't have much of a choice but to quit. Also I hate being a slave to this pill and being held at the mercy of doctors that prescribe them. It is a living hell to stop them, but many people do not understand just how difficult it is after one has taken them for a long time.

Im still sober from alcohol, and have no cravings or thoughts, however. .

I do know that drinking to replace them only makes the anxiety worse and will lead to more and more drinking, but the anxiety/fear can be unbareable and alcohol does make it go away for a short period of time.. but at what a terrible cost.

Hang in there. Im sorry to hear about losing the 4 months of sobriety. Look up benzo withdrawl and see what other people have gone though trying to get off of those things what they had to do. Please dont let the alcohol take control!

Wendolene

As long as we keep trying, we are never a failure. We're all rooting for you!

Definitely reach out to people again - maybe it is a case of finding the programme that works for you. I tried AA and struggled, but I still have a few contacts from my rehab stay in January - a lot of whom swear by it and say they couldn't have stayed sober without. The important thing is not to stop talking to people if you feel you are struggling. Even on the days you feel relatively ok - just a simple text message or phone call can make all the difference. It is also a lovely feeling to receive one out of the blue after a few months, asking how you are doing and wishing you well (this happened to me with someone who remembered me from AA) - it's a reminder that you are not alone.

Also, don't be embarrassed about being completely honest with your doctor. They are likely to admire you for that - there is no reason the experience should be humiliating, but we often beat ourselves up unnecessarily. There are so many alcoholics still out there living in denial. By asking for help, you are already showing a great strength of character.

So glad you are also reaching out to us here, as well.

All the best .

tes

I just had a thought about getting some beer at 7, it is starting to turn into a craving. I was sitting here, looking on the job boards and thinking about where I stand right now. I suppose there could be a sense of hopelessness and depression setting in. The jobs I am looking for are at least 20 miles away. Given that I have no car now and am about to lose my drivers license for a long time, and no one will drive me back and forth that far everyday, it is getting very frustrating. It is almost bringing me to tears. I had a pretty nice job for 5+ years across town, made some pretty decent money, and was looked up to by most of my peers. I moved there because I couldn't stand the commute anymore. Got let go because of restructuring, couldn't hold on and had to move back here "temporarily" where there isn't that much that I can find. I have everyone screaming at me to get a job. I guess I can always go to a somewhat nearby temp service or something, but even then I am not sure how I would get back and forth everyday reliably.

I suppose I need to work on my sobriety instead of stressing about landing a halfway decent job at this very moment. If I start drinking again then I wont be thinking about anything except getting that next drink, which will lead to to absolutely nowhere.. except for more problems.

Sorry for the rant.