Depersonalization!
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: River Falls, WI
Posts: 7
Depersonalization!
Have any of you experienced this from addiction, whether it be from chronic alcohol use or anything else? Or even just from some sort of psychological issue?
Back then, my life perspective was just a little bit "foggy" to me. This year, everything is VERY foggy, regularly... I'm in college and every single lecture feels *mostly* lifeless, even though the material is extremely fascinating. Heck, I'd be willing to be payed to be a college student for the rest of my life! But seriously though, I just feel like I'm "not here"... it's as though I'm wearing a pair of blurry glasses prescribed for somebody with terrible vision... life feels very dull and not at all fulfilling in this way! A noticeable lack of abudnance... it's as though I'm a zombie, ghost, or something insignificant that somebody would look down on or ignore... while everybody else is excelling in every way possible!
My father, who was addicted to marijuana during his adolescence felt depersonalized, even though he stopped after a few years (when he was about 20). To this day, in his 50's, he still struggles with depersonalization. *I think his case is rare?* He begs me not to use the drug, so I never ever used it. I don't think this will be the case with alcoholism, but I don't know for sure. In the past, I thought depersonalization would have been something "pleasant". How utterly naive I was! I thought it would have been a pleasant escape from reality for a while, a way for me to relax around other people due to my extreme social anxiety. Now I realize that it's a very isolating feeling that STAYS. I thought that never talking to people was isolating enough but being disconnected from everybody and the earth ALL THE TIME is even MORE isolating. I think that there are many meanings to life and one of the meanings is to feel connected to the animals, plants, people, Earth, all of the universe and beyond. Everything that is tangible and intangible.
Advice, insights, anything else kind... would be appreciated.
Getting in-patient treatment in a month. I hope all will change for me.
Back then, my life perspective was just a little bit "foggy" to me. This year, everything is VERY foggy, regularly... I'm in college and every single lecture feels *mostly* lifeless, even though the material is extremely fascinating. Heck, I'd be willing to be payed to be a college student for the rest of my life! But seriously though, I just feel like I'm "not here"... it's as though I'm wearing a pair of blurry glasses prescribed for somebody with terrible vision... life feels very dull and not at all fulfilling in this way! A noticeable lack of abudnance... it's as though I'm a zombie, ghost, or something insignificant that somebody would look down on or ignore... while everybody else is excelling in every way possible!
My father, who was addicted to marijuana during his adolescence felt depersonalized, even though he stopped after a few years (when he was about 20). To this day, in his 50's, he still struggles with depersonalization. *I think his case is rare?* He begs me not to use the drug, so I never ever used it. I don't think this will be the case with alcoholism, but I don't know for sure. In the past, I thought depersonalization would have been something "pleasant". How utterly naive I was! I thought it would have been a pleasant escape from reality for a while, a way for me to relax around other people due to my extreme social anxiety. Now I realize that it's a very isolating feeling that STAYS. I thought that never talking to people was isolating enough but being disconnected from everybody and the earth ALL THE TIME is even MORE isolating. I think that there are many meanings to life and one of the meanings is to feel connected to the animals, plants, people, Earth, all of the universe and beyond. Everything that is tangible and intangible.
Advice, insights, anything else kind... would be appreciated.
Getting in-patient treatment in a month. I hope all will change for me.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
I can not remember but in the beginning of the the movie...The Fight Club...there was narration and it was something about 'Life feels like a photocopy of the real thing'....I remember listening to that and thought, yep, I know exactly what that feels like....
For me it is getting better and I do feel more connected and engaged in the environment around me...
Perhaps talk to your doctor if it is bothering you....
For me it is getting better and I do feel more connected and engaged in the environment around me...
Perhaps talk to your doctor if it is bothering you....
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,609
Hi again erJoy 
I think most of us experience a certain woolly headedness for a while. We out our minds and bodies through a lot in active addiction. It takes time for things to recuperate, but they do
A certain joylessness or depression is pretty common too - again for most of us this gets better.
Cases like your dads, where there appears to be a lasting change, really are in the minority.
D
I think most of us experience a certain woolly headedness for a while. We out our minds and bodies through a lot in active addiction. It takes time for things to recuperate, but they do
A certain joylessness or depression is pretty common too - again for most of us this gets better.
Cases like your dads, where there appears to be a lasting change, really are in the minority.
D
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,231
i went through that when i sobered up. I never new what it was till i came here and read others had the same problem made me feel less wierd.
For me it felt like the world was one big movie and iw as watching everything go on. Everything felt fake and i was merely a spectator watching it all go by. Sometimes things even felt like they where almost like a cartoon. My sense of up and down was even strange sometimes I felt like I might fall down.
I think my mind was just protecting me from reality and bringing me back into it slowly and as gingerly as possible. At first it spooked me but I'll be honest I grew to enjoy that state of mind after a while. I dont go back to that way of thinking very often but I can zone out out while on a run or a walk or something and detatch again sometims and I enjoy the escape myself. I guess I had to stop being afraid of it. It was like being in my own little bubble safe from the world and i got to watch it all play out from inside my safe little bubble.
it was strange sensation however. it passes in time though.
For me it felt like the world was one big movie and iw as watching everything go on. Everything felt fake and i was merely a spectator watching it all go by. Sometimes things even felt like they where almost like a cartoon. My sense of up and down was even strange sometimes I felt like I might fall down.
I think my mind was just protecting me from reality and bringing me back into it slowly and as gingerly as possible. At first it spooked me but I'll be honest I grew to enjoy that state of mind after a while. I dont go back to that way of thinking very often but I can zone out out while on a run or a walk or something and detatch again sometims and I enjoy the escape myself. I guess I had to stop being afraid of it. It was like being in my own little bubble safe from the world and i got to watch it all play out from inside my safe little bubble.
it was strange sensation however. it passes in time though.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 219
Yes I think most people don't know what depersonalization is, and I'm glad you brought it up. I stumbled into it on Google a long time ago, typing something like "I feel like my life is a movie". It didn't seem to be connected with drugs or alcohol. This is back when I used to get panic attacks and I read that it's related to anxiety sometimes. I don't feel that way anymore and I don't have as much anxiety as I used to, so there might be a connection.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Yes, I experienced pretty textbook versions of depersonalization/derealization. For me it would usually last a couple hours at a time and then back to ~normal.
Two different triggers. The first (and the worse) was part of my reaction to the artificial sweetener aspartame - I used it quite excessively for a while in the past not knowing it wasn't harmless (it was long time ago, before the adverse effects had become widely known) and that I was sensitive. That stuff did lots of bad things to me, this was just one of the symptoms but very scary at first because I had no idea.
Second trigger combo was some specific states of quite heavy alcohol withdrawal/hangover combined with unusually strong emotional trigger/stress.
I never had it this year after sobering up for good, just in the past, but thank you was enough!
Yes it's considered a specific state of anxiety.
Two different triggers. The first (and the worse) was part of my reaction to the artificial sweetener aspartame - I used it quite excessively for a while in the past not knowing it wasn't harmless (it was long time ago, before the adverse effects had become widely known) and that I was sensitive. That stuff did lots of bad things to me, this was just one of the symptoms but very scary at first because I had no idea.
Second trigger combo was some specific states of quite heavy alcohol withdrawal/hangover combined with unusually strong emotional trigger/stress.
I never had it this year after sobering up for good, just in the past, but thank you was enough!
Yes it's considered a specific state of anxiety.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Originally Posted by zjw 
At first it spooked me but I'll be honest I grew to enjoy that state of mind after a while. I dont go back to that way of thinking very often but I can zone out out while on a run or a walk or something and detatch again sometims and I enjoy the escape myself. I guess I had to stop being afraid of it. It was like being in my own little bubble safe from the world and i got to watch it all play out from inside my safe little bubble.
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