Bh28

I went to AA today and started getting the shakes half way through the meeting but instead of taking the medication my doctor prescribed me for anxiety etc... (Which I took with me), I left the meeting at break time, bought a bottle of vodka and caught the taxi home to drink it.

Before this happened I bought some Blu-ray movies to watch to stop me from getting bored whilst withdrawing but my mind told me that I wouldn't be able to enjoy these movies without alcohol.

How ridiculous is that?

biminiblue

Go to another meeting tomorrow. One step back, two steps forward.

Fly N Buy

VERY......

BH, I have read your old threads back to 2009! Friend, I don't judge but would like to see you win this battle.

Have you checked out in patient 90-120 day rehab?? Some folks need more of a jump start than SR and AA?!!!?!?

please seek the professional help you need. Sometime the same alcoholic brain that got (get's) us drunk cannot solve the problem of stopping or staying stopped very long.....


peace
fly

SoberAlky

I had a similar experience. I went to an AA meeting on a Day 1 to publicly ask for a sponsor (no one seemed compelled to help - one of the reasons I am still cool toward AA, although I do understand its value). I passed out while talking to someone (most likely blood pressure), but ended up in the ER while the witness to the event convinced the doctor I had a grand mal detox seizure (extremely unlikely to have happened, given other accounts) and nearly lost my driver license because in most (probably all) states, a seizure is an automatic driver license suspension for 3-6 months. And this was AFTER a stint in residential rehab.

So while the fate of my driver license was being debated, I contact an addiction psychiatrist who convinced me that going into treatment again was the only way he could help me make a case to the state to not suspend my license. I ended up doing intensive outpatient (since I had just come out of residential about a month before) instead of partial hospitalization (I doubt insurance would have paid for back-to-back residential treatment). But long story short, Fly is right, sometimes AA and good intentions just doesn't cut it. I would have never made it 4 months without psychiatric help and my intensive outpatient therapy group. And AA/NA (I personally find people at NA more interesting and less objectionable). Although my license was never suspended, I religiously attended group until my insurance ran out.

ScottFromWI

A good start would be dumping out the rest of the bottle and hitting a meeting later this afternoon or evening. If you have all day to drink, you have all day to not drink too - it's up to you.

waynetheking

Bh28 I have no idea who you are. But it sounds like your not ready to quit yet. May I suggest you do some homework on this disease. Yes, I said disease. It will eventually kill you. If you continue drinking it will only get worse. Its nothing to play with. Its not a movie, a puppy dog or a new app on your I phone. Its a disease that kills people every day. When you wake one morning knowing that one more day of drinking will kill you then you'll understand what im talking about. I hope it doesn't come down to that for you. Go back to the meeting tomorrow and listen. You can do this!

Bh28

I listened to you guys and DID NOT want to drink this morning. I took a benzo which my doc prescribed and tried to browse the net, watch tv, PS3 but my heart was pounding and I could not relax what so ever. I felt very uncomfortable.

I threw away the pills because they were obviously not working. So I made an appointment tomorrow with an alcohol and substance abuse worker. He is going to refer me to a local hospital for a detox.

After I've been clean for a while, with no shakes, anxiety and other symptoms of alcohol withdrawal; I will go back to AA.

I didn't want to drink today but had to because of these horrible symptoms.

I haven't bought vodka though, just lager.

Dee74

How long did you give them to 'work' bh?

as long as you keep going to the bottle things are not going to get better bh.

Give the meds a chance to work - and be prepared not to feel great for a few days. It's inevitable and unavoidable if you want to get through to the other side, I'm afraid.

leviathan

you want to quit.

the steps your taking are great, but possibly not enough.

i agree with flynbuy. this is what rehab is for. if you can, you should. it will give you a buffer zone to take your first steps, and professional help.

i really am glad i did it. i go to a meeting once in a while, so not knocking but,there are so many unstructured things going on in the rooms- personal agendas, floor hogging, disruptions... a guy could be relapsing right there, as you did, and folks might not notice, or know how to treat.

PurpleKnight

Fuelling the addiction is not helping, beer, wine, spirits, it doesn't matter, don't justify larger is ok!!

At some point we have to get off the alcohol merry-go-round!!

Soberwolf

Essentially going round in circles

Time to break the cycle

Bh28

Been reffered to a medical detox centre today. The nurse told me that my doc shouldn't have prescribed those meds as I need to be medically supervised and not to quit drinking on my own with or without medication because it could kill me.

I'm glad I drank to relieve the symptoms. I don't want to die just yet.

sapphire1981

I think it's definetly important to supervised through any detox....hopefully tomorrow when you receive help you can make a new start....but only if you really want it :-)

glassdark

What the poster said about realizing alcohol is going to eventually kill you, definitely describes my awakening to the seriousness of my problem with drinking. When you start to suffer health issues and withdrawal, it is time to mentally shift how you feel about alcohol. The hell you are suffering through (shakes, boredom, anxiety) will not get better by drinking more. I am still walking through the fire of it all by learning to cope day to day without a few or more drinks at night. The worst is gng through the physical withdrawal. Or it was for me. After those first couple of weeks of high blood pressure, heart palpitations, sleep disturbances, sweating, puking, upset stomach, ect...I came out feeling like I had just gotten over a flu. It has been over a month and I still have to pace myself with small meals (alcohol screwed up my digestion). I still sweat a bit while I am sleeping, feel fatigued, depressed at times, and tempted to drink.

But I have slept better and more peacefully than I have in months. The truth is that when you decide to come out of the fire to the other side, you will feel better for it, but that doesn't mean you won't feel bored, sad, depressed, or miss being drunk. When was the last time I was happy being drunk? I always was happy for the first few hours. Then I woke up the next day more depressed and withdrawing on top of that. Alcohol isn't our friend. I have found myaelf feeling thoughts or insecurities that I haven't allowed myself to in a while since I quit and have realized the alcohol helped me in the past to distract myself or block them out. It is like I am learning to cope with living in my own skin all over again. It is hard.

Now I have a different frame of thought. Whenever I am tempted to drink due to stress, I remember how miserable I feel after a night of drinking. I think about how I will probably pass out, wake up feeling more exhausted, puke, self loathe, and throw up some more. And to what end. Maybe end up in the hospital eventually? Question is, how long can we go on b we re it kills us or we need organ transplants?

I pray daily. I also find that whenever I am feeling hopeless, bored, or sad that listing off things I am grateful for helps. Food, roof over my head, my son, my hard working husband. Even just falling asleep and getting a good night's rest is something I am thankful for now. Finding positives, even small positives, makes it easier to say no to drinking at the end of the day.

But first, you have to get through those withdrawals safely and get to the other side. Your goal should be to put as much distance between yourself and the last time you drank. Godbless. You can do this!

waynetheking

Well said glassdark, im so glad your not drinking. It will get easier. Trust me.