Anxiety is undermining my sobriety
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 2
Anxiety is undermining my sobriety
I quit drinking on May 8th. I had been needing, wanting to quit for several years. I didn't feel like I could do it on my own. I had tried 12-step but definitely not helpful to me. No insurance for rehab. I had read books, gone to meetings, Every night I would wake up at 3 am unable to sleep because the alcohol had worn off, thinking that I had to quit drinking. Had to. Each evening I would go to the store for wine. I would stand there and wonder if I should get 2 bottles of wine so I wouldn't be tempted to drink and drive when the first bottle was empty or should I just get 1 and maybe that would be enough. A waste of time, a waste of money, a waste of my life.
I finally have insurance so thought it was time. It helped that I found out from a very thorough Cardiologist that I had a heart problem and fatty liver syndrome. I had to take off the weight that drinking 2 bottles of wine a night put on. I did lots of research, found a therapist that would see me on a sliding scale and a Dr. that would give me a script for generic Naltrexone and cymbalta . I picked a day to quit but actually woke up 2 days before quit date and thought " I don't drink now" I felt very happy about it. I guess I was just ready for it to be over. I didn't get the scripts filled for a couple of days. I thought about drinking a lot, but I didn't . On the 3rd day the anxiety started and some pretty intense withdrawal . I took 1 naltrexone and thought I would lose my mind! Anxiety worse than I have ever experienced and racing, circling thoughts about drinking. I didn't drink though. And never tried that meds again. All that time waiting to have insurance so I could have some help and I quit without it. I thought I would lose my mind but on the 6th day the anxiety began to lesson and I began to feel better. Still didn't beel like myself, but I don't really know who I am without alcohol. I wasn't drinking, but I was depressed. I made it about 6 weeks and then bought some wine. I don't know why. To see if I was over it? To see if it would taste good? It didn't taste particularly good. I immediately got back on track and went a few more weeks without drinking. Decided I needed to treat the depression and tried the cymbalta but it is awful stuff. It was like a bad trip from the 70's. and then something happened that made me so angry I felt crazy mad and I medicated my anger how i always do . With wine. Suffice it to say that little by little drinking has taken a stranglehold on me. I am experiencing such anxiety that I give in to drinking so my chest will quit hurting and I can function. I tried taking Buspirone a few times. It is old outdated script that I never tried. I was taking 5 mg. day for about a week. Not enough to help I'm sure. I need to get into a dr. that can get me on an antidepressant that the side effects won't be worse than the depression. The combination of Anxiety and depression is making me despair that I can ever feel like a normal person.
I don't know why I am rambling on about this. Just thought some of you might have some words of wisdom. Thanks for reading my story that is the same as a million other stories, but with worse punctuation.
I finally have insurance so thought it was time. It helped that I found out from a very thorough Cardiologist that I had a heart problem and fatty liver syndrome. I had to take off the weight that drinking 2 bottles of wine a night put on. I did lots of research, found a therapist that would see me on a sliding scale and a Dr. that would give me a script for generic Naltrexone and cymbalta . I picked a day to quit but actually woke up 2 days before quit date and thought " I don't drink now" I felt very happy about it. I guess I was just ready for it to be over. I didn't get the scripts filled for a couple of days. I thought about drinking a lot, but I didn't . On the 3rd day the anxiety started and some pretty intense withdrawal . I took 1 naltrexone and thought I would lose my mind! Anxiety worse than I have ever experienced and racing, circling thoughts about drinking. I didn't drink though. And never tried that meds again. All that time waiting to have insurance so I could have some help and I quit without it. I thought I would lose my mind but on the 6th day the anxiety began to lesson and I began to feel better. Still didn't beel like myself, but I don't really know who I am without alcohol. I wasn't drinking, but I was depressed. I made it about 6 weeks and then bought some wine. I don't know why. To see if I was over it? To see if it would taste good? It didn't taste particularly good. I immediately got back on track and went a few more weeks without drinking. Decided I needed to treat the depression and tried the cymbalta but it is awful stuff. It was like a bad trip from the 70's. and then something happened that made me so angry I felt crazy mad and I medicated my anger how i always do . With wine. Suffice it to say that little by little drinking has taken a stranglehold on me. I am experiencing such anxiety that I give in to drinking so my chest will quit hurting and I can function. I tried taking Buspirone a few times. It is old outdated script that I never tried. I was taking 5 mg. day for about a week. Not enough to help I'm sure. I need to get into a dr. that can get me on an antidepressant that the side effects won't be worse than the depression. The combination of Anxiety and depression is making me despair that I can ever feel like a normal person.
I don't know why I am rambling on about this. Just thought some of you might have some words of wisdom. Thanks for reading my story that is the same as a million other stories, but with worse punctuation.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
sounds like you've been going in circles. I have insurance and refused to go to the doc for meds. I didnt want to admit why i was there, In the past docs always frowned on giving out thoses kinds of meds and i didnt wanna feel like i was just some druggie looking for another fix, I didnt want to get another habit that i'd later have to figure out how to break, I was scared of all the side affects here i wanted to get healthier and was afraid to get worse from some of the various meds out there. I had a long list of reason why not to get meds.
My symptoms however where friggen horrible. I had anxiety like you would not believe I was so depressed yet had no idea i was even depressed i just assumed everyone felt like that. I dunno if i was stupid to not get meds maybe I shoulda I dunno. But In hindsite i'm glad I didnt.
the anxiety was down right awful for at least the first 6 months. I have no doubt it would have continued to be that bad for longer but at about 6 months I discovered exercise that helped tho my anxiety was still bad. I did a lot of things to run from the anxiety / depression. I read books I drank herbal tea i sat in rooms with the lights dimmed low etc.. I got sunshine fresh air etc.. I tried I dunno how many supplements some worked some didnt none where like some magic bullet.
Things got more manageable at about a year or so maybe because I started to learn how to manage them? I dunno.
My point is you have to stick it out. If you think doctors and meds will help do them. If finances will not permit try something else that finances allow go for a walk try a healthy meal etc.. But you have to try anything BUT drinking. drinking is how you got into this mess its certainly not going to get you out of this mess.
No one wants to hear it but I had ot suck it up as they say and it was not exactly plesent for a while but 1 day at a time it got easier sometimes not very much easier but it did.
IN the early days One odd thing that helped with anxiety for me was a tablespoon or 2 of apple cider vinegar in a cup of water. I used the braggs organic stuff. It would take the edge off that anxiety for me. I have no idea why but it helped me it might have just been placebo but i dont care it gave me some relief. Couple times a day I'd have a glass of water with some of that in it.
My symptoms however where friggen horrible. I had anxiety like you would not believe I was so depressed yet had no idea i was even depressed i just assumed everyone felt like that. I dunno if i was stupid to not get meds maybe I shoulda I dunno. But In hindsite i'm glad I didnt.
the anxiety was down right awful for at least the first 6 months. I have no doubt it would have continued to be that bad for longer but at about 6 months I discovered exercise that helped tho my anxiety was still bad. I did a lot of things to run from the anxiety / depression. I read books I drank herbal tea i sat in rooms with the lights dimmed low etc.. I got sunshine fresh air etc.. I tried I dunno how many supplements some worked some didnt none where like some magic bullet.
Things got more manageable at about a year or so maybe because I started to learn how to manage them? I dunno.
My point is you have to stick it out. If you think doctors and meds will help do them. If finances will not permit try something else that finances allow go for a walk try a healthy meal etc.. But you have to try anything BUT drinking. drinking is how you got into this mess its certainly not going to get you out of this mess.
No one wants to hear it but I had ot suck it up as they say and it was not exactly plesent for a while but 1 day at a time it got easier sometimes not very much easier but it did.
IN the early days One odd thing that helped with anxiety for me was a tablespoon or 2 of apple cider vinegar in a cup of water. I used the braggs organic stuff. It would take the edge off that anxiety for me. I have no idea why but it helped me it might have just been placebo but i dont care it gave me some relief. Couple times a day I'd have a glass of water with some of that in it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
My experience is similar to zjw's.
Medication wasn't an option for me when I got sober, because of a few different reasons. Main one being it was 1984 and they weren't as popular then as they are now. I'm really grateful for that now for many reasons, but what it meant was I had to sit through a lot of really uncomfortable feelings, and start living differently.
Took me about 6 months to start feeling human, a year to start functioning in society again like a somewhat normal human being, and 2 years before I felt free of panic, and the anxiety that was crippling for me. I had become agoraphobic during my drinking, and it didn't magically disappear when I put the drink down.
A lot of things helped me. AA and the 12 steps top the list. Learning that it was okay to feel the panic and anxiety helped a lot too. I didn't have to run from it. I wasn't going to go insane, regardless of how imminent that felt.
I did a lot of therapy, relaxation exercises, physical exercise, reading (self help type stuff), and diet changes. Processed sugar contributed enormously to my anxiety, and it took me quite a while to figure that out. No doctor ever even brought it up. Which is sad, as I've learned sugar contributes to a lot of people's depression and anxiety. Anyhow, there are hundreds of tools out there, that work, if we use them. I wanted and needed help badly, so I employed every one that I learned about. Some worked better than others, most I still use to this day.
There is lots of hope. It does however take time, an open mind, and lots and lots of willingness.
Medication wasn't an option for me when I got sober, because of a few different reasons. Main one being it was 1984 and they weren't as popular then as they are now. I'm really grateful for that now for many reasons, but what it meant was I had to sit through a lot of really uncomfortable feelings, and start living differently.
Took me about 6 months to start feeling human, a year to start functioning in society again like a somewhat normal human being, and 2 years before I felt free of panic, and the anxiety that was crippling for me. I had become agoraphobic during my drinking, and it didn't magically disappear when I put the drink down.
A lot of things helped me. AA and the 12 steps top the list. Learning that it was okay to feel the panic and anxiety helped a lot too. I didn't have to run from it. I wasn't going to go insane, regardless of how imminent that felt.
I did a lot of therapy, relaxation exercises, physical exercise, reading (self help type stuff), and diet changes. Processed sugar contributed enormously to my anxiety, and it took me quite a while to figure that out. No doctor ever even brought it up. Which is sad, as I've learned sugar contributes to a lot of people's depression and anxiety. Anyhow, there are hundreds of tools out there, that work, if we use them. I wanted and needed help badly, so I employed every one that I learned about. Some worked better than others, most I still use to this day.
There is lots of hope. It does however take time, an open mind, and lots and lots of willingness.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
I chose to not use meds for anxiety either and I have struggled with it since my teenage years.
What worked for me - lots of walking (great distraction), yoga and meditation.
There are some great books to help deal with anxiety without medication:
"When Panic Attacks" by David Burns MD
"From Panic to Power" by Lucinda Bassett
What worked for me - lots of walking (great distraction), yoga and meditation.
There are some great books to help deal with anxiety without medication:
"When Panic Attacks" by David Burns MD
"From Panic to Power" by Lucinda Bassett
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 861
I agree with Anna's suggestion of David Burns book, "When Panic Attacks". And his "Feeling Good" book.
Going to a Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction class helped me too. There's a book by that name, if a class is not near you. One of the authors is Bob Stahl. Comes with guided meditations.
Other guided meditations
https://healthy.kaiserpermanente.org...TZxmGL2IKPpI!/
I've struggled with PTSD, depression, and anxiety. It definitely complicates sobriety. Yet for me, sobriety helps so much!
I hope you find what works for you.
Going to a Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction class helped me too. There's a book by that name, if a class is not near you. One of the authors is Bob Stahl. Comes with guided meditations.
Other guided meditations
https://healthy.kaiserpermanente.org...TZxmGL2IKPpI!/
I've struggled with PTSD, depression, and anxiety. It definitely complicates sobriety. Yet for me, sobriety helps so much!
I hope you find what works for you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 812
Sorry to read you're not feeling the best and having some problems.
I've also suffered from anxiety/panic since my teens. Getting sober did not cure it. I suffered through 18 months of meetings--having panic attacks in about 75% of them.
Some things have worked better for me than others. Vigorous exercise 5-7 times per week helps A LOT. But it has to be pretty intense exercise ... a light walk doesn't do it for me. That kept me afloat for 3 years and then I had an injury and couldn't do it as intensely anymore. Eventually, the anxiety crept back in as well as depression. I tried several meds, some were terrible, and it's really just a matter of getting the right one and dose. Lexapro is what worked for me. The anxiety and depression lifted almost immediately.
No shame in taking meds if you need them. I don't believe my anxiety/depression is any fault of my own. It's a physical illness inside my brain that runs in my family. I use AA for my alcoholism and Lexapro for my anxiety/depression.
I've also suffered from anxiety/panic since my teens. Getting sober did not cure it. I suffered through 18 months of meetings--having panic attacks in about 75% of them.
Some things have worked better for me than others. Vigorous exercise 5-7 times per week helps A LOT. But it has to be pretty intense exercise ... a light walk doesn't do it for me. That kept me afloat for 3 years and then I had an injury and couldn't do it as intensely anymore. Eventually, the anxiety crept back in as well as depression. I tried several meds, some were terrible, and it's really just a matter of getting the right one and dose. Lexapro is what worked for me. The anxiety and depression lifted almost immediately.
No shame in taking meds if you need them. I don't believe my anxiety/depression is any fault of my own. It's a physical illness inside my brain that runs in my family. I use AA for my alcoholism and Lexapro for my anxiety/depression.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Your story sounds familiar - I too wondered if I could ever lead a normal life again. After quitting drinking my health improved but anxiety worsened, and I was in pretty bad shape. What worked for me?
1. Keep at the sobriety. No matter what, this is the key cog in the wheel. Do not touch this aspect and keep it as the most precious thing you own. Do not drink.
2. Slow down. Find a peaceful place. Get out of the house. Take some time away from your normal surroundings. Get centered.
3. Make small goals to accomplish each day. Talk to the grocery clerk. Say "hi" and smile at a stranger. Shower, get dressed, and go out and grab a bite to eat. Keep these goals realistic and manageable. Give yourself a pat on the back for accomplishing them.
4. Seek help. Nobody can understand your anxiety because it's YOURS. Some people will say "I don't take meds" and others will say "I take XYZ pills and they are like magic". Take it with a grain of salt. Nobody here knows what you are going through, nor what is best for you when it comes to medication or not. Take ownership of your situation. You say you don't have insurance or a doctor? Neither did I, as I was poor and unemployed my first year of sobriety. But if you can't afford health care, the government will help you. Enroll in the free plan. Go to a free clinic. I did it, and was nervous as hell, but it's 6 months later and I'm nearly anxiety free. My life has changed and so can yours.
Take ownership of your sobriety and your health. Calm down. Make small goals. Find a peaceful place. Stop beating yourself up. You certainly do have a great chance to be fine again, as long as you stay sober you can do it!
1. Keep at the sobriety. No matter what, this is the key cog in the wheel. Do not touch this aspect and keep it as the most precious thing you own. Do not drink.
2. Slow down. Find a peaceful place. Get out of the house. Take some time away from your normal surroundings. Get centered.
3. Make small goals to accomplish each day. Talk to the grocery clerk. Say "hi" and smile at a stranger. Shower, get dressed, and go out and grab a bite to eat. Keep these goals realistic and manageable. Give yourself a pat on the back for accomplishing them.
4. Seek help. Nobody can understand your anxiety because it's YOURS. Some people will say "I don't take meds" and others will say "I take XYZ pills and they are like magic". Take it with a grain of salt. Nobody here knows what you are going through, nor what is best for you when it comes to medication or not. Take ownership of your situation. You say you don't have insurance or a doctor? Neither did I, as I was poor and unemployed my first year of sobriety. But if you can't afford health care, the government will help you. Enroll in the free plan. Go to a free clinic. I did it, and was nervous as hell, but it's 6 months later and I'm nearly anxiety free. My life has changed and so can yours.
Take ownership of your sobriety and your health. Calm down. Make small goals. Find a peaceful place. Stop beating yourself up. You certainly do have a great chance to be fine again, as long as you stay sober you can do it!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
