lebroncavs

I hate alcohol. I see alcohol as my worst enemy at this point. Somehow my worst enemy seems to control me and I can't break free from it. That alcoholic voice never seems to quit. All the begging and tricking me gets exhausting. It makes me mad when my brain tries to trick me into seeing the people, places and things that I should never see again. How do you really win against your own brain.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum lebroncavs!!

I had to finally accept that alcohol was controlling me and it could never be the other way round, that meant parting ways permanently, that 1st drink was never going to work anymore, and when I did surrender, life got a whole lot more straight forward!!

So I guess it's all about taking alcohol out of the equation, but that also meant changing up the activities I got involved in and the people I hung out with, changing my lifestyle so it no longer facilitated alcohol!!

It can be done, you'll also find loads of support here on SR to help!!

Dee74

You bring in support

The support I found here helped me decide once and for all I wanted to be a non drinker...
I know we can help you too

D

gardendiva

Welcome !

drunktastic1002

Welcome to the forum. You're off to a good start by opening up and reaching out to others, I'm sure you'll find good support here.

least

Welcome to the SR family. I'm glad you're here.

j808

Welcome, we'll all take it one day at a time. Lots of support here

Hevyn

Welcome Lebroncavs. You're among those who understand and care.

Mac1

Hi Lebroncavs. You're in the right place

Cow

Lebron, brains is VERY clever. Myself, I has tip top brain, as tested by Mayo Clinic (after my meth overdose). And yet, it still tell me to drink till I die. Listen, brains just want to be happy, okay? They not really give crap if you live to see the dawn. It take absolute heroic plunge into you consciousness to overcome you brains desires. I say this is as 40 year addict. Of course you brain is want alcohol to soothe you, why not? But something deeper in you is gonna has to decide if is more for you in this life than to be soothed.

FeenixxRising

Hi and welcome Lebron. You own your brain, not someone or something else, so make it work for you, not against you. It takes practice, but it's possible. I suggest the AVRT technique found at the Rational Recovery website. AVRT is a thinking skill that allows "you" to put the addicted and vocal part of your brain to rest.

There are also other recovery methods, and you will find support and help here at SR, so stick around. But in my experience nothing worked until I seriously wanted sobriety and was willing to work hard for it.

trailrunrbyday

Welcome! This is a place of support and friendship. It is one of the resources that have me on a path to the life that I deserve - to being the person that has been veiled by the cloud of alcoholism for long enough. I'm taking my life back and you can too. I don't think (personally) that I could do it with online support only but I sure do value the people and opinions here. One. Day. At. A. Time.

Mags1

Hi lebroncavs I agree, I hate alcohol, too. Welcome to the forum.

tes

Hello. It has been a while since I have visited these forums. You are certainly not alone, I have the same issue. I have tried and tried to STAY sober but I always let some excuse lead me back to it. Once I get it in me I have a problem with wanting to see old friends and people/places who think very little of me or despise me all together. They try to avoid me because of my embarrassing history but I guess have known me so long that they don't wish to cause me harm because of all of the things that I have said and done while on drunken rampages, they just want me to disappear. I have been known to have a problem with pretty much every drug there is also, but I don't have that problem or with them until I drink. If I don't drink, I don't want any of it and that is pretty much all my old friends are all about or we ever do together. I have a problem with disregarding the ones who do actually care about me and my well being and running to those who don't want me around and think very little of me, with me mostly looking for a way to get as screwed up as I can - that and just wanting some people to hang around with and talk to/bs with. I feel enormous guilt, for both parties, actually. I have done and said a lot of things to make people angry and feel deep rooted shame over. Many people differ on how they handle their drink. For me usually once it hits my stomach it changes my thought patterns all together, I revert back to the old me and the actions that I take 90% of the time can be classified as my own mind betraying me into a false sense of thinking everything is all good, when the people I end up around just don't want to have any part of it or me. They are for the most part good I guess, but pretty bad news at the same time and I do know better than to mess with any of them at all, and I sure that would not hurt their feelings a bit. I can go from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde in no time after drinking just a few. Next thing I know I am completely warped out of my mind on a variety of things and putting myself and others in bad situations. Drinking has destroyed my life, my reputation, my self respect, my ambition/drive to better myself, obliterated the trust of many, made most of my family turn their backs on me, caused job and home losses, many legal problems and financial hardship, causing a lot of problems with my marriage (we do not have any kids however), and killed of the things I used to enjoy doing that were not reckless. It is scary when your own mind betrays you after drinking enough and leads you into the situations that the sober you SCREAMS at you to avoid, only to deal with the remorse/consiquences over and over again and still drink again the next day without much thought at all, either to forget or to relax only to end up stuck in the same loop of shame. A lot of people think that I am crazy which I know that I am not when I don't drink, or at least more then 2-3 but that usually is not possible. I am a rational and decent human being and a part of society when sober. It hurts how this stuff has put me into this dark hole that I am in. I want to start over so badly, move a bit away or what not, change my number, etc. but I am in legal trouble with yet a 4th DUI, 3 in 10 years. I know they are going to throw the book at me because their was an accident involved but thank God nobody was hurt other than a few scratches/bruises. Alcohol did not used to make me into the reckless and careless ahole that it does now, but progressively over 20 years it has changes the wiring in my head. But really what it boils down to is simple, just don't take that 1st drink and these problems will not happen again. My father used to drink like a fish a lot when I was growing up, after work usually and at pubs, etc. So I guess that's where I get a lot of it from, that and having a reckless and wasted youth. I need this change now, and I know as long as I listen to that part of my brain this is obsessed with alcohol I will just dig a deeper hole. Sorry for the rant, I just wanted to let you know that your not alone.

waynetheking

Lets face it, alcohol is just plain poison. Stay away from it. But stay here. Welcome to SR.

JD4010

Alcohol...a love/hate relationship for me. I often hate myself, so I would drink to get numb and forget. I would "love" the buzz and glow for a couple of hours. Then I'd wake up, hate myself even more, and feel like sh!t on top of it all. And the cycle would begin again.

It only took me thousands of such cycles to decide I was actually committing suicide. I'm a really slow learner, apparently.

Anyway, welcome lebroncavs!

rc4dt1

Welcome

There is hope. All of us have addiction in our lives. All of us have brains. All of us have found a way that works (even if just for a short period of time - it's better than no relief at all). You will find yours if you really look.

Good luck!