SonomaGal

Did anyone in (relatively) early sobriety have the urge to drink in social situations finally disappear only to be replaced by social anxiety?!?

I'm 9 months sober and my fiancées family and friend vacation was super socially stressful for me. It has never been this uncomfortable before.

I'm so pleased that I didn't want a drink the entire trip, but I felt really awkward, anxious, tongue tied, in all the big social settings (with alcohol).

Is this a phase?

Kaneda8888

Hi Sonomagirl

I have slightly longer sobriety than you. Hmmm, I have done lots of meditation and therapy as part of my recovery plan. So, I am gradually becoming more comfortable with me, if you know what I mean. Having said that, you know it might not be related to alcohol It depends on your character. I am very much an introvert and big social events make me anxious. I can usually last a few hours before I need a breather. Its not an alcohol thing. No compulsion to drink, I simply accept that I am an introvert

NightsWatch

Did you experience social anxiety before you started drinking? I used alcohol a lot as a way to deal with social anxiety, so now that I don't drink anymore, I'm definitely getting back in touch with that when I'm at social gatherings.

I think anxiety in general is one of the PAWS, so it could be related to that also?

Aellyce

What Kaneda and NightsWatch said.

I'm someone who does not have much social anxiety, just get bored/overwhelmed after a while at big social events, especially if there isn't any particular substance that interests me. Usually at first I'm pretty good with mingling and talking with whoever, maybe for 2 hours at max on average. Then I may try to find one person or a small group for some more specific discussion that interests me, then I'm happy to stay for many hours. If that does not work out, I politely "excuse" myself (which does not need to sound like an excuse) and leave. I have rarely had problems doing this and have been doing it since my early 20's. People who know me well usually know all this about me and have no problem with it. Those that don't know me well don't tend to care, really.

No need to feel anxious and drink over it!

PurpleKnight

I definitely had to learn how to be social completely Sober, alcohol was always there for as long as I could remember, so it was a new skill set and a learning curve to be able to do plenty of things now Sober!!

It'll take time like learning all new skills!!

tomsteve

it could be learning to do social situations sober or you may be a lil bit of an introvert.

ElleDee

I also have social anxiety and am an introvert. Drinking helped me relax in those situations. Now that I'm not drinking I just don't put myself in those situations if I can help it. Or if I have to, I stay until it's too much and then take a break... take a walk... go outside and look at my cell phone. Just get away.

I personally don't think that I'm ever going to change with regard to that, sober or not. It's part of who I am. So I just have to find new ways to deal with it.

30yrdrunk

The more social functions I attend sober the easier it becomes for me. I only knew one way for 30 years. I was self conscious about not drinking because I figured very else noticed. Now not such a big deal.

Climber122

In "Self Reliance" Emerson said, "Do your work and you shall reinforce yourself." I used to have that on my darkroom wall thinking that applied to my photography, but now I see that makes much more sense in the context of sobriety. It's a physiological fact that alcohol abuse damages portions of our brains and corrupts our central nervous system. The more time you have between that last drink and now, the more repair can go on, and in most cases it gets much better, although it does take time. Gradually you'll find you feel more and more like "you" - as only you know yourself. You will reinforce the "you" that is unique, human and beautiful. Introverted or extroverted, you'll be okay with how you are, and others will respond positively to that. You're just in the process of getting well now - just do the next right thing, stay sober and enjoy the ride

walkbeformakrun

Sonoma - I'm experiencing the same thing. Since I quit drinking, I don't have much to say. (Anonymous internet forums being the exception to that rule, lol) When I was in social situations, drinking, I felt more like I fit in. When I don't drink, I turn into the quiet boring guy with nothing to add to the conversation. I feel awkward, uncomfortable and I avoid being in that situation if I can. When I can't I typically leave as soon as is polite. If I were drinking I'd stay and have fun talking with others, being sociable. I miss that. I wish I could do it sober but I don't seem to be able to, yet. Just 5 weeks in so I'm not giving up.

walkbeformakrun

Sonoma - another weekend passed. Any update on your socializing as a sober gal?

I didn't socialize this weekend. Don't have any desire to do that sober. Did not think about drinking either. That was nice. I do feel like I should socialize but don't want to.

rc4dt1

Good thread... I can totally relate. I am 101 days sober today and my anxiety is at an all time high. Work is more stressful than normal, I am more reactive to situations that would not normally cause me to react, my responses to some situations seem irrational and overemotional. I can recognize these things consciously but that doesn't really help in taming the discomfort. I have dealt with this in prior attempts at sobriety. This time is more intense but I think it's because I am really doing the work daily. I am facing my issues top to bottom for the first time to this degree.

So tomorrow, and following consultation with my therapist, I am going to see a medical doctor/psychologist that specialized in Addiction Treatment and medication.

Personally I feel like I need a little help. I don't want to lose a job or isolate too much because of these constant thoughts of worry. Hopefully he has some good advice for me.

Best of luck in your journey

walkbeformakrun

Hi Sonoma,

I hope you don't mind me bringing back your thread. I think they call it a zombie thread when someone won't let it die. I just don't feel like anyone came up with any solutions to this.

I just had a male friend ask me to get together for a drink in the evening after work. I told him I'd quit. He was very supportive. Said he might do it too. He understood I'd not enjoy going to a bar to hang out. Neither of us could think of what else to do either. Frustrating.

Maybe there is no answer. Maybe we just get used to sitting home a lot reading and watching TV or posting on SR. I've always been a bit of a loner. Drinking brought me out of my shell so to speak. Time to go back in I guess.

- Walk

kittycat3

It makes a lot of sense that we have trouble in social situations now that we are sober. We could have been drinking to avoid that anxiety or just don't have experience without our crutch. You may find that you get used to it after a while - or you may find that you just aren't a social person. Either would be fine!
I like social situations but get very uncomfortable in certain ones where alcohol is being abused.....makes sense to me. I either pass or make sure I have a way out so I can excuse myself when things get too crazy.

kittycat3

Walk- how about a coffee shop?

barbar

Ye yea bla bla its possible to know you dont hawe social anxiety. So what? You can be fakn beatifull its why you sty strong.

SoberCAH

This is a great topic.

I had an abundance of social anxiety after I got sober and it just started dissipating, slowly but surely.

Now I have no social anxiety whatsoever.

I can speak in public and am comfortable in almost all social situations.

I will bet that you start losing your anxiety as time goes on.

SonomaGal

Thanks for the continued replies. Sounds like some of us accept we are introverts without booze, while others have a reduction or disappearance of the social anxiety. Obviously I'm hoping for the latter. Lol. Truthfully I haven't had any nervous social interactions since the overwhelming trip I originally wrote about. But haven't been to any large social events either.

MattM316

I find that in my head I feel fine, I plan what to say etc, but when I actually speak the words my voice is all over the place.

walkbeformakrun

I can't drink caffeine either, lol.