Simplify and Say “No!”
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 123
Simplify and Say “No!”
One of the most powerful things that made a huge impact in my personal recovery is politely bowing out of things and learning to say “No.”
One of the tricks we learn in recovery is to keep busy. If you stay busy, you won’t have time to think about drinking. And it’s true. In the beginning of sobriety, it’s good to stay busy so you can learn how to live without alcohol. Keeping busy helps you fall into bed and realize you didn’t have time to drink.
But as you embark on the true journey of recovery, it is very hard to find, and live, your intended life when you are constantly busy.
In long-term recovery, we need to find fulfillment and passion to stay sober. To do that, we need to place daily focus on a few key areas of our lives. These include:
• Self-care,
• Spirituality, and
• Developing our Talents.
The problem...we simply neglect these areas because we are too busy.
We can never seem to find the time because we’ve got so much ‘busy-work.’ Our old crutch of ‘staying busy’ begins to be a detriment to our sobriety. As we journey through recovery, we need to be extremely ruthless with how we spend our time. We need to make the time to focus on ourselves.
Are you having trouble making yourself a priority? Can you find an hour a day to work on yourself? If not, try this:
You have to identify what is taking up your time. Where are you spending your ? Keep a notebook with you and jot down what you’re doing each hour. Keep this notebook for a few weeks or so.
If something makes you feel content or happy, be sure and note it down. If you see something that sounds interesting that you’ve never tried, jot it down. If you see someone doing something you might like, talk to them and find out more. Jot down your thoughts and feelings about the activity.
When the time is up, look at where your time went. Are all of the places you are ‘spending’ your time helping you? And yes, cleaning your house is helping you. And mowing the grass is helping you. Don’t use this exercise as an excuse to ‘get out’ of chores!
Look at the things that made you happy. Look at the things that interested you. Could these be your passion? Who knows, but now you have a good
start!
(you might continue with your journal – maybe not every hour, but daily. Keeping a written account of your life, passions, and even setbacks helps you know yourself)
You may have joined a bowling league to keep busy. But if bowling is not your true passion, you might want to bow out for a while. Not to say you can’t bowl, but don’t let the activity stop you from finding your true passion.
And I can’t tell you what is a passion or not. One of you may think bowling is a life’s passion! One may not. Or model trains. Or basket-weaving. It’s your passion, only you can answer the question, “What is my passion?”
But you’re going to need to make time for yourself to begin finding your talents. They may be deeply buried inside of you. So you may need lots of time to figure out your gifts. You have to know what your gifts and talents are before you can begin using them to feed your passions!
A note here, the longer you drank, the harder it may be to find your passion. By now you realize how much drinking has taken and hidden from you. You may have to dig a little longer to find you joy and talent. But this is you taking back your life! This is you focused on you! You will have a longer, more fulfilling voyage of discovery.
For all of us, long-term sobriety depends on using our gifts and talents to live a life filled with passion and purpose.
And reaching that goal might just start with you saying “No.”
One of the tricks we learn in recovery is to keep busy. If you stay busy, you won’t have time to think about drinking. And it’s true. In the beginning of sobriety, it’s good to stay busy so you can learn how to live without alcohol. Keeping busy helps you fall into bed and realize you didn’t have time to drink.
But as you embark on the true journey of recovery, it is very hard to find, and live, your intended life when you are constantly busy.
In long-term recovery, we need to find fulfillment and passion to stay sober. To do that, we need to place daily focus on a few key areas of our lives. These include:
• Self-care,
• Spirituality, and
• Developing our Talents.
The problem...we simply neglect these areas because we are too busy.
We can never seem to find the time because we’ve got so much ‘busy-work.’ Our old crutch of ‘staying busy’ begins to be a detriment to our sobriety. As we journey through recovery, we need to be extremely ruthless with how we spend our time. We need to make the time to focus on ourselves.
Are you having trouble making yourself a priority? Can you find an hour a day to work on yourself? If not, try this:
You have to identify what is taking up your time. Where are you spending your ? Keep a notebook with you and jot down what you’re doing each hour. Keep this notebook for a few weeks or so.
If something makes you feel content or happy, be sure and note it down. If you see something that sounds interesting that you’ve never tried, jot it down. If you see someone doing something you might like, talk to them and find out more. Jot down your thoughts and feelings about the activity.
When the time is up, look at where your time went. Are all of the places you are ‘spending’ your time helping you? And yes, cleaning your house is helping you. And mowing the grass is helping you. Don’t use this exercise as an excuse to ‘get out’ of chores!
Look at the things that made you happy. Look at the things that interested you. Could these be your passion? Who knows, but now you have a good
start!
(you might continue with your journal – maybe not every hour, but daily. Keeping a written account of your life, passions, and even setbacks helps you know yourself)
You may have joined a bowling league to keep busy. But if bowling is not your true passion, you might want to bow out for a while. Not to say you can’t bowl, but don’t let the activity stop you from finding your true passion.
And I can’t tell you what is a passion or not. One of you may think bowling is a life’s passion! One may not. Or model trains. Or basket-weaving. It’s your passion, only you can answer the question, “What is my passion?”
But you’re going to need to make time for yourself to begin finding your talents. They may be deeply buried inside of you. So you may need lots of time to figure out your gifts. You have to know what your gifts and talents are before you can begin using them to feed your passions!
A note here, the longer you drank, the harder it may be to find your passion. By now you realize how much drinking has taken and hidden from you. You may have to dig a little longer to find you joy and talent. But this is you taking back your life! This is you focused on you! You will have a longer, more fulfilling voyage of discovery.
For all of us, long-term sobriety depends on using our gifts and talents to live a life filled with passion and purpose.
And reaching that goal might just start with you saying “No.”
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 852
Everyone in my close circle knows I can't drink...everyone who isn't never knew I had a drinking problem in the first place, so if I say "No" in front of them, it's no big deal. They just assume I'm not interested in a drink at that time. I just try not to over think that question when someone outside my close friends/family asks it.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
For all of us, long-term sobriety depends on using our gifts and talents to live a life filled with passion and purpose.
And reaching that goal might just start with you saying “No.”
And reaching that goal might just start with you saying “No.”
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by gardendiva 
Good on you Boleo. Rowd's post is obviously for the benefit of those who still have temptations.
The idea that a spiritual awakening gives us the power to say "No" is a misconception. A spiritual awakening removes the need to say no in the first place.
The idea that the spiritual awakening can only be found in 12 step recovery is yet another Red Herring. It can be traced all the way back to ancient Hinduism. It is well documented in Easter religions as "Moksha".
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Boleo
The idea that it takes months, years or decades to have a spiritual awakening is a fallacy. It is the result of action rather than calendar days spent not-drinking. Some people here claim that they got it their first day and I don't doubt them one bit.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by ScottFromWI
While all that may be true there are people who do not seek a spiritual awakening and/or choose to live a life base on other principles. Or there are some that may seek it and never find it. In other words, there are many ways to get sober.
My message is for those who are in recovery for the long-haul. Those who see addiction as a life & death issue. Those who see abstinence as a arduous task analogous to the Myth of Sisyphus, who had to push his burden uphill for eternity. Those who want only the "best possible solution" and will go to any lengths to get it.
"Sometimes the good is the enemy of the best".
(Abe Lincoln)
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by Boleo
My message is for those who are in recovery for the long-haul. Those who see addiction as a life & death issue. Those who see abstinence as a arduous task analogous to the Myth of Sisyphus, who had to push his burden uphill for eternity. Those who want only the "best possible solution" and will go to any lengths to get it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 5,439
Originally Posted by Boleo
For those of us who had a spiritual awakening, there is no need to say "No" because the temptation to drink has simply been removed hook, line an sinker.
The original post has many great points about making great lives for ourselves and I think they could apply to both normal people and recovering addicts/alcoholics.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: TN
Posts: 263
"Hey, buddy, great to see you! Haven't seen you in awhile, how are things?! Let me get you a drink!!"
"I've had a spiritual awakening."
"Hey, buddy, great to see you! Haven't seen you in awhile, how are things? Let me get you a drink!"
"No. But thanks anyway. Things are great! How are you doing?"
I loved the title and idea of the post. Simplify.
There is a lot of power in "No."
"I've had a spiritual awakening."
"Hey, buddy, great to see you! Haven't seen you in awhile, how are things? Let me get you a drink!"
"No. But thanks anyway. Things are great! How are you doing?"
I loved the title and idea of the post. Simplify.
There is a lot of power in "No."
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by PhaseTwo
Must be nice to have a " spiritual awakening" and have it be so easy. I think for most people temptations don't seem to be removed by miracles, we have to work at changing our lives
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
I had to spend so much time on me and myself and my mind and fixing myself etc. that i was accused of being selfish on many occasions. ANd you know I probably was being selfish. But I had to be if i was going to remain sober. I had to not allow the accusations of being selfish lead to guilt and then to a bottle I had to push through it and work on myself and getting better so that I could then be able to help focus on others around me. If i'm not healthy what good am I to anyone else?
So yeah working on yourself is a bit selfish but its a necesary evil in my case.
So yeah working on yourself is a bit selfish but its a necesary evil in my case.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by zjw
So yeah working on yourself is a bit selfish but its a necesary evil in my case.
Not to mention. Most of us start to keep our promises, tell the truth and fulfill our obligations when we sober up. That in itself is unselfish behavior.
IMO if everybody benefits - it ain't selfish.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 468
Thank you, rowd44. Sounds like good advice to me. This weekend I will be both sober and peppy enough to put some time into hobbies and interests that I have been neglecting for years. I'm also starting to be more aware of how I use my free time, especially when it comes to mindless internetting.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Posts: 322
Originally Posted by Boleo
Well put. Some people are only looking for "pretty good recovery". Something that will serve them in the short run yet leaving them with the option to drink again when life gets more comfortable. I even looked for that myself, till I realized it was just a kludge.
My message is for those who are in recovery for the long-haul. Those who see addiction as a life & death issue. Those who see abstinence as a arduous task analogous to the Myth of Sisyphus, who had to push his burden uphill for eternity. Those who want only the "best possible solution" and will go to any lengths to get it.
"Sometimes the good is the enemy of the best".
(Abe Lincoln)
My message is for those who are in recovery for the long-haul. Those who see addiction as a life & death issue. Those who see abstinence as a arduous task analogous to the Myth of Sisyphus, who had to push his burden uphill for eternity. Those who want only the "best possible solution" and will go to any lengths to get it.
"Sometimes the good is the enemy of the best".
(Abe Lincoln)
How pompous.
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