angelwithoutgod

I lost all my friends since I quit drinking. All I do now is work, do chores, etc. My life seems so boring now. I'm afraid my boyfriend is going to get tired of this and dump me. Drinking helped me be social and now without that I'm just boring. I don't know who I am anymore. I used to have 2 groups of friends. Our friendships revolved around bars and alcohol. I lost my best friend. Even though she was rude and condescending to me when I quit the bar life, I still miss having friends. I used to be interesting and fun. Now I'm not and it sucks. My life is so repetitive and boring I feel like I'm going crazy. No one invites me anywhere anymore. It's like I don't exist. I don't know where to meet people and I'm extremely shy without alcohol. I miss my old life.

LDT

Hi angel.... I had ( and still sometimes have ) the same situation happen to me. Are you in early sobriety? If so, know that this will work itself out. I also lost almost all of my "friends", to include my best friend/drinking buddy. It was really my choice to lose them because they all still drink with huge intention, and I am not in that place any more. .....it's interesting to note that while we think we are "boring" when we quit, just the opposite actually happens. I was just told this week that I was so much more fun to be around now that I'm sober. ....I've made new friendships through yoga classes, and community theater, as well as talking to people in coffee shops, joining book clubs, and church activities... I think there is a whole thread somewhere here on SR that has a million suggestions on what to do and where to meet people now that we're sober.

Trust me, we were not that "fun and interesting" when we were drinking.

IOAA2

Hi. If you can stay sober come back and see if your feelings are the same. Usually all these “friends” are only drinking associates. Right now I’d guess your only “friend” is alcohol. I went through this period and didn’t accept it for too long a period of time.

BE WELL

Gottalife

I don't get losing your friends because you decided to clean up your act. They don't sound like real friends to me.

My experience was different. I lost all my friends because of my drinking. When I stopped my real friends came back, though some of that was due to me making amends for the damage and hurt I caused.

No one invites you out? When I was drinking I remember turning up at some old schoolmates flat one afternoon with a view to renewing our friendship and getting on the grog. They met me at the gate and sent me away. Didn't even get up the drive. I had a couple of birthday parties to which I invited lots of friends and family. No one came.

I eventually joined AA. There I found plenty of real friends, though today most of my friends are outside of AA. I also found a purpose in life. What I learned in AA gave me a happy and satisfying life.

The friends you are mention don't seem very happy you are sober. The problem is if your drinking was bad enough for you to stop, and I'm guessing they all drink the same way you did, then what does that say about them? They would feel a lot better if they could drag you back down to their level, then they don't have to look at their On my way! drinking.

jazzfish

Drinking doesn't make you fun and interesting. It only makes you a drinker and drunks are some of the most boring people I know. Sobriety opens life up. It is time to take charge of your life and start planning your own activities. There are lots of social groups to try out that are built around activities and interests other than drinking. Have you tried meetup.com? I know it is frustrating and awkward, but a new and interesting sober life that is full of friends is possible.

Climber122

Angel - it's very normal to feel a deep sense of loss when we sober up. So many times in our history of addiction, taking a drink relieved us of feelings of pain, shyness, and given us something to when we were bored. We wouldn't have done it otherwise right? Taking that drug again and again reinforced the behavior, and our brains eventually got so that we couldn't feel good unless we used the drug. Then the health/legal/family/social/vocational problems started and we decided we might want to find another way to live.

So if you've decided to stop (and I'm sure you have some good reasons to do so,) just expect this feeling for a little while and know that it will change, but you'll need to change something about your life for that to happen.

One other thing about friendship - you are a valuable person worth caring about, and anyone who would shove you aside simply because you are doing what you need to do to live a healthier life is not a friend. Friends support and love one another no matter what comes. I second the idea to find a support group (AA or other) to go to regularly. This will not only give you information and a support network to keep you from drinking when the craving comes on, but will lead you to some people who will be genuinely interested in you, and will understand how difficult this decision you have made can be.

Anna

I wonder why you believe drinking makes you interesting?

Have you made any changes in your life that would enable you to meet new people and get involved in new activities? You might think about taking a course, join a sports team, do some volunteer work, anything that would enable you to mix with people without alcohol being involved.

zjw

I'm in a similier situation. as i sobered up my attitude and outlook changed. I quit being the worlds doormat and well I lost all my friends as a result. and a lot of aquantences really dont care for me. Its rocked the foundation of my relationship with many family members as well.

In my case I'm not real social to begin with so loosing friends while it stinks i'm not sitting around wishing I had someone to hang out with on a friday night. But it does get lonely from time to time.

how its affected my relationship with family members is probably the worst of it. I'm more ok with it then everyone else is. I dont want to be there door mat and I feel better this way. But most dunno how to react to this and are very troubled and annoyed with me.

In time it gets better you make new friends as you head down a different road in life.

Tamerua

I am also a really (really really) shy person and used drinking to lubricate into social situations. It took a while to get used to sober life because of the same thing. I go to AA because there are other sober people and have made real friends through it. You could try that or LifeRing or other sober groups. What about Meetup, looking for groups that have your same interests? My partner, who is also shy, met up with other movie buffs and they go see movies and get dinner all the time.

Just keep doing this, sober is so much better than not.

LBrain

I found that when I quit drinking I discovered who my friends were.

jdooner

I get what you are saying. However, what you cannot see yet is that your perspective is jaded. Its as if you have believed the World is flat because that is all you have known. Now you are sailing off to a new destination on the hope and trust that its round. Its scary but thrilling too.

If you can make it through these tough early times, if you like me what you will probably find is 1) your friends were drinking acquaintances and were not true friends; 2) being able to live life will open up wondrous opportunities that you never dreamed of before; and 3) you will begin to figure out who you are and were meant to be.

You have the World at your fingertips sober. You can live life. If you're active in your addiction you are merely a passenger existing in your life along for the ride, hoping for things that will be stolen from you over time.