Passed the test
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 69
Passed the test
So, I wrote the following last Thursday but was unable to post it due to having no internet connection. Thankfully I am currently sat here with a cup of tea next to me. I did head down to the beach/bars but only to order a coffee, in a weird way, it helped me in doing this. I know this wouldn't work for a lot of people and I totally get that and I do NOT recommend it if there is any chance you might drink. For me however it seems that if I go and see what it is I think I'm supposedly missing I find that I'm not missing much at all. On the contrary. So I ordered and drank my coffee, wandered to the next place had another coffee and then thought to myself if I had have had a few drinks I would just be here in a drunken stupor not wanting to go home, talking rubbish and waking up the following day with the inevitable anxiety, black-out syndrome, feelings of failure and cravings. I even started up a couple of conversations just to prove to myself that it CAN be done sober. Needless to say I'm over the moon with my decision. Anyway the following is the post I wrote but could not post last Thurs:
I am not religious but I have heard about god apparently testing us, well today has truly felt like one of those tests. I am currently away on vacation and everything was going well, made it through the airport (as posted on recently) and was enjoying some good quality relaxing time. Then it decided to rain. This was/is the test, in fact I'm writing this now during the downpour (trying to divert my attention) the thing is there is nothing to do here when it rains. There is only one channel on the TV in my room which plays on a loop and I'm on my own. Now in the past on my travels I would have just headed to the nearest bar to drink and ramble on to complete strangers. I was so close to breaking only a few minutes ago. My heart started to beat hard and I had it in my head that I would just drink today whilst it poured down and then return to sobriety tomorrow. I'm 13 months sober, I'm very proud of that and I don't want to demolish my achievement, hence why I'm writing this. I know how much I would regret it tomorrow. I am going to try and be strong. Normally at home I would just head to the gym. It does feel like a test.
I am not religious but I have heard about god apparently testing us, well today has truly felt like one of those tests. I am currently away on vacation and everything was going well, made it through the airport (as posted on recently) and was enjoying some good quality relaxing time. Then it decided to rain. This was/is the test, in fact I'm writing this now during the downpour (trying to divert my attention) the thing is there is nothing to do here when it rains. There is only one channel on the TV in my room which plays on a loop and I'm on my own. Now in the past on my travels I would have just headed to the nearest bar to drink and ramble on to complete strangers. I was so close to breaking only a few minutes ago. My heart started to beat hard and I had it in my head that I would just drink today whilst it poured down and then return to sobriety tomorrow. I'm 13 months sober, I'm very proud of that and I don't want to demolish my achievement, hence why I'm writing this. I know how much I would regret it tomorrow. I am going to try and be strong. Normally at home I would just head to the gym. It does feel like a test.
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