What am I holding on too?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 17
What am I holding on too?
I have made a few post in the past. I am currently in a drunk mode. I am stuck yet again. I can do the sober time. I can keep it up as long as I have someone on my ass. I have burned so many relationships romantically and friendly. Business wise I have done the same. I have been seeing a counselor and reading the aa book. I'm ready to go to my next meeting as soon as it is done. I am doing ok I would think but I know I have destroyed the lives of many. My homework so it is called involves letting go of my past. Am I expected to forgive myself? If so I have done so. I have done church. I have been on my knees and prayed. I feel my higher power around me. It is not OK drinking or not to do the things I have done. I am just a selfish *******. What keeps me this way? Why can't I let go of things? I've seen a lot and I have always pulled out of it. Why is my **** not given anymore? What am I holding on to?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 5,229
yeah picture life like a tv with 3 channels. past, present, future. Just tune into the present ignore the past and the future. ones done and over with and one aint happened yet so no sense in thinking about it. I know it can seem irresponsable when all we hear is about how we need to plan for our futures. and all we do is think about our past mistakes. We are bombarded with stuff in tv and elsewhere to make us feel bad about ourselves and our choices. Gotta shut that out and focus on the hear and now.
It might not seem responsable to a degree but once you sober up it starts to make sense. its still hard to do i will admit i catch myself spriralling downhill too I just try not to fall so dang far anymore.
It might not seem responsable to a degree but once you sober up it starts to make sense. its still hard to do i will admit i catch myself spriralling downhill too I just try not to fall so dang far anymore.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: California
Posts: 195
When I'm plagued by past memories I remind myself that no one cares as much as I'm caring and torturing myself about them. I can't think of a single thing 2+ years ago that anyone could still be holding over my head while THEY'RE trying to sleep. And I'm an alcoholic just like the rest of us. If it's something that you think you could make right somehow, do it. Apologize even if it seems silly because it was so long ago. But I don't think many people keep a list of every wrong anyone has ever done them forever and ever.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
The steps in AA will help you to clear up the wreckage of your past. If you were like me you cant do it alone. Go to meetings, get a sponsor and work (as in tangible reading and writing) through the steps.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
since you state yer currently in drunk mode, I think one of the biggest things holding you up is that yer still holding on to alcohol. as long as someone is on yer ass keeps ya not drinking, but you may have to make the decision you want to stop drinking and are willing to do whatever ya gotta do to stop drinking for you. AA has a pamphlet titled 'a guide to the 12 steps of AA." heres a little bit of it:
We honestly admitted we were powerless over alcohol and sincerely wanted to do something about it. In other word we admitted we were whipped and had a genuine desire to QUIT FOR GOOD .
WITHOUT the first step there is no chance
of recovery. It has been demonstrated over and
over again that a person becomes sober and stays
sober only when he is doing so for himself and
himself alone. He may become sober temporarily
for the sake of some person, fear of some sort,
because of his job, but unless he is sincerely, genu-
inely determined to sober up for himself, his days
of sobriety are numbered.
It is a difficult step to take. It is a step in which
no assistance from an outside source is possible.
We honestly admitted we were powerless over alcohol and sincerely wanted to do something about it. In other word we admitted we were whipped and had a genuine desire to QUIT FOR GOOD .
WITHOUT the first step there is no chance
of recovery. It has been demonstrated over and
over again that a person becomes sober and stays
sober only when he is doing so for himself and
himself alone. He may become sober temporarily
for the sake of some person, fear of some sort,
because of his job, but unless he is sincerely, genu-
inely determined to sober up for himself, his days
of sobriety are numbered.
It is a difficult step to take. It is a step in which
no assistance from an outside source is possible.
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