leviathan

i was jumping into different forums on SR last night, just as a reader(cant seem to sign in with the nook). went to the family/friends forum. bad move. i understand the damage done by alcoholics to their families. i understand the need to "get it all out", but i could not find any optimistic posts. -i fell asleep trying!

Stay away from this forum if you're feeling good about your recovery. most spouses on this site say its all temporary. all promises are empty. the addict/ alky has no concern for anyone, and will return to using and burning bridges.

i soothe myself by thinking "maybe the sig. others with success stories of redemption and renewed intimacy just no longer feel the need to post on sites such as this.

bigsombrero

There are many who post in F&F who are still with their partners, both sober partners and some who are still drinking. They are mainly there to support each other. I'd guess those who are feeling great might not always need that kind of support.

Are you sober? One of the important things to grasp in early recovery is to focus on your own mess, and not worry about what is going on in someone else's back yard.

leviathan

yep. sober. enjoying it too. i'm an insatiable reader, and kind of wandered into that forum. im not really totally rocked by it. it was just a "whoa..." moment for me.

i realize that enabling behaviors are easy for a partner to fall into. after all, that's what an active user wants. i just wish i would have seen someone respond to a post with a positive real life scenario. again, and again it was: "get the hell out. you're fighting a losing battle. etc.

Dee74

We have different forums for a reason Leviathan - if the other side is too raw for you to read right now it's ok not to go there


I actually find a lot of hope on the FF side - I've followed a lot of stories and posters for a long time.
Like addiction it's a journey from pain fear and anger into something good and healing.

There are happy endings - sometimes they involve the alcoholic, and sometimes not

D

Raider

[QUOTE=leviathan;4622269]i was jumping into different forums on SR last night, just as a reader(cant seem to sign in with the nook). went to the family/friends forum. bad move. i understand the damage done by alcoholics to their families. i understand the need to "get it all out", but i could not find any optimistic posts. -i fell asleep trying!

Stay away from this forum if you're feeling good about your recovery. most spouses on this site say its all temporary. all promises are empty. the addict/ alky has no concern for anyone, and will return to using and burning bridges.[/



Well they are speaking from experience. I would be saying the same thing, I'm sure, and I am an alcoholic. What does that say about me?

Mountainmanbob

sorry that -- that is the message sent sometimes

I wish to share that there is recovery for those that have a (true desire)
and
I know of many in recovery that are happily married today

we may mainly hear about the family war stories
but
seldom do ones chime in to share about God, family and loving one another

remember -- God does heal -- for the ones who are willing

MM

DoubleBarrel

As a recovered alcoholic, I think seeing the other side keeps me keenly aware of the havoc that I wreaked on my friends and family.

Its a selfish disease, and its not a victimless indulgence.

karate

What's the other forum , ?

I want to read it , I need a reality check some .

I also look at Bluelight also , it will check your reality too

I hope you can find some hope here ..

Hawkeye13

I'm a triple winner, and post and read regularly on most of the forums.
I actually spend more time on Friends and Family of Alcoholics than on these threads.

Yes, it is hard to see the damage that an alcoholic can do to a family.
Since I've been both the giver and receiver (I'm an alcoholic, Adult Child of Alcoholic, and now Spouse of Alcoholic), I find it helpful to know
the impact my drinking has had on the ones I love, and also the very real risks that we face even with recovery.
It also helps to know where some of the anger and fear I still have stems from.

The pain addiction brings is real, and growing up with an alcoholic as a child in many ways led me towards my own addiction.
I also think my drinking had a negative influence on my spouse's alcohol abuse, though I realize we all choose to drink or not drink.

To change the pattern we must see and acknowledge it. Wounds need air and light to heal.
But I also have come to understand that for some of us, it is still too new and we aren't ready to own our parts yet.
Focusing on your own recovery is the way to get past that perhaps.

freshstart57

It is hard to remember that forums like SR self-select for folks who are having a rough go. If you think about it for a minute, there isn't much sense for someone whose spouse has kicked an addiction and addressed the havoc it causes to join and post on a message board. My wife, for example, is much too busy to do something like share ESH on a social media forum. She might say that her husband came back after 30 years of drinking, has kicked his depression and anxiety problem, has been sober for almost 3, and doesn't appear to ever be at risk for drinking again. Now when are 'we' going to redo that bathroom?

Use the FF forum to appreciate the moral aspect of continuing to drink and use it to make your plan about continuing to use alcohol in the future. But please don't let it tell you that you can't succeed and that your marriage will fail and that you are doomed to a life of misery, relapse after relapse. Believe in yourself, do what you must, and your life will sort itself out for the best.