freethinking

I have achieved about a year of sobriety before. And while that may not sound like much, it is more than the mere 2-3 days I keep accumilating now. I don't know why this is. I don't know why I can't snap out of it.

I am terrified of going back to AA. I am afraid the people there will be like "Oh, here she is again. She'll be back out in a couple of months". I once opened up at a beginner's meeting about my inability to stay sober, and an old timer in a biker's jacket practically yelled at me in his "share" stating I was feeling sorry for myself. It was humiliating and I got into an altercation with him. That has turned me off to AA so much. When I need to go back, I am afraid of the hard a$$ responses I'll get.

huntingtontx

Is AA worse then being drunk? I would do whatever I have to do to be and stay sober. I don't go to AA, but I would if that is what I needed to stay sober. I love being sober and who cares what some guy said. You know who and what you are. Don't let anyone or anything get between you and being sober. You can do this. We are all here for you.

doggonecarl

Of sobriety, perhaps. Fear keeps a lot of people drinking.

Taking5

I'd try a different meeting. That one doesn't sound too healthy.

Olive1

Hi Freethinking,
I went to a variety of different meetings when I first got sober. I didn't share at all much in the beginning. I did a lot of just listening to everyone else's stories. Just being there and listening helped me quite a bit.
I hope you can go back and give it another try and find a meeting that works for you.

Hearts

The rough part about group therapy and strength in numbers is, well, you're in a group. And people all have their own faults that just come with the territory. I've been offended on this site before or read things that I don't agree with even and I just remind myself that it is one person and their one opinion and I CAN'T let it ruin everything else for me when there are so many other people who matter and can help.

Dee74

Hi FT

I think, whatever you do, you'll need to step out of your comfort zone.

If you really feel that one guy ruined AA for you, what about checking out other programmes?

D

Carlotta

This has not been my experience in AA when people come back. We are like: Hey you're back, good to see you, have some coffee and cookies.
Well maybe you were on the pity pot and maybe you were not, he had really no business cross talking and embarrassing you in public. Don't let one individual keep you away from AV. Your AV is using this incident as ammunition to keep you drinking.
You are a braver woman than I am btw, I would not pick a fight with a biker, I m too old to run fast LOL

heath480

Freethinking,don't let one person put you off going back to AA.Try a variety of meetings if you can.

If you came to the meetings I attend ,you would be welcomed back with open arms,how it should be.

karate

Some of the old timers are a bunch of horses asses , know a few that are dry drunks -so to speak .

Not trying to generalize , but just because someone has not drank in 20 years ,they are no better than the rest of us .

EndGameNYC

Not everything gets better when we put down the drink.

karate

Some people forget to work on themselves , long way to go my self .

Tiptree

My sister has been in AA over 20 years and your experience does not sound like the norm. She has been encouraging me to go to a meeting which I plan to do (sound like procrastination anyone? ) . She says I need to "shop around" to find the right fit. I know not everybody has that luxury depending on where they live, transportation, etc. I hope you do have some choice and can find a meeting you like without an obnoxious a-hole to ruin it. Or some alternate program to AA that can help you stay sober. Fingers crossed!

SoberLeigh

Hi freethinking. I have been thinking about you and wondering how you were.

I am sorry that your experience with AA has been difficult so far; is there a different meeting you can try? If not, maybe just sit and absorb for a while and try to put aside any negativity. There may even be some new people there since the last time you went.

2muchpain

I have learned to be a little selective on what people say to me at AA meetings. I don't mean to imply that you should be close-minded when people are sharing, but there is a difference between people that are truly trying to help, and others that are still carrying a lot of baggage and they are just trying to find people to unload it on. Keep going to meetings and you will eventually find your niche. You might also want to look into Rational Recovery or other programs that you might find useful along with AA. Good luck!!

RobbyRobot

Forget about it. AA membership can sometimes seriously disappoint. Doesn't matter. What does matter is dumping as much emotional baggage as you can throw away. When we carry fears and resentments we can really make the journey all the more difficult for ourselves and those around us.

Your already a well seasoned AA member, and although this may seem an embarrassment to you, it doesn't have to be. You've learned a great deal of life experience, and if you can allow yourself to relax and be slow to react to others and quick to help out wherever and whenever, you'll soon enough notice people don't care much about your past.

I know its not easy when we think we have a reputation, but nonetheless becoming sober always comes at a price. Real freedom is never cost free to have and enjoy. Keep your eyes on the prize. Don't sweat all the noise ands mayhem that comes with early AA fellowship.

Let your experience work for you.
It's doable.