Went to dinner...everyone drinking.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Washington, DC
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Went to dinner...everyone drinking.
And I managed to stick to club soda through the whole thing. It was ******* torture! I wanted to tear all of my skin off. I don't think I even tasted my food. I hope this gets easier, or I'm going to become a hermit. I don't think my willpower is enough to keep doing that repeatedly.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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I took some time out from things like that - I needed to put some clear distance between who I used to be and who I wanted to be.
When I did put myself out there again socially I'd been sober long enough to know I *preferred* being sober, so other people didn't bother me, drinking or not.
D
When I did put myself out there again socially I'd been sober long enough to know I *preferred* being sober, so other people didn't bother me, drinking or not.
D
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
I remember a dinner, really early on, where I was watching martinis being poured and vascilating between salivation and gagging (last hangover was a doozy).
I left that dinner with a sore jaw from grinding my teeth.
No joke.
It does get much MUCH easier. I promise.
I left that dinner with a sore jaw from grinding my teeth.
No joke.
It does get much MUCH easier. I promise.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
I would not be comfortable with seeing everyone drink. I still haven't gone to dinner for my birthday. Nice restaurants steak, baked potatoes = Drinks = blackout. So I haven't went yet. But that's just me.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: dublin
Posts: 10
Nearly two years down the line I don't have nights like that anymore because none of my "close" friends are interested in watching me sit there with a non alcoholic drink.
I guess the bottom line as far as I can see is that the heavy drinkers (more than a couple of glasses of wine over the night in my book), are basically drug users and they are not interested in a non users company.
Its amazing that as a society we would not expect a recovering heroin addict to go back and watch all their old using friends shoot up but we still think its fine for a recovering alcoholic to have to watch all their old using friends drink copious amounts of wine and to find it easy!
My experience is of old drinking friends who are really only interested in their drug and when your assuaging their guilt by joining in everything is fine but if you are clean you are no good at all.
I would distance yourself from these situations if you want to stay clean. If there are any real friends amongst the drinking cohort they will understand and stay with you.
Otherwise who needs the rest?
If you decide to go back and start drinking with them, will they visit you in the emergency room or the prison when the time comes?
I guess the bottom line as far as I can see is that the heavy drinkers (more than a couple of glasses of wine over the night in my book), are basically drug users and they are not interested in a non users company.
Its amazing that as a society we would not expect a recovering heroin addict to go back and watch all their old using friends shoot up but we still think its fine for a recovering alcoholic to have to watch all their old using friends drink copious amounts of wine and to find it easy!
My experience is of old drinking friends who are really only interested in their drug and when your assuaging their guilt by joining in everything is fine but if you are clean you are no good at all.
I would distance yourself from these situations if you want to stay clean. If there are any real friends amongst the drinking cohort they will understand and stay with you.
Otherwise who needs the rest?
If you decide to go back and start drinking with them, will they visit you in the emergency room or the prison when the time comes?
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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Originally Posted by alphaomega 
I remember a dinner, really early on, where I was watching martinis being poured and vascilating between salivation and gagging (last hangover was a doozy).
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
Hanging out with people drinking is tough, luckily for me most of the people around me don't. I have made a conscious effort though to avoid places that have a lot of drinking. You'll get to a place though in your life where it won't bother you as much if you abstain long enough. I still do find myself in situations sometimes and I just order a coke or coffee if they have it. No biggie to me anymore because when it does happen it's not like I am with partiers at the bar.
That is one scenario I will likely never see again because that is truly the last place I want to be. A beer soaked stinky bar.
Hang in there, it gets easier. Just try to avoid the bar scene for a while.
That is one scenario I will likely never see again because that is truly the last place I want to be. A beer soaked stinky bar.
Hang in there, it gets easier. Just try to avoid the bar scene for a while.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I am over 2 months sober and in the last years of my drinking career I was almost exclusively a solo drinker at home. Very socially isolated. So when I quit, I found that my triggers were mostly my home environment and certain activities I engaged in while drinking at home. Did not feel the same way in social situations but still made sure I was very aware and always with an escape plan. Now being a bit further away from the hellish times, I find these triggers and my thoughts changing...
My work involves traveling on business, especially going to conferences quite frequently. Sadly, I avoided and neglected this part of my job quite a lot during especially the last year of my drinking because nothing seemed more appealing than getting wasted at home...
Now I'm in the process of restarting the conferences more. In fact, I really like to travel and the opportunities to meet up with colleagues, see new places, etc. The only thing I'm not very enthusiastic about going to conferences is that there is usually a lot of drinking. Sometimes now that I'm a bit removed from my solo drinking habits during the recent years, I start to find these situations a bit triggering, because they bring back tons of old memories from the times before drinking became a serious issue for me and I was a "social" drinker. When I used to go to many conferences and spend the evenings at the bar with colleagues or even all nights out, then often make fun of the hangovers we had the day after so showed up a bit late... I had no idea what a *real* hangover was back then and it was all fun or so I thought. The memories and impact of the later bad times are much stronger of course, but somewhat less threatening now with a bit of distance, and my mind allows these much older memories to surface... So I need to find ways to cope with these newish triggers now. Am going to a conference just today... do have some plans in mind how to handle it but to be honest, I am a little anxious.
I think for me it's right now when I really start to miss social life after all those years of restricting, and with these thoughts sometimes come the crazy ones as well. Absolutely no intention or thinking that maybe I can "enjoy" these events my old ways, but am a bit afraid of feeling confused and badly in these environments. Well, we'll see. I will definitely need to learn a new way of dealing with these situations while taking advantage of them professionally.
My work involves traveling on business, especially going to conferences quite frequently. Sadly, I avoided and neglected this part of my job quite a lot during especially the last year of my drinking because nothing seemed more appealing than getting wasted at home...
Now I'm in the process of restarting the conferences more. In fact, I really like to travel and the opportunities to meet up with colleagues, see new places, etc. The only thing I'm not very enthusiastic about going to conferences is that there is usually a lot of drinking. Sometimes now that I'm a bit removed from my solo drinking habits during the recent years, I start to find these situations a bit triggering, because they bring back tons of old memories from the times before drinking became a serious issue for me and I was a "social" drinker. When I used to go to many conferences and spend the evenings at the bar with colleagues or even all nights out, then often make fun of the hangovers we had the day after so showed up a bit late... I had no idea what a *real* hangover was back then and it was all fun or so I thought. The memories and impact of the later bad times are much stronger of course, but somewhat less threatening now with a bit of distance, and my mind allows these much older memories to surface... So I need to find ways to cope with these newish triggers now. Am going to a conference just today... do have some plans in mind how to handle it but to be honest, I am a little anxious.
I think for me it's right now when I really start to miss social life after all those years of restricting, and with these thoughts sometimes come the crazy ones as well. Absolutely no intention or thinking that maybe I can "enjoy" these events my old ways, but am a bit afraid of feeling confused and badly in these environments. Well, we'll see. I will definitely need to learn a new way of dealing with these situations while taking advantage of them professionally.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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Oh god, conferences. I have one in Boston and one in New Orleans coming up very soon. It's going to be hard being around all those people getting **** faced. I am a speaker at both conferences, so I have an excuse not to drink, but it'll still be tough not to feel like I'm missing out.
As far as last night is concerned, the other people there are normal drinkers, so they can drink a glass or two and be done. I could never do that. I did come out and just tell them I'm taking a break from alcohol. No one seemed to care really, so I guess that's good. I have a couple of very close, old friends and it will be hard to reorient our relationship to not include drinking. Not that EVERY situation involved it, but certainly many of them did.
As far as last night is concerned, the other people there are normal drinkers, so they can drink a glass or two and be done. I could never do that. I did come out and just tell them I'm taking a break from alcohol. No one seemed to care really, so I guess that's good. I have a couple of very close, old friends and it will be hard to reorient our relationship to not include drinking. Not that EVERY situation involved it, but certainly many of them did.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: dublin
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Originally Posted by Carbonite
Oh god, conferences. I have one in Boston and one in New Orleans coming up very soon. It's going to be hard being around all those people getting **** faced. I am a speaker at both conferences, so I have an excuse not to drink, but it'll still be tough not to feel like I'm missing out.
As far as last night is concerned, the other people there are normal drinkers, so they can drink a glass or two and be done. I could never do that. I did come out and just tell them I'm taking a break from alcohol. No one seemed to care really, so I guess that's good. I have a couple of very close, old friends and it will be hard to reorient our relationship to not include drinking. Not that EVERY situation involved it, but certainly many of them did.
As far as last night is concerned, the other people there are normal drinkers, so they can drink a glass or two and be done. I could never do that. I did come out and just tell them I'm taking a break from alcohol. No one seemed to care really, so I guess that's good. I have a couple of very close, old friends and it will be hard to reorient our relationship to not include drinking. Not that EVERY situation involved it, but certainly many of them did.
This approach got me through when I had no choice but to attend.
I really prefer not to be in these situations to begin with but I guess you dont always have a choice.
You are not missing out on much. In my case a conference night just ended up being a blackout and a terrible hangover. And that awful feeling in the back of your head.........did I screw up last night and insult someone.
Dont miss that feeling in the morning.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Dang carbonite thats some good will power! I agree with others it will get easier in time. I dont avoid those kinds of situations now becuase i'm tempted to drink. I just dont find them enjoyable by any means. Its not my cup of tea anymore if you will.
You describe being at a conference and being around others drinking and getting drunk and how tough that will be on you. I can only assume this is for work or something rather important so you have to go etc.. Me personally I'd be looking for any way i could out of the situations. partly to avoid the temptation and partly because like i said its just not my cup of tea.
That being said I admire your will power and courage to face stuff like that head on.
You describe being at a conference and being around others drinking and getting drunk and how tough that will be on you. I can only assume this is for work or something rather important so you have to go etc.. Me personally I'd be looking for any way i could out of the situations. partly to avoid the temptation and partly because like i said its just not my cup of tea.
That being said I admire your will power and courage to face stuff like that head on.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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Originally Posted by Carbonite
Oh god, conferences. I have one in Boston and one in New Orleans coming up very soon. It's going to be hard being around all those people getting **** faced. I am a speaker at both conferences, so I have an excuse not to drink, but it'll still be tough not to feel like I'm missing out.
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