greenturtle

I am on Day two. This is probably my 40 or 50th day two. But this will be my last day two. I cannot continue drinking when it does nothing but make my life worse. I've tried controlling it which of course never works. I am so tired of dealing with the shame and embarrasement that comes with my binge drinking. I do well all week and then Friday arrives and I become this crazed boozy weekend warrior. My relationship with my husband and son are affected when I can't function the next day. Yesterday, I slept until 1 in the afternoon something I haven't done since college (I'm mid 30s). My son (8 yo) said matter of factly, gee mom, you missed lunch. Ughhh I felt so bad. I also felt bad cause I got sick in bed and so had to clean everything yesterday and my husband was forced to sleep in the guest bedroom because of it. He doesn't say anything anymore. He's heard me say I'm quitting dozens of times and then relapse so I think he's just too scared to believe I will actually succeed this time. I don't want to tell him I'm quitting again because I know I will see that look in his face, you know the one where they take it in and yet don't believe it will happen.

I'm thinking of doing the AVRT program. I like how it takes drinking off the table immediately. I never got the "one day at a time" thing. I always thought that left the door open for me to drink one day. I need strength and support and look forward to staying on these boards.

Thanks.

KateL

Congrats on 2 days xxxxx

1meropet1

its tough i have been there with many day 2's...today is day 1 againso i am going to give it hell and get my life back without alcohol which is going to be tough....I quit for a year and a half and relapsed about 2 years ago, its been hell ever since... Hang in there it will happen, as i know it will for me...

freshstart57

HI GreenTurtle. I can't tell you that AVRT is magic, but it can give you a new way of looking at yourself and your relationship with alcohol and the urge to drink.

Sober Recovery has a forum for AVRT and other secular empowering approaches to sobriety like LifeRing, SMART, SOS and others that put the onus squarely on you. Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information. Look for threads with AVRT, Rational Recovery, or Big Plan in the title.

You can go to the Rational Recovery website and look at the crash course, let that sink in for a bit, then start asking questions as you get them. Lots of support for you here!

PhaseTwo

You can do it. Yes that urge to drink on the weekend is just your addiction speaking. The real you wants to quit forever.

greenturtle

Thanks all. Like your "name" PhaseTwo...that's how I am feeling about my life right now.

waynetheking

You know green, the fact about alcoholism is that it only gets worse. Never better. Sounds like you hit bottom this time. No matter what method you use to help yourself quit, just don't drink. And for me I pray a lot. We're here for ya. Life will get better and it gets easier as time passes. Hang in there!

HeadLump

Hi, greenturtle. When I said I was quitting drinking 14 months ago, my husband just shrugged. He wanted me to give up but knew how quickly I always responded to the call of the Chardonnay. Even a month in, he was wary and reluctant to praise me in case it all fell apart.

There are many wonderful things about sobriety, but one important one for me is the pride I now see on my husband's face. It took a long time but I finally convinced us both and he has responded in the warmest and most loving ways.

Stick with it, greenturtle. It is so, so worth it

PurpleKnight

Great Job on Day 2!!

Treerat66

Welcome to SR, greenturtle.
Plan something for Friday that keeps you busy and away from the booze.

greenturtle

Thanks HeadL your story really helps put things in perspective.

30yrdrunk

GT,

I was also binge drinker and have now gone 109 days without drinking. A couple of books that I found very helpful were Kick the Drink Easily by Jason Vale and the AA big book. I have also learned a lot reading SR. The wisdom of those who have significant recovery time is invaluable.

The first 30-45 days were the most difficult. I was obsessing about drinking daily. At this point, I really don't think about it too much. It is such a relief to know you'll always be responsible and in control. No more hangovers. The joys of drinking are really an illusion. In reality, it robs you of your senses. Drinking wasn't fun anymore. I was sick of trying to control it. I was depressed and filled with regret. Drinking is literally like being in prison; the great part is that you hold the key and all you need to do is stop.

Best wishes.

TC

RaiseAnchor

Welcome, greenturtle.

I believe you are making a very good decision in abstaining from alcohol, and SR is a great place. I too binge drank, and weekends were my biggest trigger as well. Notably I found this site helpful to simply just read through others stories, thoughts, and opinions when I came to crucial thoughts about drinking in early sobriety. Obviously, I still do read it.

We each face our own individual challenges when taking a step into sobriety. I don't think I've met anyone who would admit that it is an easy thing to do. It is easier to drown out our emotions rather than face them with a clear head. I can tell you though, that my own worldview and habits seemed to improve positively and naturally as I stayed strong about staying sober.

Again, welcome.

mick3580

One day at a time is not an aa thing; it's a treatment center thing that has found its way into aa. It's bull. I made the decision to quit forever and then went to aa. Haven't had to drink.