Anoronha

Today at work I told this coworker in a nice way I need you to finish your job before you leave. She told me I understand you are stressed but you need to stop being bossy. I will finish what I can and leave. Well we both got short with each other. I told her she needed to do her job. She left and one of the store managers came by and asked if I was by myself I said no I didn't know where Stacy was well. 2 minutes later my manager shows up and asks where Stacy is. I told Him that she was upset with me and what I had done. He said I had every right I had to do what I did. He would find Stacy and talk to her. Well she was gone for 20 minutes when she came back she worked hard and finished her job. My part was I shouldn't have told my manager what happened I was trying to manipulate the situation to get out on time. I work 40 hours a week and have to be out on time can't go over hours I get written up. Had she not worked hard I would have not got out on time. I don't feel good about myself right now my motives were selfish. Stacy is pissed at me and won't talk to me. She gave her two weeks notice and next week is her last week I close with her 3 times next week I want to genuinely get along with her but I don't want her to walk all over me. I owe an amends I know. I need to talk to my sponsor about this. Right now I feel ****** about myself.

GracieLou

I don't know if that was manipulation. It was not like you went behind her back and said things to the manager in secret to get your way or to twist the story to get what you wanted.

selfishness, perhaps.

I think it takes us time to learn how to handle situations when others are involved. I can be real serene alone but when it comes to dealing with others, especially at work, I find my old habits and the old way of looking at things sneaks back in.

I think the important part is to see it and then learn from it.

A better way may have been to just take her aside and say, "I can't get extra hours because I will get in trouble. Can you help me get the tasks done faster? I would really appreciate it. Thanks!"

I know that sounds so easy but it is not. I have a tendency to want what I want and it is usually after the fact that I realize I could have handled a situation better.

Apologize for it and move on. Lesson learned.

I feel much better today because I am willing to learn a lesson rather than pushing it to the side and justifying my actions as I did in the past.

Don't beat yourself up to bad, progress not perfection.

Threshold

I don't think it is manipulation to ask for someone to do the job they were hired to do. Nor to be honest with your manager by answering the question they asked.

Nor to want to get out of work on time, and do what is appropriate in order for that to happen.

Stacy can be as PO'd as she feels is necessary. She is PO'd because she is actually expected to do what SHE contracted to do with her employer? You have nothing to do with that. You do your job, you fulfill your commitment, you work the hours you are scheduled, and you have every right to assume that others will do likewise.

Her own choices put her in the position she is in. Not your choices. She isn't doing her job. you are not paid to cover for her, do her job for her, or stay overtime because she doesn't pull her weight.

SHE was the one trying to manipulate the situation, by trying to make you feel guilty for wanting to fulfill your responsibility to your employer and yourself. SHE dropped the ball in some attempt to punish you and now she is not talking to you to make you feel like a big bad meanie. YOU are not responsible for her choices or behavior, though she is trying to convince you you are.

I dont' know the particular language you used etc, but I don't see where you own her an amends for pointing out that she needs to do her job. Because yeah, she needs to do her job. It's not your fault she doesn't want to, nor is it your responsibility to pick up the slack for her.

I think it would have been wrong for you to NOT tell the manager when they asked where an employee was. It would be wrong for you to lie to cover the behavior of an employee who is cheating the company by not doing their work.

Gal220

I agree with everyone else. It's not manipulative to do your job. If you were rude about it, you could apologize for that if you feel like that's the right thing. But it sounds like you did what you were supposed to do with your manager.

It's great that she turned it around and did her job in the end. If she continues to do that, your part would be to let the grudge go and acknowledge she's improving and find a way to work together.

That's life!

Sudz No More

You owe nothing to her. If her work pace was affecting your job you have very right to protect yourself in this situation. It would have made you late which would have impacted you negatively. If she can't do the job then maybe it is the wrong job for her.

Don't ever feel bad for standing up for yourself, if you don't no one will.

Sanantoniosober

I too don't see the manipulation. You both need to get a job done in a set amount of time. If she doesn't do hers you are within your rights to explain to your boss that you couldn't get your work done on time because you were doing hers. All about cover your ass.

Longpasttime

Knowing nothing about it, it does not sound like manipulation at all to me. If you had been trying to get her to do your job..and you didnt run and tell on her, which i dont think would have been wrong anyway, you answered a question from a supervisor honestly. I highly doubt that is the entire reason she is quitting, she is likely fighting a battle of some sort you know nothing about. Talking to your sponsor about it sounds like an excellent idea and if you want to apologize/try to make it right with her, great, but don't be attached to the results as she may not respond how you would like. Good luck!!

karate

Stand up for yourself ,while being respectful to the other person .

Quit sweating the small stuff .


Im just going to be brutally honest here -no malice intended .

YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON ,PLEASE STOP BEATING YOUR SELF UP !

tomsteve

to me it doesn't read like you were manipulating. it reads like you decided yer not gonna be a doormat.
im not seein why you owe an amends for standing up for yourself.
"Stacy is pissed at me and won't talk to me."
seems to me it was her owns actions that caused it.

throw out the arse kikin machine. ya stood up for yourself and that's progress.

karate

Rule number 1 ,be good to yourself .