Calcified

I have no time to quit drinking.
If I quit drinking I'll lose my job.
If I lose my job I can't pay rent.
If I can't pay my rent my girlfriend will be upset and her life will be harder and everything becomes too complicated. I have nowhere to go.

I'm dizzy right now, on the verge of passing out. And it never goes away.
But it takes away my headache I've had for 4 years straight now.
But then this is what I live with.
But if I stop I'll be living with the same problem, I'll just never have any moments that I feel good, ever.

And if I keep going, my body will give out.
I'm already shaking and my thoughts don't make any sense.
I have no confidence or motivation.
I've been ignoring everyone in my life.

Everything is so messed up right now. I've tried not drinking for months, and it's even worse than it is now. What do I do?

Calcified

I've tried not drinking. I've been to many doctors. Been prescribed a bunch of drugs to cease my migraines but nothing has helped yet. They all have just made it worse on a daily basis, except for valium. I'm still going to doctors. I think they're anxiety related tension headaches. I've always been an anxious person, and I smoked K2 (a synthetic cannabinoid) when I had a friend on Drug Court which created this headache 4 years ago (after a really intensely bad trip on this drug). My entire body is a mess of overly tense muscles. My eye is always twitching. I can feel and see it all day long.
My facial muscles move like rippling water if you stare at them close enough.

Please. Someone.

doggonecarl

Well, you pretty much declared that you won't quit drinking and the reasons why.

You are well aware you need to quit and you can't do it own your own. I'm not sure why you think you will lose your job if you quit drinking, but if you don't quit, you are just as likely to lose it, because who wants a drunk on the job?

I think you need medical detox, followed by a long stretch of sobriety before you can expect to see a sudden turnaround in your situation. But it can be done. If you drop the fear.

ScottFromWI

I would agree with Carl that some kind of supervised Detox may be the best thing for you right now Calcified. You will most likely lose your job and your ability to function if you keep drinking anyway, so you might as well give yourself a fighting chance. Drinking won't allow that to happen.

Calcified

I want to quit drinking, yes. But if I do, the withdrawals combined with the tension migraines I already have is the most excruciating pain imaginable. And I don't even know if that's what they are, after all this time. That's just based on my own research. Doctors are so busy, they just hand me a non-lethal drug and send me on my way. I can't just get this thing resolved no matter how hard I try.

I've snapped bones and had them jutting out of my arm and it's nothing compared to how I feel all of the time, alcohol or not. So why not make every day less painful if it's going to end up the same anyways?

One could argue that drinking alcohol on the job makes you drunk on the job, because it does. But I have no alternative. I have to talk to people and be social and not sit in a corner, hunched up in a ball, tearing out my hair when I know good and well nothing externally is happening to me.

Is anything I'm typing even making any sense?

ScottFromWI

One thing that stands out above is that you don't even know what the cause of the headaches are. In all likelihood it could actuallly be the alcohol causing them. But until you seek care you will never know.

Again, i'd recommend a supervised detox and a thorough examination by a doctor that has time - you can and will be able to get an appointment if you try.

Notimetoloose

Hey Calcified and welcome, it's great that you found your way here. I am so sorry about the headaches and can understand your distress.

The drinking is no good and it take will away everything you are trying to keep together.

I don't know what you got going on with the headaches but they sound serious and as you stated they started with synthetic pot. I have seen someone totally freak out with that stuff and be messed up for weeks because of it.
Keep chasing up the docs and specialists for tests and answers...No one can give medical advice here...it is interesting that the valium helps!...Have you seen the neurologists and had EEGs and scan at the same time that the twitching is happening?...

doggonecarl

Your desperation is coming across loud and clear. And I'm sorry for your suffering. But I am not sure what it is you are hoping we'll say. You have one solution, alcohol, that you are clinging to like a rescue buoy. But it's really not a buoy. It's a anchor. And it's dragging you down.

Dee74

I was like that too - I really believed I needed to drink to function.
Turns out I lost my job anyway....

Go see a Dr and ask for help Calcified, before you start losing stuff, be it career wise relationship wise or health wise.

D

KateL

Welcome Calcified xx

Thepatman

I almost can feel your pain reading your post.

You had some great input. Taking out Alcohol out of the equation is the most logical path.

I also understand that your addiction is what is causing the catch 22 scenarios your mention. Try to see beyond, use your logic and eliminate the root cause.

Take care friend