Mountainmanbob

Not impressed with my 1st Alanon meeting!
Posted on 08/15/12, 09:31 pm
I went to my very first Alanon meeting today. Let me tell you, if I base my opinion of the program solely upon today's experience, I would never go back! I was so disgusted, that I left before it was even over. The meeting that I attended, because it worked well with my employment and kids' schedules, was a bunch of complaining ladies...just complaining about their spouses and boyfriends. I realize completely that the group is for talking, sorting things out, getting advice, etc. BUT...my major hesitation for attending was exactly what happened at today's meeting. I did not attend to listen to people bad mouth their significant others. I did not attend to listen to a room full of women telling others to leave their spouses and boyfriends. That's exactly the opposite of what I've heard happens, opposite of what I've heard the group is about. I need support to pull myself back up again, to get on my own feet, to work through the pain and hurt brought on by my husband's addiction, to overcome my co-dependence.

That all said, man...lesson learned! More research needs to go into finding a better group! I spoke to another woman who attends meetings and she said that she tried that meeting...and that she couldn't handle it.

Sorry...just need to vent. I finally worked up the courage to attend a meeting, and it went haywire. Certainly not what I expected! I intend to find another meeting to try...but it may take a while again for me to work up the courage!

caboblanco

i was an alononer before i was an alononee...or whatever.....yeah it's a place to complain about drunk people with pseudo alcoholism theories..you're not the only one who had that experience

CAPTAINZING2000

Hope you can find another meeting where they share their ESH and not their whine

IOAA2

It's interesting that my experience at Al Anon meetings were not like yours. In fact I liked them a lot because they were mostly focused on recovery as opposed to "drunkalogs." I'll say that over the years I've only been to about 50 meetings within 15 miles. Perhaps after the meeting on a one to one basis your experience was discussed. Then again at meetings an AA member might mention the help "that black belt group" gave to their family when they were in need and he was still drinking.

BE WELL

caboblanco

there are way better meetings then the one that was closest to me...i did find a contrast

yeahgr8

Yes my daughter had the same experience, fair enough I suppose.

caboblanco

is there separate meetings for adult children of alcoholic as opposed to alonon?

Threshold

Chronic issue with all 12 step or any other support group meeting, the tendency to focus on the problem other than the solution. A good meeting moderator or format can help with this.

There are meetings, and then there are recovery meetings!

I hope the OP found the resources they needed before they gave up.

yeahgr8

Yes ACOA

World Meeting List

I got their version of the Big Book it's very eye opening indeed, well worth following up:-)

matt4x4

Yeah some meetings tend to be that way these days. Even in AA. Just whine, moan and complain about a divorce, or work, or whatever. Not all meetings are like that, I know. Some are worse then others. Thats the way it is these days with the way meetings are run. Thats exactly why most people come in to the program, the stay awhile, get better, healthier, think oh my all I have to do is talk about my day. Then sooner rather then later they are drunk again, banging on the bar. Stick to the solution as outlined. Certain meetings are just dumping grounds for personal problems, which the rooms were never meant for. The founding members realized this early on, wrote the Big Book to keep the program in tact, so it wouldnt change, to keep the 75% recovery rate alive. Rather then the very low rate we have today in the rooms. Its a very sad dillema, but its happening. Sometimes when certain people share in the rooms, they are still talking about their divorce from years ago. Its sad really.