MaxxPower

Hello SR folk,

I'm not looking for anyone here to say, ''that's a great idea!" or anything like that - i'm just letting you know my current AV thoughts. Need support.

The statistics for an alcoholic relapsing(within one month) after their first try at sobriety is extremely high. Right?

My AV is trying to tell me that i'm ''different'' or ''stronger'' than other alcoholics. Since I have quit for 6+ months, this being my 1st attempt at sobriety, i'm one tough man.

The AV is taking a different approach it seems. I don't even want to try the ''moderate drinking'' 1-2 drinks blah blah..because I would fail horribly.

Thinking I can get away with getting smashed only on special occasions. Weddings,new year's, watching live NHL games, that kinda stuff.

Most people would think(statistically - on paper) that I'd have relapsed already.

I haven't. So who's to say I cant pull that off..

This kinda thinking really scares me

Cant believe after escaping the dark side of drinking - i'm toying with these kinda thoughts

Let me know how ridiculous these potentially deadly thoughts are..

My AV is on full force..

Be well..

Dee74

I hate to disillusion your AV but the 'occasional blowout' system been well and truly road tested before...by me and probably a million others.

I think I've mentioned before I went out for one night of partying and didn't stop drinking again until over two years later.

Some people never make it back into recovery.

You only have to look at this weeks papers to see that in a very high profile Hollywood actor kind of way.

Tell that AV to sod off...and stop thinking about statistics Maxx.

The only statistic that really counts worth a damn is your 100 % continued commitment to sobriety and recovery

FeelingGreat

Hi Maxx there was a thread a few months ago about what posters' AVs were saying to them which was funny and enlightening at the same time.
One poster was watching a movie where two people met in an airport bar and went on to have an affair. Her AV told her she would never meet a man because she couldn't go into airport bars.
Mine comes up with all sorts of strange logic, mainly along the lines of how civilised it is to have an elegant glass of chilled wine on a warm day. How relaxing and reasonable. It's good to be able to recognise AV for what it is, a primitive attempt by the body to satisfy a craving.
Play the tape right though to the end and remember why you quit in the first place, then find something to distract yourself.

Notimetoloose

Hang in there, Tell your AV it is a thief and to get lost.
Your AV is no different to mine, They are liars.

I have read that the Av starts to get desparate at milestones and the firsts, the 3 mth, then the 6mth, the 12mth then the 18mth marks. Don't get sucked in.

This is your year of firsts, your first Xmas, birthdays. As well as everything and anything that you would do associated with alcohol. This year you are breaking the link for the first time.
6 months is fabulous.
There are no answers or joy in the bottom of those glasses or bottles. You know it, now just tell your AV you are running the show now.

Weaver

Unfortunately mine has been telling me the same thing. I know it can't happen, but the "voice" has been there nonetheless.

Good thread OP

silentrun

I had something like that happen recently. I hadn't had any real cravings in along time. Then into my head popped "see you can quit when you want to go ahead and get drunk once in awhile". Not have one or two but get drunk just not too often. This is my first attempt as well. It's not proof we don't have a problem it's just the best case scenario. The scenario I was sure I would not be able to pull off when I first quit. I had a nightmare that night about a possessed woman in an empty house so that has taken care of it for now.

freshstart57

This is really pretty easy to deal with. You say it's AV, and you're right, it most certainly is. Aaaaaaand, you're done. Nothing to see here, folks, time to move along.

Now get on with doing something.

doggonecarl

A chain is as strong as its weakest link. An alcoholic is as strong as his weakest thought.

My mindset at 6 months was the same as yours. After thirty-five years of daily drinking, the idea of drinking once every six months sounded rational. I was ready to dismiss my vow to never drink and justify twice a year as a "good enough" sobriety plan.

Craziness.

I didn't drink. And I haven't been plagued by such insanity since.

RobbyRobot

Hey Maxx, I think you said it best yourself when it comes down to getting smashed again. Congrats on your six months. Keep it going.

ScottFromWI

Lets say you were actually able to pull off what your AV suggests, and only get smashed a limited number if times a year/month. Best case scenario, you are a drunk fool a few times a year/month. And all the shame, hangovers, guilt, etc that comes along with those binges.

But the high probability is that you return to daily drinking. As much as your AV would like you to believe you won't the stark reality is that you will.

thatcat

I listened to my AV after a couple of really good lengths of sobriety. The first, after two great years sober, I thought I'd learned enough and was stronger... so I bought a tiny airplane-portion bottle of rum and a can of coke - figured I'd treat myself one night before bed. Ohhhhh, it was sooooo good! I loved the feeling (don't we all) and figured I'd do it again in a few days .. you know, just to treat myself again, since I'd obviously passed the one-drink-before-bed test ... I can do it now - I'm cured!

Yeah. Fast-forward a few weeks, and that one drink before bed that felt so great, that I was so in control of, had me right back at all-day-every-day drinking. A couple of months later and I got my first dui (after drinking constantly for 25+ years, my first dui came after two years sober - ugh). I blamed it on ignorance - "just had a couple, thought I was OK.". That was a lie, of course .. I was functioning fine, but plastered.

So on with sobriety again (withdrawal was horrid). One full year this time. Paid my fines, took the driver's course, bussed everywhere, and I felt great. I got my license back and figured I'd "grown" this time. I will celebrate - I earned it and learned my lesson. No rum this time! No! Baileys instead, in my evening coffee - that's safe right? This was mid-November. By December I was taking drinks to work - back to drinking rum and back to all day, every day. About a week before Christmas, my oldest caught me (smelled it on me) and I was "outed"..... This time, I opened up to family and my doctor and it has helped immensely to not feel so alone. (Withdrawal was even worse than last time.)

My AV's ideas seemed innocent enough .... AVs are sneaky evil b@stards and can justify anything. I know now that no matter how "justified" it all sounds, or how much I want to be normal, it's not, and I'm not. I have to trust in my knowledge and never, ever trust my AV.

MrTumble

I think our AV's must be twins separated at birth.

Climber122

"It's the FIRST drink that gets us drunk." -- I know for me there is no moderating. I used to think I controlled my drinking because I could go a week or so without drinking if I really tried hard. But it only got better for me when I got sober, completely abstained from drinking and worked a program of recovery to allow a change in the inner me in which the obsession to "not drink" was lifted.

Gal220

You know it's your AV and that it's not telling you the truth. Like everyone has said, one binge will not likely stay an isolated incident. You know that from your past experience. But what if it did? Would it be worth it? If you could go on one binge (or one every six months, or whatever), and NOT devolve into your previous drinking pattern, would you be "ok"?

No. One drunken night can result in blackouts, torn relationships, damaged property, jail, injury, illness, or death of yourself or someone else. It only takes one.

MaxxPower

Thank you all for putting aside some of your time to help me out. Its truly means allot to me. I need to hear these replies because when my AV is bugging me all day long in my head, I start to believe..

Recovery is tough! my goodness..

MaxxPower

Hey RobbyRobot, Thanks for the reminder. Thinking back on that day seems like its happened soooooo long ago - almost like it was a horrible dream or something. Not quite sure if that day has sunk in fully for me..I don't like to think about it.

Things fell apart so quickly. The end days of my drinking days seems like a haze. Don't remember much. Truly out of control.

Embarrassing..

courage2

Maxx, I did what you've been thinking about after 1 year and 24 days of staying sober. I went on a 36 hour binge. It started out insane and ended up sad and scary. And the worst of it was, that it TOTALLY re-energized my AV so that the urge to have "just one" was screaming at me every waking minute. Within 3 weeks I was drinking from a bottle at work again.

If you give your alcoholism anything to feed on, it will want all you are & all you have. Stick to the road that those with longterm sobriety show you. Please.

MaxxPower

Thanks for the input Courage, what have been your steps in recovery?

Another disgusting thought I have had is..

Because I have alcohol induced Pancreatitis - Ill never get to that point ever again.(alcohol dependant) Ill control myself getting wasted periodically throughout a year because I don't want another attack.

How friggin stupid is that!

unbelievable..

JackieC

Another thing I try to remember when my mean ol AV is firing up is this: Even with all the horrible stuff that happened from my drinking, there were still lots of horrific awful things that didn't happen -- often just by sheer luck or the grace of God or some other force at play in the universe that smiled down on me or just plain had mercy. Whatever the case, I got off lucky in the whole scheme of things. So why tempt that fate? And if it was God or fate or forces at play in the universe that helped me out that way and I turned to them, gave them the finger by believing my AV and acting on that -- who knows if I would be lucky enough that time to avoid the horrific things I'd missed out on when I drank in the past?

Hang in there. Six+ months is amazing. An inspiration to me at 48 days.

nicole100

This post has been super helpful tonight. So much insight in this thread. reminds me of why I read these posts in the first place....because I need to hear this every single day.

Thank you for the reminder.