MattyBoy

Okay so I have a friend whom I have known for many many years. Nearly all my life. He's a family friend and although we've had our ups and downs, our relationship has been stable the last few years. We used to drink and get drunk together , during which times we would often get in to fights but usually excuse each other's behaviour on the basis we were both hammered.

Anyway, the problem is, although I get on well with the guy, since I've stopped drinking I've found being around him very uncomfortable for two reasons: the first, he is obsessed with alcohol - not necessarily in an alcoholic way mind, but he just goes on and on about different types of beer and the fact someone brought him a bottle of whiskey for Christmas and he does this even though he knows I don't drink and probably won't be at all interested in hearing this. Secondly, he insists on meeting pubs. Now I don't have a problem in pubs as far as temptation goes but it just goes hand in hand with his obsession about alcohol which I find uncomfortable. When he was very hammered on one occasion and he asked why I don't drink I told him because I had a bad drinking problem and needed to stop. Of course him being hammered meant he didn't remember this the ne xt day and he still believes I don't drink because I am just a health freak. He basically doesn't acknowledge that anything bad can happen from alcohol and so my problems with it are all my own making.

I'm getting a bit fed up of this guy, but he really does have a caring side to him and when the alcohol is removed , we get on like a house on fire. But the alcohol just dominates the atmosphere when I'm with him as he's always drinking in front of me, talking about beer, in a pub etc etc. he's a family friend so will be difficult to avoid him entirely but I'm thinking of just cutting him loose. Changing my circle of friends completely to suit my sober lifestyle. Any thoughts . Did you guys have to change your SoCal circle in sobriety ? Thanks in advance. Peace x

coraltint

Have you tried telling him when he's sober how he acts & how it makes you feel when he's wasted? As you said....he doesn't remember too well what goes down when he's rolling.

I was fortunate in that most of my drinking buddies were happy for me when they could see that my life got better when I stopped. There was one though, a bartender I used to work with. I went to his bar with a group of friends while he was working & he set a shot down in front of me & laughed at me. I knew I had to cut that one.

Good question....have a chat with your homey when he's sober, give him a chance to change his behavior. You'll know.

tomsteve

"have a chat with your homey when he's sober, give him a chance to change his behavior"

good suggestion.

girlsearching

I'm with the others. I would talk to him sober and try to make him understand why you needed to stop and see if he "get's it". You may just have to limit the amount of time you spend with him. But I would give him a chance and I would let him know that he could limit the amount of talk/thoughts he shares with you about his beverages. You really don't care and if you are honest you will be doing both of you a favor. Maybe some of it will slowly sink in. Good luck.

Music

So, what's wrong with being a health freak?? Let him believe what he wants to believe. If he's alcoholic, he could be in denial about his drinking or, he may never understand your reasons and really doesn't have to. If hanging with him bothers you, don't do it!

TigerLili

I've done a 'slow fade' on a few people for various reasons. Someone whose life and conversation is centered around alcohol is someone I personally would need to avoid. I would start being less available and less responsive to his requests to get together. Saying "I can't hang out with you because you drink too much and it's a)boring and b)a threat to my sobriety" opens the door to too much drama even if it's true.

He can insist on meeting in pubs until he is blue in the face but you don't have to agree to do so. Decide what your boundaries are with this friendship, if you decide to keep it, and stand by them.

Mountainmanbob

if this guy can't occasionally meet you in a regular place
that does not serve booze
and go just a little while without a drink
he may be alcoholic ??

have noticed since I got sober
it get's harder and harder to hang out with the true drunks

normies are ok -- more than fine to hang out with
as they drink their one drink and don't constantly talk about booze

usually -- only an alcoholic spends their time
thinking about and talking about their spirit drink

Mountainman