Sudz No More

I work for a large national company and the top bosses get moved around the nation a lot. I wasn't a big fan of my last boss as he was very stiff, boring and could sometimes have a bad attitude. So I was happy when I found out he was moving and I was getting a different person.

This new guy is nice and down to earth but there is a scary part to him that is all too familiar. He smokes like a chimney and stops for drinks every night. He talks to my other office associate about hitting the casino with her on the weekends and I am afraid he will ask me to bar hop with him sometime. I am not sure what I will say if he should ever ask. I feel strong in my sobriety but I have never been tested like that. It would be nice to be able to bond with him as I am sure it couldn't hurt my work relationship with him but I know that I can't. Going to a bar with him and not drinking would be worse than not going I think so I just would say no thanks. But I dread the day that I have to turn him down.

He has already asked where the good watering holes are around town and I of course told him in detail since I am obviously in the know on the subject. I am guessing I will just tell him I don't drink if he asks me if I want to go some night. I don't want to lie and make up an excuse because he is real smart and sharp so I think he will know I am giving him BS. That would be worse than the truth because then even work trust could be called into question in his mind.

On a positive note, he is showing me everything, I mean everything. All the secrets that the last guy protected like it was job security this new guy is open with. When he is gone I will be able to run the place by myself because I will know everything. I already can close the place by myself but the old boss would never show me how to do the reports. This new guy is showing me every aspect as he said all three of us office personnel should be able to do everything.

So I just need to keep my wits about myself and be down to earth with him when the inevitable question comes up. "Hey, you wanna stop for a beer on the way home?"

Tamerua

Suggest coffee instead. At work everyone knows that I quit drinking, though no one knows the details behind it. All of management stopped giving each other booze for the holidays and started to give fancy schmancy coffee or tea now.

Hollyanne

If I was going to be going on the batter with the associates, I would want to train in people too so I don't get the blame when everything goes t7ts up.
Consider it a management style.
When he asks, you just say, "I quit".
Amazing how that actually is sufficient.

Sudz No More

LOL, too true Holly and I suspect you may be at least partly right. I think he believes the more we know, the less he has to do That said, he really does have a good head on his shoulders and I don't read him to be the type of guy that is going to be a push over. I get the sense that he just wants a good team. I like the idea of just saying "I quit". I have actually used this already a few times and it worked simply and efficiently.

TigerLili

"How about lunch? I'm not a bar person."

Cascabel

You might want to casually but proactively tell him that you are a recovering drinker: if an opportunity presents itself. That would most likely head off any drinking invitations and would possibly increase his respect for you as well.

karate

You could say , I have a health issue I can't drink with .?

Ethos23

I relapsed several times last year, and when I really examined the reason it was because I wasn't completely upfront about my sobriety. In situations where people wanted to get drinks, I would tell them "I'm not drinking tonight," as opposed to "I don't drink."

That sounds like a trivial thing, but saying "I'm not drinking tonight" actually reinforced to myself that I haven't quit for good, that I will still drink from time-to-time, even though I didn't want to. That is what happened too. Maybe I wouldn't drink at dinner or whatever event, but I would on a later occasion.

What I'm getting at is that it is probably better to be on the same plane the entire time. Boss asks you to go drink, you say you don't drink, period. Easier said than done. I'm already anxious about future events where I have to say those words. I'm anxious, but I will say them. I'm not going through another bender/binge like I did at the end of last year. Im not putting myself or my family through that again. You can cite plenty of reasons that you don't drink. I am always terrified that people will (rightly) assume, "gee, he must be an alcoholic." Quite the contrary, however, you can cite other reasons (i.e., medication, high blood pressure, etc.). That is also if the person even pushes the poin to ask why.

DoPerdition

I've told people that I am trying to get into shape or on a strict diet plan. It's sort of true because I'm still working on the baby weight but it also ends the questions right then and there.

Some people get the full story but my sobriety is my own and I don't have to explain anything I don't want to.

I've also found a simple "I don't drink" is not usually met with follow up questions.

karate

If the boss is as cool as you say , just have a coke with him .

If he is drinking , he won't notice you are not , after he has a few .

An old trick a fellow told me was to get the drinks at the bar ,
Have yours straight coke , have the clients regular.

Ruby2

I sometimes feel left out if co workers go out for drinks but I know that isn't a good idea for me. I have the convenient excuse that I have to pick up my children from the sitter and put the blame on her. If asked directly if I drink, as I was twice recently I say that I don't drink with no further information. No one asks further. I don't get preachy or defensive, just straightforward. I'd suggest coffee or lunch. No casinos or bars.