Turninganewleaf

So in a few days will mark the 6 week sobriety mark. The thing is I feel like a complete loser. My part time job is not enough to live on my own. I live with my parents and in my mid 30's. I have ruined my life in every way possible and often think why bother staying sober? I attend AA 3x a week and am having trouble trusting others in program. To put it bluntly, I think some folks in AA are still lying. I had 16 months of sobriety at one point and, you know what, the world didn't stop spinning. I still wasn't able to obtain a career or meet a significant other. I want to stay sober this time because I want material things. I want a condo, decent car, bank account and normal things.

Dee74

I lived with my parents in my30s too - but I turned things around just before 40.
I have no doubt you can do it too.

I love my life now, and I love who I am, but I needed to let go of alcohol to do that.
Then I rebuilt my life.

I have no reason to lie to you at all, turning - getting sober was the best thing I ever did for myself

The beginning days and weeks were tough, sure - but so were my drinking days.

You have 6 weeks - I was still struggling with not drinking then. This is not your new life - this is the transition phase. It's very important to realise that

Nothings worth going back to that drinking life man - recovery wins hands down - you'll just have to trust me on that

Keep moving forward - you're doing the right thing

D

Leana

I guess my question to you is...so what are you doing to increase the chances that you'll be able to afford material things?

Sobriety allows you to pursue your dreams it doesn't make them appear magically. So what's your plan?

30yrdrunk

TNL,

Try not to get down on yourself. It takes courage to address a drinking problem. You should be proud. Keep believing in yourself and good things will come your way.

TC

foolsgold66

Some folks everywhere are still lying. So, what are you doing to change your life?

doggonecarl

Six weeks sober is great.

The more your drinking screwed up your life, the longer it takes to repair. You aren't where you want to be, but it sounds like you are where you were with drinking.

That's moving forward in my book.

Turninganewleaf

Thank you everyone. The truth is I can stay sober for a few months fairly easily. It's usually between 6-12 months I struggle with facing the reality of how much damage I have done to myself.

Dee74

but going back to drinking only makes that damage worse...

The way I look at it my sobriety is another chance to do right - a do over - not only for my health but in terms of what I do with my life.

The more 'good' I try to do - the less the bad I did to myself seems to matter turning?

D

Turninganewleaf

I believe there has to be more to life than getting drunk or high. There just has to be. I feel spiritually dead and am thinking of going back to church service. I am not afraid to die from addiction. I have been at deaths door a few times. I am afraid I will continue to live this miserably life for many years.

EndGameNYC

Sounds as though you feel you have no say in how this goes, one way or another.

RobbyRobot

Your right of course, there is more to life. I can relate to fears of living a miserable life. Scary times. The thing is though, just like is already being suggested in this thread, you can make choices which will make differences in the quality of your life since quitting. You know, although its important for us to remember where we have been, and remember the damage done - sometimes we can become so detailed and involved in our past experiences we don't fully engage in our present day to day efforts and successes. This can result in feeling beaten up and unimportant even to ourselves.

Despair is not something any of us can long endure without losing some quality of faith in ourselves and even in life in general. I don't know all your circumstances but I haven't heard you speak yet on anything that can prevent you from being awesomely successful and happy in yourself and in staying sober.

I think not being afraid of death is in some ways unworkable. Its one thing to not be afraid in times of extreme danger, in times when bravery and courage win the day, but even then a healthy fear of dying is just that: healthy.

It is not pre-determined for any of us that our lives have to suck. There are so many ways forward to a successful lifestyle it really is a great time to be alive in this information age!

I hope you can see how this can all be turned around. You've got a great opportunity to be all that you can be starting with where you're already at in your journey.

Take it easy.

Tetra

Your thread reminds me of me. I too am 33 and still live with my parents.

At 6 weeks you are newly sober and I think it's fine to not feel fantastic at this stage. I too wanted to run before I could walk so to speak.

I find my life works best by not thinking too far ahead. I wake up in the morning and I ask myself "what can I do today that will bring me closer to where I want to be?" Even if it is something small like going for a run, checking my CV, applying for jobs, making dinner for my parents. I spent so long hiding myself and in isolation and I find trying to be helpful gives me a sense of purpose.

Willdoit

You should look at what you have 6 weeks sober, great .

You have parents, great you won't always have them.

Material stuff is just that, try to find a job you really enjoy money is not everything, drinking will only make things bad.

6 weeks is no time in your life, but is a long time sober.

Focus on what you have, think about what you want and you will gravitate to it.

Good luck

Turninganewleaf

I am frightened that I did long term damage from my alcohol and drug use. While alcohol was my main drug I also smoked cocaine and on occasion snorted heroin. I overdosed once and was actually dead for a minute or so in the ambulance.

Turninganewleaf

will, material stuff is what is probably keeping me sober at the moment. It is easy to say that money doesn't buy happiness but I've been on welfare, briefly homeless and deep in debt. Being flat broke is a trigger for me and I can always find ways to drink.

YoungAndClean

I know how you feel man. And facing it all sober is not easy, but if your an alcoholic/addict like me the right choice (not easy) should be obvious. There is no quick fix I've found, in sobriety things are different for a seemingly long time before they get better. But they do get better if you stick around, and it is possible to recover/change.

Turninganewleaf

I am starting to believe that my problem is spiritual in nature. In and out of rehabs, detox, jail and AA meetings for close to a decade. God has shown me what hell on Earth is like. I would say waiting for the liquor shop owner to open up at 8AM to drink is hell.

1newcreation

Make a gratitude list & say it @ least twice/day. I feel exactly where you are. I'm living w/ a friend & don't know for how long but @ least I'm not homeless, don't go to bed hungry, I'm not locked up, sober,can go to mtgs, can take hot shower etc
Got my sad moments too but overall I'm thankful

TigerLili

No one said staying sober would be easy or fun. It takes time for our minds and bodies to recalibrate to sobriety and six weeks is very early days. I would try to make the best use of this time where you are not working full time and live with your parents. How can you make yourself useful around the house and to your parents? Can you try other meetings you haven't been to?

You don't have to trust people in meetings to get sober. You need a sponsor and a big book. I'd get started on the steps with the person you distrust the least lol.

I keep people at meetings in arms length. I am not buddy buddy with them. I talk to them after meetings, sometimes go for coffee but I don't invite them round to my house or share many personal details. I am sure some people are lying about their sobriety and some people are just parroting things they hear other people say and have never cracked a big book or done a step. I am equally sure there are people who have strong sobriety and are entirely honest at meetings.

Maybe find a big book study group or a steps group, instead of just going to speaker meetings.