Lifewillgetbet

Well this has been a long journey aiming for perfection in my sobriety. I had 5+ months up to this past Saturday and completely let my guard Down drank and used drugs. Well o am filled with shame guilt and regrets. I guess I have realize that I dont know how to deal with my feelings and emotions as well as I thought. I was confident, by I was struck with the person I cared and trusted the most for being completely fake. Like I did everything for this person and thwy just walked all over me and used me.
Its over and done now. I have not continued using. It actually discusts me. It was not fun. It was not rewarding. I let down the people that care for me the most and now havena very fresh new sobriety date. I am a memeber at NA. And told them about everything. Of course the are supportive of me.And in am very greatful. i dont feel physically sick and that is nice. I guess what I want to say is i wish I had a handle on this more. I mean I have veen to countless treatment facilities and although I learned a lot, there is really no guarantee on.sobriety.
On a more positive note, I didnt die or get myself into any trouble. I am okay and today is a new fresh day to work on myself and my recovery. I slipped but I have got myself back up on my feet and am trucking ahead.
I am greatful for thos forum as it is a great place with people who understand. Well happy day 1 for me.

DoPerdition

Get right back up and dust yourself off.

Amazing how we discover that the people we thought were good when we were using often turn out to be users or abusers when the drunk/drug glasses come off isn't it? I'm so sorry that someone betrayed you but I urge against blaming someone else for a relapse. At least for me, that is the kind of "stinking thinking" that keeps me sick. It was when I took full responsibility for my life and realized I could have any kind of life I wanted, no matter what other people do or say that I began to really do the work to stay sober.

Welcome back on the wagon! You are already on the right track!

Lifewillgetbet

Thanks. I do not fully blame this other person. I actually blame myself. But wow did I feel horrible after it. It is just another learning experience I guess. I mean, the only thing I can do is keep strong and move forward. I am by far perfect in any aspects of my life. I forgot step #1.That is for sure. I am completely powerless and it does make my life unmanageable when I continue. But there will be no continuing.

Climber122

Keep working that step 1 my friend. If you're the perfectionist-type addict then you probably are like me and wanted to get through the steps quickly - do it better than the next person But step 1 is very important, and even when we understand the words, step 1 needs to be rock solid before moving on. Talk with your sponsor about it and see if there's anything left in you that denies you are an addict.

My hope for you is that this experience is just more "field research" to indicate your powerlessness. One day you will be able to share with another another addict in need that "yeah, I forgot step one and went out as a result." That's how our setbacks can be useful to others. Try and not beat yourself up - Recovery is a process and you are sorting it out with the help of NA, which is the right way to go about this. They have your back. What will be very good for you right now is to cut yourself some slack, take a deep breath and get back to working your program. Yesterday is history - today you have as much sobriety as everyone else who woke up sober this morning! God bless.