Raider

Why am not excited about sobriety? I feel nothing about it. Almost three weeks sober and I have no excitement whatsoever. I don't crave it, or even think about it. I don't think about hangovers, I haven't had one since October. I don't think about the bad or the good, it just ....well....it just is. In rehab, I had some feeling of excitement. Then quick five relapses and now no liquor. I don't even feel proud. I don't feel like I have specific triggers. Stress..just an excuse trigger. Things don't go my way...excuse trigger. Anger...excuse trigger. Missed my flight...excuse trigger. Fight with the family.....excuse trigger. It's all a big bag of BS excuses. I don't need an excuse, I would drink of I wanted to. Maybe this will pass....

I guess I don't really have a question.

Dee74

I think it would be a mistake to think you'll always feel this way Raider.

I felt 'blah' after I quit too, it was a huge upheaval of my system and my life...I think I was a little shellshocked.

With time, and working on myself, joy came back

What other things are you doing for yourself besides not drinking?

D

NoJimmy

I'm feeling that way about sobriety too. I guess I didn't expect to be excited yet, I suppose I expect things won't start really clicking until 3-6 months or so. Only based on what I read. I have other stuff I'm dealing with, but getting involved in my hobbies has been my best source of pleasure.

KateL

It will pass. It's just a difficult time of year and I hold my hat up to you, and the many others here who have survived Christmas intact. You all rock xxxx

tomsteve

good on ya for 3 weeks!
as a Christian, im sure oyu know what Gods word says about pride:
When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.
One's pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor.
Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.
For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends.
Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

that's just a little, so good on ya for no pride! humility is a wee bit better to have than pride.
also good for no triggers!


yes, this,too, shall pass. keep going to meetings, keep talking to your sponsor, keep praying, and work the steps.

Hawkeye13

Hi Raider;
It's great you've been able to come back from the relapses and stay sober.
The "flatness" is something that I deal with a lot. It got better over time but overall
my affect is somewhat less dramatic than when I drank and let it all hang out.

I think that's a good thing, but it does take some adjustment. Drinking
was when my feelings had my internal permission to flow and come out.
Doing that sober is work at times.

The other issue that may be affecting you is your spouse.
My spouse continues to drink and that has been a big drag on my sobriety
though I have been working on my attitude about that lately and it's getting better.

He complains I am no fun anymore, and he's right in that our hours of drunken talk and
watching movies together is no longer an option.
I'm tired early in the evening, when he's drinking I find he talks too much too fast for my sober self and
I get irritated and ignore him, which is unfair since nobody likes to be tuned out.

He's not aggressive or anything, just chatty and I'm really not so much now. More introspective.
I am thinking at some level abut my lifetime of alcohol. My mother drank, my father drank,
I drank. It has tainted everything.
I've gently told him some of this and it actually has helped.
Made it clear it wasn't about him, and he has been better about not
drinking as obviously or much around me.

So I don't know if this is part of things for you, but it might be.
I don't "fit" in my family as I once did and that change is hard.
What else are you doing to fill your former drinking time?

I took up guitar playing and I read more. I also blend herbal teas
to drink since I'm off the booze. I took some classes last semester
in voice and cinema. Stuff I didn't "have time" to do when I was getting
home from work and opening the first bottle.
As time passes, these things seem to be more
a part of my life and I get more animated thinking about
and doing them. But it has been a process.

LDT

There's an old song sung by Peggy Lee called " Is That All There Is?".... Thats how I felt during early sobriety . Flat. Unexcited. Boring. ...So glad I stuck with it to the other side of all that, because long term sobriety is so much more. Give it time Raider. Be patient and go easy on yourself. Maybe do some service work? I found that getting outside of my head and helping others helped me.

Congrats on your 3 weeks. it does get better.

Thepatman

I am still in early recovery myself and can relate. I am really different sober, I am calm, patient, philosophical and analytic.

But that is the real me so I have to get to know me again. And after 20 years of not seeing me, we have some catching up to do, like an old friendship.

Threshold

I know in early sobriety I was SURE I was doing it wrong, kidding myself, etc, because hey...I wasn't dancing in a field of clover, with daisy chains round my neck,puppies at my feet and a butterfly fluttering round my head. I had heard so many glory stories of how immediately upon getting sober people's lives did a 180 and were on the fast track to bliss and joy...that I thought THAT was what sobriety was supposed to be.

Funny thing is before I got into recovery, I thought sobriety was going to be a martyrdom of white knuckling self deprivation for the rest of my earthly life.

I was wrong on both counts. Life is what life is. I have good days and stretches of time, and bad one's and neutral ones. Sobriety has turned out to be the freedom to choose how to act, rather than the compulsion to react blindly to every thought, feeling and circumstance in my life.

not every day is awesome, but everyday is no longer guaranteed to be the crappy hell that my using/boozing days were.

I'm not doing it wrong, some people were just incredibly lucky/blessed to get that pink cloud.

Carlotta

I did not experience a pink cloud neither did I have major cravings or triggers, for me it was back to business as usual. I think you mentioned being in AA before, have you started working the steps?

jdooner

Raider - I felt the same way. My interpretation is through drinking and or drugging you are rewiring your brain. The addiction is your brain craving more dopamine. The high is never attainable or achievable bc you build tolerance and require more - in essence you chase your tail and it becomes a Hungry Ghost to quote Mator - something that can never be fulfilled.

So while you are drinking or using, you flood your brain with dopamine. When you stop its like slowing from 150mph to 65mph. Even though there is still happiness, the perception is that life is blah. It will take time for the brain to rewire. It is my personal view - not medically based that this phenomena makes relapse so prevalent. We are used to "feeling" life and attain a high that is unnatural and its tough to make it through the readjustment period so we go back but the going back is not sustainable so its all an illusion of perceptions.

I can make the same analogy to a sine wave - you are reducing the amplitude or highs but also the lows are higher. As you build more time, the natal highs will feel like they should wihtou having to add booze or drugs. Getting through this period is the difficult part though.

Boleo

POMJSOP is what keeps me sober. Not "not-drinking".

Without out it, sobriety would not be worth having. What is it?

Peace Of Mind, Joy, Sense Of Purpose. When I have it, I don't even think about drinking.

Carlotta

Agreed, and the steps can really help to achieve that.

joyousone

Hi my friend Raider! I would love to have a day I wasn't thinking about drinking or not drinking. How many days sober, when did I drink last etc. Maybe you're just getting on with living today and who cares that's great! Don't compare yourself to others. It's ok to not be excited. Just try to be a little grateful.

tomsteve

not thinkin about drinkin WILL happen if ya work at it. it took me a few months, but was shocked that I made it a whole 24 hours without even thinkin about a drink. I didn't realize it until the next day, but what a miracle!

chaili05

Hi Raider,

I just wanted to say thank you for being so brutally honest here in the forums and for posting this thread- I've been feeling this way too and appreciate everyone's input/advice and support

karate

That's a great post ,Obviously you have done a bunch of research on it as well ,I have also ,you are on target 100%

Tamerua

I don't have this excitement until 30 days or more, the first month or so was blah. How about doing a morning gratitude list?

Beanie25

3 weeks is is a big achievement. Hold on, the flatline feeling won't last for too long IMO. It is tough tho for sure.