diffingo911

I have been reading a lot of posts regarding behavior problems related to Alcoholism. Much of the "Powerlessness" (real word?) related to in the sharing has been regarding the kind of "Jekyll and Hyde" Syndrome of what happens with alcoholic personality change.

My behavior stays about the same when I drink-I don't look for any trouble or attempt to bring any on - Regardless, I still do go on good runs. I'd have to say the extended drinking happens when I feel like Crap the next day and am too much of a wimp to ride out a hangover and start by having a COUPLE to get it together- then, after a couple, I find it feels too good to stop-then I get into this Cycle and it gets more difficult to abstain after awhile.

Anyways-to keep this short, I wondered how many of You can relate to any of this, particularly the "Mellow Drunk" idea and to HELP me with determining where My "powerlessness" in My Alcoholism might be defined...Does that make sense?

KateL

Makes sense to me. I know a man who is drunk 24/7 and is the nicest, most intelligent person I know. He is funny and charming, not a bad bone in his body. He also has type 2 diabetes. He works and functions but, I think his powerlessness is it is killing him.

I used to get into the cycle thing by the way - exactly the same.

jdooner

What helped me was to understand that powerlessness does not mean helplessness.

It might help to look into the day after and your ability to not drink to "feel better." In other words your power to not drink for a period of time. For me towards the end I did not want to drink but would find a drink in my hand.

silentrun

I just sat in my chair at night and got drunk. I never started a fight even if one was warranted because I didn't want my husband to know how drunk I was. I never got into any trouble because of my alcohol consumption. I was however killing myself and had entered a depression so bad I wished for death. The powerless thing comes in for me because I cannot drink safely and that is never going to change.

diffingo911

Wow-just the few Posts here so far speak Volumes to Me ! Excellent food for thought !

doggonecarl

It took a long time for me to admit to powerlessness, and the topic of what is is or isn't is one ripe for debate. So while I might not have seen myself as powerless, I could not debate the power that alcohol had over me. I was tethered to it like post. So in my mind, if alcohol is more powerful than my ability to handle it, then I'm powerless.

Thepatman

For me, personally I think I had a weakness in life, sex drugs and booze was my chosen path. Now I choose a different one and all the power in the world is in my hands. You put a mountain between be and my sobriety, and I will move it. Even if it's one shovel at a time and it takes me until my last breath.

I am breaking this family cycle once and for all, i lost too many to this poison.

Carlotta

I drank completely alone so behavioral problems did not apply in my case. The powerlessness for me in the AA context is that once I pick up the first drink, the obsession starts and I don't know when I will stop. I have a very dysfunctional relationship with alcohol and alcohol when I am in addiction does win.
In order to regain my power, I had to admit that powerlessness and accept that I can never drink safely again. As a result, I am in a state of acceptance:it is what it is and I am ok with it.
By "giving up" and accepting powerlessness, I have power and the choice, to take the first drink or not knowing fully well the consequences of that action.

forabetterlife

I began drinking socially but evolved into drinking alone as I got older, had kids, and less of a social life. And drinking alone, I'd just get lazy and peaceful. Not even much drunk dialing or texting or face booking. Just a waste of time, drinking and then the next day hungover. Problems didn't get solved, emotions weren't felt, situations were avoided, projects didn't get done, and I essentially lost myself. I stopped doing all the things that I loved, that were good for me and a part of me. I am beginning to find that person again and it's like finding a long lost friend. I feel lucky and know things could have been much much worse, and they most likely would have gotten worse if I continued. I hate my addiction, but in a way, it has also taught me to appreciate life so much more.

DayTrader

I had major "issues" with powerlessness. I thought it meant I had to admit I was weak, that I couldn't do anything, that I had no will power, that I was worthless...... many of these same ideas I see over and over again here on SR when the subject comes up.

What I've come to understand it to mean to me now is several things: 1. In my history (aka, in my experience) I was unable to stay away from that next "first drink" permanently. I could do it for a while but I wasn't able to do it once and be done forever. 2. Try as I might, I wasn't ever able to really experience any lasting peace in my life. Happiness....sure, one and off, but no real lasting peace. When things went my way I was happy. When they didn't I was sad, mad, depressed, etc. I was at the mercy of the experience in my life but never able to just "be."

Truth be told, #2 was the bigger problem. Because of it, I'd drink to \drown my sorrows, to escape, or just to forget. Even though the drinking was causing some pretty substantial problems in my life, and even though I'd resolve to slow down or take it easy for X days/weeks.....I found it increasingly hard to stick to my decision. The times I did stick to it, it was like there was a constant flow of sand into a bag on my bag......ever getting heavier and heavier. Going through life got increasingly difficult until I'd drink again.....and it was like the pressure release valve was tripped.....until the next day when I'd be loaded down with guilt and shame over drinking again and proving how "weak" I was yet again.

I felt like I was constantly between a rock and a hard place: drink and feel miserable about it or not drink and just be miserable. That's what I now call powerless.....with a heaping of inability to properly manage life.

dwtbd

This is a topic I would way in on if it turns to the nearly inevitable debate. Part of my problem with the topic , I think, stems from the way I read the phrasing, but that comes from trying to 'know' the intentions of the poster. I usually see it as anthropomorphizing alcohol. As if the chemical itself can force some one to act.
I react and vehemently deny those attributes to a liquid. But the more time I spend introspecting , trying to analyze my thinking that lead me to continue my addiction, I do see where I was giving up power or control and basically letting the addiction(alcohol and it's effect ) lead. I wanted to be drunk so I drank. The amount and time spent drinking became unmanageable , the progressiveness played itself out.
So I think I have a new or different view on the power angle. I think one has it ,then gives it up and hopefully regains it. I just don't think one can have it taken from them or not posses it in the first place.

Brian316

I was told for the most part I was a pretty mellow drunk. This knowledge comes in part from me blacking out and asking people the next day if I did anything stupid. Powerlessness for me means if I drink, I can't gurantee the outcome.

GracieLou

This was me on weekends. In fact, right about now is when I would have been having my first drink of the day to chase away the hangover. Then I would drink all day long.

Once I have one drink, there is no turning back. It took my a while to see that. It is the first drink that gets me drunk not that I can't stop after the second or third or forth. I cannot control the craving once I have that first one.

Not having the first one is the only way for me. If I don't have the first, then I never have to worry about stopping or controlling the second.

I am powerless once I have the first one.

sugarbear1

My intention was to just have one beer/drink....

the problem was that once I had just one, I almost always had way too much!

quitter13

I also started as a social drinker. going to parties, bars or just hanging out at friends houses. as I got older it changed to drinking alone at home or with my ex wife. even when out I was never aggressive when drinking just happy and relaxed. never got into fights, never got a dui, never got arrested, never lost a job because of drinking. but never the less, I can't control it and I am also a bit of a control freak so having something in my life that controls me makes no sense when I think about it.