1undone

Called my therapist this morning. I drove my FIL to St. Augustine (I guess a sort of get-away out was in the back of my mind), he was happy to leave with me a day early. So yeah now I'm in my own bed. I've cried a lot.

I'm in that, my night life is no longer frame of mind and I'm resentful.

I honestly wish I could drink. In 4 days it will be 60 days without alcohol at some time in my week. A diner to look forward to, party, by the pool, etc. I didn't have bad hang-overs but did hate myself after drinking too much which was at least 5 out of 7 days a week. I also always started at around 4PM. OFF I WENT.

I hate it both ways. I am just not in any frame of mind to feel good about any of this; just don't understand how any of you non-drinkers can truly be happy no matter how long or short your sobriety is.

I want to be totally honest so that I get real support and maybe someday be there for someone else but I just can't see being happy either way. I'm so distressed.

KateL

It's still quite early days and it does get better. I didn't think it ever would but it did xxx

Sudz No More

Regardless of what else is going on in your life you really do need to hang in there and give sobriety more time. I wasn't getting solid in my recovery until about 6 months. You just have to hold out for a few more months and the obsession will start to lift. Don't give up and wait out the time you need to get better. You won't regret it.

EndGameNYC

If you continue to work on your recovery, you'll never have to go through the first sixty days of sobriety ever again.

A lot of things suck early on, but everything sucks during a relapse.

Boleo

It's not life that gets better. It's our attitude. We eventually learn that both happiness and misery are an inside job. We can be miserable when everything goes right or we can be happy when everything goes wrong. It's just a matter of spiritual detachment.

Nevertheless

The addiction is still talking to you. Once it goes away completely,you will wonder how you ever thought that drinking could make anything better.
The only thing a drink will do is feed the monster in your mind.
Stay the course,and stick with this.

Fred

EternalQ

Yes, you may feel like you are unhappy if you drink and unhappy if you don't. I understand.

But here's the difference.
If you keep sober you will be forcing yourself to do something about your unhappiness. Guaranteed.

If you stay drinking, you'll do nothing about your unhappiness because you will be numbing yourself to it. Nothing will prompt you to have insight and make changes. You will have no personal growth. Guaranteed.

So both roads may seem uncomfortable right now, but only one of the two roads promises temporary discomfort. Sobriety road.

tootsl1

You are in an early days limbo here, where you cannot see an alcohol free future. I feel you need to work at what you want from your future, and work towards it. As you become more enthused at doing what you want to, you will no longer consider drink as important in your life.

Dee74

at 60 days I was kinda resigned to never feeling happy again...by 90 days I began to experience joy again

There's always hope if you keep moving forward 1undone

D

KateL

I can still be a right miserable rat bag from time to time, even now. But it's no big deal, I am allowed because I'm a good girl most of the time Cheer up, it will get better xx

sunrise1

I know that I felt this way for a really long time. I couldn't contemplate ever having FUN fun again... it made me miserable and feel like there was no light at the end of the tunnel.

It took the one thing we all hate to wait for: time. I went one day at a time... trusting other people who had been there that things would change. For a LOOOOOONG time I thought it was the biggest line of BS ever.

I found, though, as time went by that I was still having fun- minus all the regrets and arguments and bad situations that alcohol brought with it. Is it a different kind of fun? Sure. But is it genuine? Absolutely yes. I'm a happier person. And I know there's hope for you if you stay the course.

One day you'll catch yourself having fun and you'll be pretty amazed at how great it feels.

Mountainmanbob

not to brag up my drinking
but
it was always 7 out of 7 days
does not 5 out of 7 seem as if you were tied to the bottle ??
as I look back sober now
I see where most of my life was spent drinking and thinking about drinking
and drinking more
and drinking more

there is tremendous freedom found in sobriety
my thoughts have a million other places to go now

MB