17 months sober, but..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Aussie
Posts: 79
17 months sober, but..
Hi all i'm currently nearly 17 months sober and my life has completely changed for the best and heading in the right direction. I just moved out of my parents house where I got sober into a nice house and have a great job.
I still have huge anxiety issues (Yes i've done my 12 steps) it's basically from the time I wake up till the time I go to bed. It can be so debilitating it even effects my speech, at work it is the worse, I sometimes find myself clenching my teeth feeling like I am going to pass out.
Anyway the docs won't give me any benzos so I have been buying Valium and xanax myself and taking them as needed and feel great again. I have tried all antidepressants and some other medication but the only thing that WORKS are alcohol and benzos. I was off benzos for probably 10 months before I gave into them. I still go to AA and I know drinking is not an option for me and I have no desire for it!! (Never could imagine life without alcohol). I have also dabbled in some amphetamines lately on weekends (not ice or anything). But it just gives my mood a bit of a lift.
Anyone experience stuff like this? I'm 32 fit, healthy and love where my life is at
it's just the unbearable anxiety I cant deal with.
Thanks.
Shaun.
I still have huge anxiety issues (Yes i've done my 12 steps) it's basically from the time I wake up till the time I go to bed. It can be so debilitating it even effects my speech, at work it is the worse, I sometimes find myself clenching my teeth feeling like I am going to pass out.
Anyway the docs won't give me any benzos so I have been buying Valium and xanax myself and taking them as needed and feel great again. I have tried all antidepressants and some other medication but the only thing that WORKS are alcohol and benzos. I was off benzos for probably 10 months before I gave into them. I still go to AA and I know drinking is not an option for me and I have no desire for it!! (Never could imagine life without alcohol). I have also dabbled in some amphetamines lately on weekends (not ice or anything). But it just gives my mood a bit of a lift.
Anyone experience stuff like this? I'm 32 fit, healthy and love where my life is at
it's just the unbearable anxiety I cant deal with.Thanks.
Shaun.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Toronto
Posts: 318
Hey Shaun,
Yes. I quit the booze for over a year once but was full of anxiety. Its something that I have had to deal with my entire life. When I came off the booze I was most comfortable just sitting alone in my condo. Depressing really. During that year I would Pop a C2 (Benzo). I was prescribed "take as needed" by my doc and took them responsibly. Well I found myself becoming dependent on them. It sucked, so I decided to see a Nutritionist. Best move I have ever made. They suggested some natural remedies that have worked wonders in my life. Of course they take a few weeks to start kicking in but anxiety = GONE.
My goal was to get off all mind altering drugs. So I did.
Yes. I quit the booze for over a year once but was full of anxiety. Its something that I have had to deal with my entire life. When I came off the booze I was most comfortable just sitting alone in my condo. Depressing really. During that year I would Pop a C2 (Benzo). I was prescribed "take as needed" by my doc and took them responsibly. Well I found myself becoming dependent on them. It sucked, so I decided to see a Nutritionist. Best move I have ever made. They suggested some natural remedies that have worked wonders in my life. Of course they take a few weeks to start kicking in but anxiety = GONE.
My goal was to get off all mind altering drugs. So I did.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Aussie
Posts: 79
Originally Posted by Lifewillgetbet 
Hey Shaun,
Yes. I quit the booze for over a year once but was full of anxiety. Its something that I have had to deal with my entire life. When I came off the booze I was most comfortable just sitting alone in my condo. Depressing really. During that year I would Pop a C2 (Benzo). I was prescribed "take as needed" by my doc and took them responsibly. Well I found myself becoming dependent on them. It sucked, so I decided to see a Nutritionist. Best move I have ever made. They suggested some natural remedies that have worked wonders in my life. Of course they take a few weeks to start kicking in but anxiety = GONE.
My goal was to get off all mind altering drugs. So I did.
Yes. I quit the booze for over a year once but was full of anxiety. Its something that I have had to deal with my entire life. When I came off the booze I was most comfortable just sitting alone in my condo. Depressing really. During that year I would Pop a C2 (Benzo). I was prescribed "take as needed" by my doc and took them responsibly. Well I found myself becoming dependent on them. It sucked, so I decided to see a Nutritionist. Best move I have ever made. They suggested some natural remedies that have worked wonders in my life. Of course they take a few weeks to start kicking in but anxiety = GONE.
My goal was to get off all mind altering drugs. So I did.
Congrats
. The funny thing is mine is mainly social anxiety and I can remember having it even as a child (although I played alot of sport and had many friends). Benzos is not the solution, I feel guilty about taking speed a few times lately but it bought me right out of my shell and straight away I hooked up with a girl... I have the confidence somewhere down there it just wont come out without some kind of substance. I'm still really proud of myself for not drinking... Not going back there lol.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by ShaunEm14
Hi all i'm currently nearly 17 months sober and my life has completely changed for the best and heading in the right direction.
Trading one addiction or another?
I quit drugs in '86. Wore my "I beat addiction" badge proudly. But keep drinking because alcohol wasn't my problem. And here I am, on SR for alcohol, which most likely lead to my relapse on oxy.
In a way, alcohol wasn't my problem. I was a me problem. And to fix ME, I had to be clean and sober.
I hope you find a way to manage your anxiety. I can't claim to understand it or know what you are going through. But your current path isn't the solution.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Aussie
Posts: 79
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Your life has changed for the best, yet you use drugs you've gotten illegally. That is a pretty loosey-goosey definition of sobriety, ShaunEm, in my opinion.
Trading one addiction or another?
I quit drugs in '86. Wore my "I beat addiction" badge proudly. But keep drinking because alcohol wasn't my problem. And here I am, on SR for alcohol, which most likely lead to my relapse on oxy.
In a way, alcohol wasn't my problem. I was a me problem. And to fix ME, I had to be clean and sober.
I hope you find a way to manage your anxiety. I can't claim to understand it or know what you are going through. But your current path isn't the solution.
Trading one addiction or another?
I quit drugs in '86. Wore my "I beat addiction" badge proudly. But keep drinking because alcohol wasn't my problem. And here I am, on SR for alcohol, which most likely lead to my relapse on oxy.
In a way, alcohol wasn't my problem. I was a me problem. And to fix ME, I had to be clean and sober.
I hope you find a way to manage your anxiety. I can't claim to understand it or know what you are going through. But your current path isn't the solution.
.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"...and my life has completely changed for the best and heading in the right direction."
if this includes the right direction:
".... so I have been buying Valium and xanax myself and taking them as needed ....."
if these aren't prescribed by a doctor and purchased at a pharmacy, I must be heading in the wrong direction.
if this includes the right direction:
".... so I have been buying Valium and xanax myself and taking them as needed ....."
if these aren't prescribed by a doctor and purchased at a pharmacy, I must be heading in the wrong direction.
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
Shaun,
You also mentioned in another thread that you are taking Testosterone Enanthate, an anabolic steroid, illegally without a prescription. Some of the side effects from this drug include anxiety, fear and paranoia. Self-medicating with mood altering and illegally obtained drugs is bad news. I think you know that and came here hoping someone would tell you that what you're doing is OK. My experience is that what you are doing is definitely not OK.
I had major surgery in 2004, and due to complications I was on opiate pain relievers for several months. I got addicted to those and started buying them off of the internet when my doctor cut me off. I also relapsed on alcohol during that time (after 7 years sober) and drank for another 8 years before getting sober again. You are definitely playing with fire.
You also mentioned in another thread that you are taking Testosterone Enanthate, an anabolic steroid, illegally without a prescription. Some of the side effects from this drug include anxiety, fear and paranoia. Self-medicating with mood altering and illegally obtained drugs is bad news. I think you know that and came here hoping someone would tell you that what you're doing is OK. My experience is that what you are doing is definitely not OK.
I had major surgery in 2004, and due to complications I was on opiate pain relievers for several months. I got addicted to those and started buying them off of the internet when my doctor cut me off. I also relapsed on alcohol during that time (after 7 years sober) and drank for another 8 years before getting sober again. You are definitely playing with fire.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: uk
Posts: 382
Hi Shaun,
I can relate to the benzos. I have extreme anxiety and have been buying benzos for a while, I can control how many I take (when sober)... but
I wish I had never found out how to get them!!! I knew before that if I relapsed I'd have access to buy benzos to detox. When I actually get a decent amount of time sober under my belt and the initial anxiety eases I find the best solution is nutrition and herbal teas. It really really does help.
As far as taking anything else mood altering, I'm not sure I can relate so i'll leave it there.
I can relate to the benzos. I have extreme anxiety and have been buying benzos for a while, I can control how many I take (when sober)... but
I wish I had never found out how to get them!!! I knew before that if I relapsed I'd have access to buy benzos to detox. When I actually get a decent amount of time sober under my belt and the initial anxiety eases I find the best solution is nutrition and herbal teas. It really really does help.
As far as taking anything else mood altering, I'm not sure I can relate so i'll leave it there.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
I'm glad you're feeling better, Shaun, but your illicit use of mood-altering drugs can only end one way. I'm certain that your commenting here about this and your bad feelings about what you're doing is a demonstration of your knowing, on some level, that this line of behavior will turn against you at some point. I promise you that it will do so with a vengeance.
The goal in sobriety is to live better, not to feel better. There are plenty of alternative strategies for managing anxiety that don't include popping pills. And the fact that you "hooked up with a girl" does not justify your taking speed.
Get back on track before you fly off the rails.
The goal in sobriety is to live better, not to feel better. There are plenty of alternative strategies for managing anxiety that don't include popping pills. And the fact that you "hooked up with a girl" does not justify your taking speed.
Get back on track before you fly off the rails.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
