copperfield

Ehhh, I have tried on and off for years. It's the same typical thing, I get through for a bit and then feel like I can handle it, and over time it progresses to full blown benders again....its so hard...why me

Ghostlight1

It's not just you, I'm right there with you.
As for the 'why you'? I don't know the answer to that. All I know is what happened to me. I was a drunk. My weekend binges went on to week long binges. It got to the point where I was afraid to stop drinking.

I was like you in another way, too. I would stop drinking for awhile and looked better, felt better and the hangover was gone. Hey! I can drink again.
I went through this for many years.
What I do is remember how I felt after those binges. The fear, anxiety and remorse and the swearing off I'd never do it again. Well, for two years ten months I haven't this time.

Have you tried a recovery program? They work for many. It's hard to do it alone.
If nothing else, remember how you feel now and realize you'll never have to feel this way again. Just don't have the first one.

Best to you.

copperfield

Thank you Ghostlight1 for your response

littlefish

I think most of us have tried for years and years: you are not alone there. I guess I've also wondered "why me?" at some point.
I have spent a good amount of time thinking I was cursed and that others were lucky and when the door swung open in the starting gate of life, there I was with a broken leg.
But, in recovery I started to accept that I have a disease, that I'm different. Kind of like someone who has a heart condition. I'm now okay with being different.
I could not quit on my own. I needed a program of recovery. Once I found one, good things started happening.

I can't drink, I'm different that way. And, it's part of who I am.

freshstart57

I think what may be missing for you is your acceptance of the simple truth that you can have life, or you can have alcohol, but you cannot have both. Everything became very clear and straightforward when I understood that.

Maybe the idea of that acceptance sets off your AV to screaming - No NO NO! Surely I'll be able to drink once I get a handle on it again. Surely I'll learn how to moderate. Maybe once in a while will be OK, just one or two over the holidays. Maybe when my brother/buddy comes over, it will be OK then. All these thoughts are delusions, all lies, all AV telling you that you will be able to drink, doing everything it can to make you avoid that acceptance.

Your AV will also tell you that you can't do this without something else happening, filling you with doubt in your ability to succeed. That is also AV, make no mistake.

You can quit, and you can quit for good. Believe in yourself, and set your self confidence dial all the way up to 11. Your life will be so much simpler, easier, with your own full measure of peace and joy. You deserve it, and if you decide, you will have it. Onward!

awuh1

My question is WHAT have you tried "off and on for years". Is the power of your will strong enough to go the distance? If so, then try again if you think this time is somehow different. If not, and that's all you have tried, then it's time to try something new.

Have you tried AVRT? If you feel you need to do it on your own and can deal with your 'addictive voice' then give it a try. It works for some.

AA is always there if you need it if you think you need a bit bore face to face support.

In any event, I think it's worth considering a try with another method.