Doug39

Today I am 87 days sober after 25 years of daily drinking.

Yesterday I got news that my wife's brother-in-law's brother has terminal cancer and has less than 6 months to live. He is only 67.

My aunt died last year at age 67 from cancer as did a good friend the year before at age 62.

I am 50 years old and sometimes I think it is stupid to try and live a clean lifestyle when we are all going to die anyway. If I want to get drunk I should be able to. If I want to eat like crap I should be allowed.

I know, I know, the reason to stay sober is so that while we are here living life it is better to do it sober and clean headed and really enjoy life instead of feeling like crap half the time. But when I got that news yesterday I was like "what's the use? Why am I abstaining from doing what I want when it could all be over soon anyway?"

Don't worry I am sticking to my sobriety but this is a tough funk to get out of. I also have that stupid wedding to go to in 2 weeks and that is not going to be easy to get through sober when everyone else is getting heavily liquored.

DAB

Hang in there doniker!
Drinking only brings us to our graves sooner.
Focus on all the positives that sobriety has brought into your life and remember why you chose sobriety in the first place.
You are doing great at 87 days, congratulations!

freshstart57

I seem to have convinced myself that getting drunk again is not what I want to do. It might be what my perverted pleasure drive wants, or what the vestiges of my addiction want, but not what I want. When drinking, I didn't feel like crap half the time, it really got to be all the time.

Maybe your drinking might take you to that place too, doniker, should you make the mistake of tying one just one more binge. If my life were to have an expiry date, I would want to enjoy every last day sober rather than passed out, blacked out, depressed, disgusted, anxious and miserable.

Good luck with your funk, you really are doing what is best in all possible ways. Onward!

DoubleBarrel

Did you/do you still enjoy drinking? Really?
Or are you forgetting what brought you here.

In my case, drinking wasn't really fun anymore, for a long time.
The consequences FAR outweighed any benefits.
And in fact, being sober has brought me the benefits I was seeking by drinking. FOR REAL.

Dee74

I hope I'm wrong, but chances are I'm not going to have a long life - not with my physical condition due to my disability, and the damage I did on top of that.

That makes me more determined to make the rest of my life worthwhile, not less.

I've lost people too - I want to honour their memory and their all too short lives, not trash them by wasting my life anymore.

I want to wring the most I can from every day.

My advice is tell your AV to shut up...seize the day doniker

D

Doug39

I guess I enjoy the positive things that go along with drinking. The bonding with others, the idea of being buzzed and carefree, the feeling of drinking that ice cold beer after a long day of work.

The negative parts of drinking fade away with time faster than the positive.

20 years ago my than 92 year old grandfather was bedridden and our family took care of him at home. I would check on him everyday and sometimes I had to change his diaper and clean him up.

When I think about my grandfather I don't think about cleaning up his crap, I think about the good times.

Same with alcohol use.

Johnston

A sense of mortality always nagged at me up until a few years ago. I think in my case substance abuse was an attempt to tamp down a racing mind obsessed with things beyond my understanding and control. For some reason the fear and pondering have gradually gone away, and sobriety has been easier to hold on to.

DoubleBarrel

Since you have identified this fact, I would like to respectfully suggest that all of the part highlighted in red is not you, but in fact addictive voice.

You surely must understand that those desires are not the reality.

Do you believe that those good times are still available if you return to drinking?

In my case, it just kept getting worse.

What are you doing for recovery, besides this site?

MrGhost

Yeah, I hate those depressing thoughts too, I hear you. It's like death calling to us... through the bottle. A whisper of "You have nothing to lose, drink me". But alcohol if not turning one into an outlaw rebel, or effecting your health in a way you care due to age or other psychical ailments you already suffer with, it destructs the mind, the way alcohol makes us think when under the influence isn't good IMO.

I know not all of us all enraged psychopaths when drunk(NO offense to ANYBODY), but it still changes how we think, some times we'll insult things, or just think very off, as are thinking becomes so distorted and that never does any one around us any good, or us no good, or lead to any pleasant days, it sure as hell doesn't beat a slow nice SINCERE day being sober. So I hope you keep it up, if it was up to your truest inner being, it would tell you you're doing the right thing by not continueing to drink.

And about the wedding, think of your own heart when there and nothing more, and ignore the drinking part, be thankful it's not you even if it's just for one day. And think of how, it is true, we don't know when are time is up. Life is so temporary. Too temporary when we think of all the wonders of life. Anyways, gtood job on staying sober and good luck to you. That's an amazing accomplishment after 25 years. It's like god wanted to tell you some thing.

Tres

My friend who died of cancer at age 30 told me:

Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift....thats why its called "The Present."

I have never forgotten that.

Your feelin a bit of a slump but it will pass. Stay strong, none of it would be better handled drunk.

Be thankful for what you have, your not dead yet because God isnt finished with you yet!

Best wishes.