AB3

I'm not going to say anything that hasn't been said before. But, putting my thoughts into words will probably help.

I decided after last Friday night that I was going to sober up. No more liquor, no more hangovers. I made it up until Tuesday night and gave in and bought a pint of brandy. Drank the pint, then drank a 24 ounce beer, and followed that up with 2 16oz cans of Coors. Needless to say, I was pretty drunk. Same thing happened Thursday night, then again last night. My stomach has been pretty tore up all day today. I've just had enough. I found that in my 3 and a half days sober earlier this week that I didn't suffer very intense withdrawals. Just pretty hardcore cravings and some pretty strange, vivid dreams. I've seen lots of people on here saying they suffer from anxiety and depression. I'm no different, and ever since I was 20 I've been drinking to mask those feelings (which obviously, in turn, make it all worse.) I just want to become a normal functioning, productive human being again. I've disappointed a lot of people. Family, friends, etc. I'm tired of having to apologize for what I do when I get past that certain point of a drinking night, where I black out and tend to get angry very easily and most of the time for no apparent reason. It just doesn't make sense why you'd want to keep drinking when you know it's just going to have a negative impact on yourself and others. But I guess that's just the mentality of an alcoholic.

So basically, i'm back to day one. I'm gonna try this without AA or any other support groups. This site is wonderful, and full of wonderful people that support each other from what I've seen. That's all I think I need. I will consult a doctor if I start to feel bad. But here's to hoping this time it'll work out. Thanks for reading.

suki44883

Welcome to SR, AB3! You'll find a lot of support here.

SR is a wonderful online support group. Hope you'll take the time to read around the forums and especially the "stickie" posts at the top of the main page of the Alcoholism forum. Lots of great information there. Post whenever you feel like it. It will help.

EndGameNYC

I wish you all the best in your decision, but this is not a condition that responds well to self-treatment.

Experiencing withdrawals and cravings, adjusting to life without alcohol, and managing anxiety and depression are much more than any of us can handle all by ourselves.

AB3

Understood. I've known a lot of people who've done it on their own just going on sheer willpower. If it gets to that point, however, where I feel like I can't do it on my own, I will seek external help. Just gonna give this a try. I've noticed a positive change in my thinking and self control over the past few weeks. Just gonna try to stay on this path and hopefully it'll work out. And thanks for the warm welcome suki! I'll be posting updates pretty frequently. This is a great place to go when in need of some inspiration to stay strong.

suki44883

((((HUGS)))) This is the best decision you have ever made!

StevenT

Sounds like a good decision to me. Possibly better then just going to AA and giving that a go.

I'm a very big supporter of the whole concept of walking into the local bar and trying to have a drink and set it down halfway through, trying to only drink once a month, all that stuff. It shows us what we are and are not capable of, if we are honest with ourselves. This sounds something like that. You want to try it on your own, and see if you can do it. I support that. If it turns out that you cannot do it on your own, you also seem to be willing to do what is necessary. I respect that.

We are here for you if you need us, or want us.

AB3

Thanks guys! I'll need the support for sure. Glad there's a place like this to come to when the going gets tough. It's definitely one of the most positive things you could ever do for yourself and the people that care for you.

breath

Good Luck, We're here to support. Keep in mind it's not easy(or smart) to go solo; reaching out makes for a much better lifetime. Why the choice to try and do it the hardest possible way is so popular when the odds of success so small is one of life's great mysteries, IMO. One Day At A Time, Keep Coming Back!

AB3

Very true. But like I said, if it gets bad, I will not hesitate to seek help. Thanks for the good wishes.

AB3

Day 2, going pretty well so far. Felt a little shaky this morning but nothing drastic. Definitely feel a little fatigued, but that was expected. Still a hell of a lot better than waking up hungover with no memory of the night before. Just gotta keep on keeping on.

Arbor

Nice positive posts here. Thanks and good luck. I'm on day two as well after almost three weeks of sobriety. Prog rock all the way!!

caboblanco

AB3 we are here for ya..and no judgement.

AB3

Slipped up. I was offered a few shots the other night by a friend, and though my plans were to NOT drink, I did anyways. Didn't get drunk, just got a buzz. Yesterday, same thing. Had a few shots, followed by the ignorant decision to go buy two 32oz bottles of beer. Today I am hungover, and I'm going to have to start over. As I'm sure lots of you have also done, I've had several "this is stopping today" moments. More than I care to know, exactly. But in gonna give it a go again. Pretty disappointed in myself, but still glad I have the willpower to at least keep trying. I'll keep checking in to this thread to update. I'm going to try to stay away from people and places that will tempt me. I'm so ready for this to be OVER. Take care, everyone.

MattM316

The first post sounds a lot like me, especially with the weird vivid dreams. I used to have loads each night and wakeup every 20 minutes hardly getting any sleep, just these mad dreams.

I stopped and started so many times, it's only in the past couple weeks that I decided it was all or nothing.
Once you get past the first few days you don't really feel like drinking at all, it's just the anxiety and mood swings which hit you.
You just have to keep reminding yourself that alcohol is not going to help that problem.

Muns

The dreams are crazy. That's a symptom I never heard about till recently but its real.

PhaseTwo

I feel like being on this website means you're not doing it alone, I think the site is very helpful.

Dee74

Hi AB3 - welcome
yeah I had to change my life - no trying about it - my old life, friends, social occasions etc. - were completely geared around drinking.

have you any ideas how you might change your life?
D