Trying to quit Alcohol but now it's VERY tough
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 58
Trying to quit Alcohol but now it's VERY tough
So it's been awhile since I've been here posting, I just recently got engaged on July 19, 2013, I had been a drinker of beer for years, I am almost 21, only a few days from my birthday, now I was completely in love with my girl, about 3 weeks ago, she said she needed a break, and a couple days later, she started dating someone else, it took me completely off guard, now she hadn't know that I was drinking alot when we were together because we didn't live together. I've not been able to quit drinking period since she left me, I've been heartbroken and basically been drowning my sorrows every night, I have tried everything to save the relationship, but she won't listen. has anybody else had this problem after a breakup? I'm sure there is, but I really wanted to quit but now I am very weak.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Hi DeanChev.
I hear ya, and I'm with ya.
I got married at twenty one, and she was (then) the love of my life. I would do anything for her. She left me after three years due to my drinking and my alcoholic behavior.
I wanted to die each and every day, and I believed that the pain of losing her would kill me without any help. I honestly don't know how I survived that whole disaster. I felt as though a nuclear blast had occurred, and that I'd walked out of a bomb shelter, walking barefoot on broken glass and twisted metal. The world I knew was not only gone, but completely destroyed. Life was over for me. It seemed I was the only one on the planet who knew what it meant for her to be gone. I was inconsolable.
In the end, her leaving hastened my sobriety. I was determined to get back on my feet, and make myself the man she wanted me to be and who I believed I was. Our reunion never came to pass. Just prior to our finishing up our plans to get back together, she called me from D.C., where she'd moved a couple of years after our breakup, and told me she met someone else. I went through all of it all over again. I couldn't drink, and I couldn't not drink; I couldn't live, and I couldn't die. A year later, I began twenty five years of sobriety by working the AA Big Book Twelve Steps.
About a year after I got sober, I was no longer among the walking dead. I made a good enough amount of peace with myself over this that I could even feel happy again at times. By virtue of my sobriety, I was to meet some fascinating people, both in romantic relationships and otherwise.
At some point, I came to both understand and believe that her leaving was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I don't regret my time with her, and I don't regret what became of me and my life after she left.
It's very important that you be gentle with yourself, and that you make time to be with supportive others. You simply have to do that in order to heal. We don't ever completely get over such things; if we're lucky, we find their rightful place within us.
I hear ya, and I'm with ya.
I got married at twenty one, and she was (then) the love of my life. I would do anything for her. She left me after three years due to my drinking and my alcoholic behavior.
I wanted to die each and every day, and I believed that the pain of losing her would kill me without any help. I honestly don't know how I survived that whole disaster. I felt as though a nuclear blast had occurred, and that I'd walked out of a bomb shelter, walking barefoot on broken glass and twisted metal. The world I knew was not only gone, but completely destroyed. Life was over for me. It seemed I was the only one on the planet who knew what it meant for her to be gone. I was inconsolable.
In the end, her leaving hastened my sobriety. I was determined to get back on my feet, and make myself the man she wanted me to be and who I believed I was. Our reunion never came to pass. Just prior to our finishing up our plans to get back together, she called me from D.C., where she'd moved a couple of years after our breakup, and told me she met someone else. I went through all of it all over again. I couldn't drink, and I couldn't not drink; I couldn't live, and I couldn't die. A year later, I began twenty five years of sobriety by working the AA Big Book Twelve Steps.
About a year after I got sober, I was no longer among the walking dead. I made a good enough amount of peace with myself over this that I could even feel happy again at times. By virtue of my sobriety, I was to meet some fascinating people, both in romantic relationships and otherwise.
At some point, I came to both understand and believe that her leaving was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I don't regret my time with her, and I don't regret what became of me and my life after she left.
It's very important that you be gentle with yourself, and that you make time to be with supportive others. You simply have to do that in order to heal. We don't ever completely get over such things; if we're lucky, we find their rightful place within us.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: SoCal
Posts: 222
I have so much to say here, but Im afraid it may come off as condescending.
I will just say you are incredibly young, probably FAR too young (at least in my opinion) to even consider marriage and that...Well I can only speak for myself and I seem to be a bit unorthodox, but you have to be happy with yourself above all else. If you cant take or leave a "relationship" or if you are seeking some kind of fulfillment through one, then I personally believe that is a flawed pursuit.
I will just say you are incredibly young, probably FAR too young (at least in my opinion) to even consider marriage and that...Well I can only speak for myself and I seem to be a bit unorthodox, but you have to be happy with yourself above all else. If you cant take or leave a "relationship" or if you are seeking some kind of fulfillment through one, then I personally believe that is a flawed pursuit.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,095
Originally Posted by polaris 
I have so much to say here, but Im afraid it may come off as condescending.
I will just say you are incredibly young, probably FAR too young (at least in my opinion) to even consider marriage and that...Well I can only speak for myself and I seem to be a bit unorthodox, but you have to be happy with yourself above all else. If you cant take or leave a "relationship" or if you are seeking some kind of fulfillment through one, then I personally believe that is a flawed pursuit.
I will just say you are incredibly young, probably FAR too young (at least in my opinion) to even consider marriage and that...Well I can only speak for myself and I seem to be a bit unorthodox, but you have to be happy with yourself above all else. If you cant take or leave a "relationship" or if you are seeking some kind of fulfillment through one, then I personally believe that is a flawed pursuit.
Get out there, live life and get yourself together before you settle down and get married.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Illinois
Posts: 58
Thanks everyone, she says she still loves me and all that but our relationship has dulled out, I believe I am pretty young to get married too but when you feel like you found your soulmate, you are more than willing to consider marriage, I hope that one day, after she and I both clear our heads, we can have a second chance, until then, I am going to cut back on drinking so much, and hang out with the ones who support me, and comfort me.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by DeanChev
Thanks everyone, she says she still loves me and all that but our relationship has dulled out, I believe I am pretty young to get married too but when you feel like you found your soulmate, you are more than willing to consider marriage, I hope that one day, after she and I both clear our heads, we can have a second chance, until then, I am going to cut back on drinking so much, and hang out with the ones who support me, and comfort me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Out in the Sticks
Posts: 1,788
Get a RX for some Zoloft ,it actually works for depression -as intended .
Drinking sucks for numbing out ,If I ever have to go through bad times again ,and think of becoming a drunk ,Ill get to the doc and get some Zoloft .
Drinking sucks for numbing out ,If I ever have to go through bad times again ,and think of becoming a drunk ,Ill get to the doc and get some Zoloft .
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere else
Posts: 395
21 is young, I agree, but I got married at 21 and it probably saved my life. I was headed down a very dangerous road when we met... probably would have been the beginning of a very alcoholic life. I didn't start the serious drinking again until I was 38 years old and because of him I have managed to get back on track. He saved my life back then and now he has saved me from myself once again with his love and support. We almost got divorced over my drinking, but he promised that if we did he will still always love and support me no matter what because I am the love of his life as he is mine. We have worked it out for now because it is too hard for us to give it all up. I have been sober for about 7 1/2 months and I know if I f*** up again I could lose him forever.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
