tld0818

Hello,
I'm new to the site. And brand new to admitting I'm an alcoholic and need to stop drinking completely! I can't try moderation it doesn't work. If I have one drink I'll be blacked out by the time the nights out for sure. Its been progressive and I'm a functioning alcoholic. I get to work everyday and never drink during the day but up until last night I was up to a 6 pack of beer and almost a pint of brandy 7 nights a week. I forget what I said, how I got to bed (if I made it there at all) what I posted on FB, I even have had to ask my husband if we were intimate! Ugh I'm disgusted with myself and hope I stay strong and in this path to take back control of my life. I think the hardest part is going to be that my husband is an alcoholic too as heavily as I am. And he has no desire to stop or slow down. Anyone else dealing with that?

Dee74

A lot of people here deal with that tld.
Maybe you need more sober support?

Coming here is a good start

D

jutam

I couldn't have got sober living with a drinker. I would have needed to leave the relationship. It would make alcohol too accessible on the days I was struggling. Hats off to the people who can. I wont have it in the house.

good luck to you I hope you find some pearls of wisdom that help

tld0818

I really don't think for me it being in the house or accessible will be a problem but I think the problem will be that getting drunk at night together has become the common bond between us. Its been our only connection lately. I'm afraid that we won't have any bond now as I try and find other things to do to occupy my mind and get healthy. I'm just hoping that he will see how much better it can be and want to make the change too eventually. But either way I have to stay strong and do it for ME. And not let him sabotage it to keep me in the cycle we are in right now. I know he is going to think stopping completely is extreme but I know its the only way.

Tamerua

Stop for you and don't worry about your bond for now. I know that sounds cold but this could be your life. Recovery is a selfish cure, but it is great because it teaches us to care for ourselves, set boundaries and that we can't change others.

Keep posting here too!

LSC1

It is possible to stop drinking and stay sober when living with a heavy drinker. I was my hubby's drinking partner for over 20 years.

It is difficult though. I needed to find distractions especially during the times I used to drink ... SR chat and reading the forums proved to be a perfect distraction.

I took up some new hobbies and did some short term training. This got me out of the house a couple of times a week during those early months.

I have made a concerted effort to connect up with some female friends. I found I had isolated myself from friendships.

It would probably help to talk with him about how you feel .. (I didn't talk to my hubby)

Exercise is important as it helps you feel good about yourself and of course is a good stress reliever.

Goodluck

Take Care

Post heaps

Come join us in chat

tld0818

Thanks LSC1! How do I join chats?

icandoallthings

Hi tld I'm in exactly the same boat. Today is my day 1 (again). My husband is an alcoholic too and not interested in quitting any time soon either. We have been married for 20 years and have spent every single night drinking together. I just have to have faith that there's more to us than our alcoholism. It IS hard to pass up that first drink, but once I start to actually see how he changes throughout the evening, it's easier not to drink that night. It's just that first one that's so hard ....for me anyway.

LSC1

tld

On the top left hand coner of this page next to "log out" is the link "chat rooms". Enter 'chat room float" .... see you there

I also found it important to find a nice soft drink ... and make sure you ALWAYS have some cold in the fridge .. because i know when I am hot and thirsty am at risk of having one of his beers ... and I rarely drank beer.

Cheers

yoohoo

Im doing it with a partner who keeps drinking. Im day 81. I am pretty sure it's harder, but I don't have anything to compare it too, so can't be sure. I need to sort my self out, not him.

Hooped

I'm 22 days sober and my wife still drinks, although not up to what my own previous levels were.

It doesn't bother me. I can't control her. But I can control myself.

I do find though, when the evening rolls around and she begins her nightly session, I just escape alone to the serenity of my downstairs studio.

I really don't want to be around her watching while she is busy getting loaded.

My hope is that she notices the positive changes in me and decides she might like that for herself too.

Not holding my breath on that though.

Doug39

For years I used what you said here as one of my excuses to continue drinking.

I drank everyday for 25 years, 19 of those years with my wife. Today I am 65 days sober. My wife continues to drink everyday. It was tough during the beginning of my sobriety but it's not too bad now.

I had to get sober for me and yes when my wife gets loaded I usually just go do something else. I don't know what the future will hold but if she can't be with a non drinker so be it.

wolfpackfan45

My son is an alcoholic and has been sober for 11 months now. His college roommate drinks and has alcohol in the house. I don't like it, but he's managed to remain sober despite the fact that he has access to it. He tells me it doesn't really matter because he can just go out and buy it anyway if he wants it. Makes sense in a way. Same as smoking. I smoked for 30 years but quit even though my husband still smokes.

Klp9999

My hubby is a alcholic I have been sober around 8 months I have not kept good track of my months. At first it was hard I almost hated him but deep down I knew it was me changing and wanting to drink that made me hate him.
I knew for the grandkids and myself I had to get sober. So instead of drinking with him I would climb in bed at 8 with a bottle of water and a book and read. After about 4 months or less I realized I was sleeping again and my mind did not scream for a drink. We get along again and I don't see a divorce down the road but I reAlly wish he would stop drinking.

What's scary is I never realized when we went out to dinner he would have those supper large glasses of beer one right after another a couple of shots to then drive us home drunk!
Now I drive.
I worry about his health.

Edit: mentioning or talking to him about drinking can cause a hell of a fight. Pointing out to him that others are guzzling alcohol with their dinner does no good either. I do mention to him daily how good I feel how free I feel not having to be tied to a bottle. I drank straight vodka for 15 years.

Susan2984

My hubby doesn't drink and never really has after watching his mother drink herself into a stupor every night of his childhood. He does smoke weed recreationally (which doesn't bother me) so sometimes in the evening when he smokes to unwind and I'm not having my usual glass of wine it feels "weird." Since I have stopped drinking though he has cut back on his smoking too so I suppose it's good for him as well

w2r

My wife drinks a couple bottles of wine every night.
I don't like it. I don't feel I can say anything as it hasn't been long since I was doing the same thing. Who am I to criticize??
I think of an airplane, where the oxygen fails.
You are supposed to put on the mask and save yourself first, then you will be able to offer assistance to others.
I think it takes a while to be sure you have saved yourself. A few months???
I am new at this too.