ME - My Explanation
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 15
ME - My Explanation
Hello
I am quite new here and i would like to begin with a few details about why i am here. For about 10 years now i have struggle with alcohol abuse. It has consistently gotten worse over the years. I am a single mother of twin boys. Their father is around in their lives and i do have a boyfriend, but my sons and i live alone. It has taken many years for me to be very open with my family and close friends. I have googled and searched for online support for years. Something that is easy to use and user friendly. Some where i can vent and talk without leaving my house. I think i have found the place. If you have any questions please feel free to ask me. I am not going to spill my entire life story out in this one thread, but i do want to learn about you all, in order to help myself as well, and in return i hope to help you any way i can.
My drinking began casually as a teenager, it made me feel relaxed and easier to mingle with the crowd. It made me feel like guys were more attracted to me. I then began to defend myself and say i was in my party stage in life. I was 19 and having a blast. However, i was actually having blackouts quite often. Not cool. Over the next few years, i went to college and worked full time. I have always been functional for the most part.. Then i met my ex fiance and got pregnant with twins to our surprise. I always knew in my gut that relationship would not work out. But i stayed and tried my best despite what he believes to this day. I drank every night after the babies were in bed because i was so unhappy with him and myself. I later found out he had cheated and lied to me the entire relationship. I can sit here and blame myself by saying he had every right to cheat and lie because i was an alcoholic. But, the rational side of me knows he just wasnt my true love. Because a true love would confront me and want to be there by my side through all of it, instead of walking away. Out of their own free will. And i have found that in my boyfriend. I will later in another thread talk about him.
September 2 2013 was my first day/night sober. I have tried quitting before but this time is different. How different you must be wondering? I am more honest and open this time that i have in my entire adult life. Im tired of carrying the secret and burden. I am tired of feeling like im the only black sheep in the world and feeling alone. i am tired of feeling ashamed when i should be feeling strong enough to get through this disease. Writing is a passion of mine. I feel that beginning to write my feelings out like i am now, can help me heal, and if i can bring anyone along with me for the ride, than i will be grateful. I has been 8 days now. I went a month without a drink last year, but i intend to go longer. My under eye bags are gone. I dont stress over smelling like wine, I feel more open with my family and my boyfriend. I am enjoying sleep more. But, this is just the beginning because i have another issue that rides along with this one. Thank you for those have taken time out of your day to read what i have to say. If you are reading this than you are one of the first to hear me "publicly" say i have a problem and im looking for answers.
I am quite new here and i would like to begin with a few details about why i am here. For about 10 years now i have struggle with alcohol abuse. It has consistently gotten worse over the years. I am a single mother of twin boys. Their father is around in their lives and i do have a boyfriend, but my sons and i live alone. It has taken many years for me to be very open with my family and close friends. I have googled and searched for online support for years. Something that is easy to use and user friendly. Some where i can vent and talk without leaving my house. I think i have found the place. If you have any questions please feel free to ask me. I am not going to spill my entire life story out in this one thread, but i do want to learn about you all, in order to help myself as well, and in return i hope to help you any way i can.
My drinking began casually as a teenager, it made me feel relaxed and easier to mingle with the crowd. It made me feel like guys were more attracted to me. I then began to defend myself and say i was in my party stage in life. I was 19 and having a blast. However, i was actually having blackouts quite often. Not cool. Over the next few years, i went to college and worked full time. I have always been functional for the most part.. Then i met my ex fiance and got pregnant with twins to our surprise. I always knew in my gut that relationship would not work out. But i stayed and tried my best despite what he believes to this day. I drank every night after the babies were in bed because i was so unhappy with him and myself. I later found out he had cheated and lied to me the entire relationship. I can sit here and blame myself by saying he had every right to cheat and lie because i was an alcoholic. But, the rational side of me knows he just wasnt my true love. Because a true love would confront me and want to be there by my side through all of it, instead of walking away. Out of their own free will. And i have found that in my boyfriend. I will later in another thread talk about him.
September 2 2013 was my first day/night sober. I have tried quitting before but this time is different. How different you must be wondering? I am more honest and open this time that i have in my entire adult life. Im tired of carrying the secret and burden. I am tired of feeling like im the only black sheep in the world and feeling alone. i am tired of feeling ashamed when i should be feeling strong enough to get through this disease. Writing is a passion of mine. I feel that beginning to write my feelings out like i am now, can help me heal, and if i can bring anyone along with me for the ride, than i will be grateful. I has been 8 days now. I went a month without a drink last year, but i intend to go longer. My under eye bags are gone. I dont stress over smelling like wine, I feel more open with my family and my boyfriend. I am enjoying sleep more. But, this is just the beginning because i have another issue that rides along with this one. Thank you for those have taken time out of your day to read what i have to say. If you are reading this than you are one of the first to hear me "publicly" say i have a problem and im looking for answers.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Mankato, MN
Posts: 14
Mandy Marie I very much identify with your story, and I am just getting started in really trying to quit drinking. I also lost my husband because of my drinking, although it wasn't that great a relationship to begin with. Luckily I did not have children with him - in part because I didn't really want to give up smoking and drinking. He too walked away instead of working with me through trying to solve the problem. Don't get me wrong, I completely blame myself and the remorse is very hard to live with, as is the loneliness since I have moved across the country to a new state where I have no family and have made only a few friends. I have also always been pretty functional, although I am missing work today because of what I hope will be my last weekend binge. I totally understand where you are coming from. Please feel free to message me if you would like to talk further.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 15
Hello St pattys girl
thank you for your support. Let me explain that we should NOT hold ourselves accountable for them choosing their actions. I left my ex because he couldnt stop lying. My drinking ofcourse did not help. However, it still does not give them the right to give up on us. Or does it? I guess it does give them a right to choose whatever they want to choose and feel. But my ex was cheating on me the whole relationship. Cheating is a choice not a mistake. drinking is a choice, but alcoholism is a disease. You see what i mean? I hope you are fed up with your drinking as much as i am. I have missed work before as well. I have had a week off, and tomorrow i go back. Im hoping they will notice a difference in 8 days. However, they will not know why as im quite private especially at work. But i planned this week off to be sober and with my sons while they start another year in school.
thank you for your support. Let me explain that we should NOT hold ourselves accountable for them choosing their actions. I left my ex because he couldnt stop lying. My drinking ofcourse did not help. However, it still does not give them the right to give up on us. Or does it? I guess it does give them a right to choose whatever they want to choose and feel. But my ex was cheating on me the whole relationship. Cheating is a choice not a mistake. drinking is a choice, but alcoholism is a disease. You see what i mean? I hope you are fed up with your drinking as much as i am. I have missed work before as well. I have had a week off, and tomorrow i go back. Im hoping they will notice a difference in 8 days. However, they will not know why as im quite private especially at work. But i planned this week off to be sober and with my sons while they start another year in school.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Hi again Mandymarie 
I found the support here was really a game changer for me - it meant so mcuh to me that people understood and I wasn't alone.
so please, post as much as you feel you need to...I credit SR with helping me become the person I wanted to be
D
I found the support here was really a game changer for me - it meant so mcuh to me that people understood and I wasn't alone.
so please, post as much as you feel you need to...I credit SR with helping me become the person I wanted to be
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 540
Hello neighbour! (I'm in Alberta.) congratulations on 8 days of sobriety! That is an achievement to be proud of. You have made a great decision and a great first step in finding sober recovery and posting here. This is a wonderful place and ther is always someone here to listen and encourage.
I recently celebrated a year of sobriety. I absolutely could not have done that alone. I went to AA meetings daily for three months, and if I missed a meeting day and I went twice the next day. I still go to meetings lots. When not at a meeting or at work, I was pretty much constantly on this forum. It was so amazingly encouraging and comforting to know I was not alone in my struggle.
I kept a journal. You m etioned you liked to write. Me too! I hope you find writing about your sober journey helpful and therapeutic.
Another thing I found helpful was focusing on my health. I never really liked to cook, but I bought a bunch of cookbooks and prepared nutritious meals for myself. I don't know about you, but my diet was pretty poor, and I'd often go a whole weekend consuming only alcohol. Bleak. It felt good to nourish my body with good food.
I also read a ton of books on alcoholism and recovery. "Drinking, A Love Story," by Caroline Knapp is my favorite. Also, AA literature, such as the "Big Book." along with reading, I watched recovery movies like "28 days" with Sandra Bullock.
So basically what I'm saying is that I focused all my energy and attention on recovery! I made recovery the number one top priority in my life. These are just a few thoughts and suggestions for you. I do recommend checking out AA, or another face to face recovery group.
Ok, I'm sounding all perfect now. I must add, in early recovery, I smoked a ton of cigarettes, drank gallons of coffee, and went through a phase where I couldn't eat enough candy. Lol. But i still felt a million times more energetic and healthier than I did when I was drinking. It sounds like you are also experiencing the positive health benefits as well. It only gets better!
You can do this! Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.
I recently celebrated a year of sobriety. I absolutely could not have done that alone. I went to AA meetings daily for three months, and if I missed a meeting day and I went twice the next day. I still go to meetings lots. When not at a meeting or at work, I was pretty much constantly on this forum. It was so amazingly encouraging and comforting to know I was not alone in my struggle.
I kept a journal. You m etioned you liked to write. Me too! I hope you find writing about your sober journey helpful and therapeutic.
Another thing I found helpful was focusing on my health. I never really liked to cook, but I bought a bunch of cookbooks and prepared nutritious meals for myself. I don't know about you, but my diet was pretty poor, and I'd often go a whole weekend consuming only alcohol. Bleak. It felt good to nourish my body with good food.
I also read a ton of books on alcoholism and recovery. "Drinking, A Love Story," by Caroline Knapp is my favorite. Also, AA literature, such as the "Big Book." along with reading, I watched recovery movies like "28 days" with Sandra Bullock.
So basically what I'm saying is that I focused all my energy and attention on recovery! I made recovery the number one top priority in my life. These are just a few thoughts and suggestions for you. I do recommend checking out AA, or another face to face recovery group.
Ok, I'm sounding all perfect now. I must add, in early recovery, I smoked a ton of cigarettes, drank gallons of coffee, and went through a phase where I couldn't eat enough candy. Lol. But i still felt a million times more energetic and healthier than I did when I was drinking. It sounds like you are also experiencing the positive health benefits as well. It only gets better!
You can do this! Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
mandymarie,
hello from Vancouver
congratulations on your decision to do something about your problem and on starting your second sober week!
what helped me was to join an on line forum, where i participated daily (for me, that was the Lifering forum), being lucky enough to have a LR face-to face meeting available once a week, reading lots and lots of other's experiences in books and thinking about what they were saying and the different views and ways, looking at my own experiences with getting drunk when i had decided not to...those kinds of things.
if there's any specific feedback you want, ask! ask about anything you want to know, and likely you'll get several responses. not all of which you might like
good to see you here.
hello from Vancouver
congratulations on your decision to do something about your problem and on starting your second sober week!
what helped me was to join an on line forum, where i participated daily (for me, that was the Lifering forum), being lucky enough to have a LR face-to face meeting available once a week, reading lots and lots of other's experiences in books and thinking about what they were saying and the different views and ways, looking at my own experiences with getting drunk when i had decided not to...those kinds of things.
if there's any specific feedback you want, ask! ask about anything you want to know, and likely you'll get several responses. not all of which you might like
good to see you here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 15
thank you fini and sobersunshine! fellow canadians!
I really feel better coming here. For so many years i have felt so alone and ashamed. Everytime i slipped that bottle of wine in my purse to hide it from family, i felt ashamed and guilty. Having people here who understand is a great feeling and i believe this will help me without a doubt. THANK YOU! questions? ask me!
I really feel better coming here. For so many years i have felt so alone and ashamed. Everytime i slipped that bottle of wine in my purse to hide it from family, i felt ashamed and guilty. Having people here who understand is a great feeling and i believe this will help me without a doubt. THANK YOU! questions? ask me!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 540
Mandymarie, I too felt ashamed. Ashamed of drinking in the morning just so I could start the day, ashamed that I couldn't function without alcohol... Shame shame shame... It would just lead me to drink more. Well, you have nothing to be ashamed of. It's an accepted medical fact that alcoholism is a disease. There is no shame in having a disease. As it happens, it is a disease that we can control. (control isn't quite the right word I want, but I can't think of a better one at the moment.) let go of the shame! And no need to feel alone anymore. There are lots and lots and lots of us who are going through or have gone through the same thing.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,649
Mandy Marie it is good to meet you. Congratulations on 8 days sober. You are doing great. I come here often and this is my only support. I do go to meetings here Tuesday and Friday. They are very helpful and I love the chat room. I am 64 days sober and loving it. I drank for 30 years and I hated the drunk that I was, I love the person I am, I always knew I was a good person, just not when I was drunk. It feels so good to be free of alcohol. I wish you well on your journey and I am here for you. SR is a great place for support and understanding. Welcome to SR and I am so glad you found us.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
Welcome!
8 days is great! So happy for you! You have been through a lot and deserve happiness!
Today is my day one. I've had a few of them but things are drastically different now. I look forward to hearing some more about your journey!
8 days is great! So happy for you! You have been through a lot and deserve happiness!
Today is my day one. I've had a few of them but things are drastically different now. I look forward to hearing some more about your journey!
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