wakko

I drank alone because people that loved me screwed up my drinking.

hypochondriac

Gosh, I was your post actually gave me happy thoughts about drinking. I loved drinking alone. Drinking with others was a pain as I would often have to slow down and being prone to worrying what others think of me drinking alone was the safer option. Even my heavy drinking friends thought I was a heavy drinker. I like what Dee said about it being the ultimate indulgence though. I didn't wallow in pity while I was drinking alone, it was a party, but one which I completely controlled. I guess maybe I am too selfish to be around other people. Now I love being alone sober...

MattyBoy

Yah I relate. I also think its one of the many paradoxes of alcohol. On the one hand it's a very social drug and as a result is socially encouraged etc, but drinking alone to get drunk is perhaps the most poignant symbol of pure isolation and anti sociability

dotboston

By the end, I had to drink all day.

That of course mandated drinking alone... Waking up at night, swigging vodka, hoping to pass out a few more hours knowing you had to make it into work the next day.

Sheer hell.

sunset01

I wanted to be alone, I couldn't wait for my children to go to bed so I could "relax" sometimes I didn't even wait and once that first drink hit my lips I didn't stop until whenever it was that I got up and I could barely stand straight, realise just how drunk I was and go to bed, pass out. I didn't want anything coming between me and my "me" time. What a joke. I wanted to be alone so I could get plastered. End of Story.

silentrun

I didn't want anyone to see me drunk. I didn't have to worry about getting home or people noticing. Toward the end I only wanted to drink whiskey cokes in one specific chair.

Zebra1275

Man, this thread sounds like the George Thorogood song "I drink alone."

I was a social drinker around others, I did my heavy drinking alone, or as the song goes "Yeah, you know when I drink alone, I prefer to be by myself."

Deep down I knew I was an alcoholic, but thought that some day I would get over it, like I'm going to drink until I'm 40 then quit. Once I hit 40 the quitting target moved to 41, then 42, etc.

The only good thing about drinking alone was that I stayed home and didn't drive. Also, when I eventually got sober I didn't have to give up any drinking buddies since I didn't have any.

rubbersoul

I did the same thing. I would prefer to drink alone and listen to music. It was only myself I was making a fool in front of instead of other people...

trent333

Oh ya we often love drinking alone. Like has been said when you drink all day you must drink alone sometimes. I also live alone so that made it super easy to do. Having my home theatre man cave/beer tavern set up was a dream for the alone drinker. 60" of 1080p bliss so that you can watch it with blurry vision....... made sense at the time to me. I did some of my heaviest drinking alone. Terrible and dangerous behaviour without a doubt.

Melbadaze

I'm an introvert. I compensate or did when drinking by living in fantasy. When I drank it increased the fantasys. I could be more loving, more clever, more whatever. When I was in people's company I felt disillusioned.
I've had to work on separating fantasy from reality.

Bluebird1927

When I was single nOthing pleased me more than locking myself away with my Xbox and a shed load off lager. Now I've a great missus I struggle socially but know that if anything ever went wrong between us the solitary drinking days are just around the corner. Me, lager and one room meant no responsibilities

rockindog

I am a loner. I cherish my alone drinking. Safe at home. No driving. No interaction with others. Sleep when I want to. Eat when I want to. Seems good, but it isn't.

Warhawk

Oh yeah. Pull my truck out into a bean field or the woods and drink, listen to music and talk to myself. "Solving the world's problems". That was my normal.
Of course, it only became my normal when my "drinking buddies" quit answering my calls and when my family started telling me I had a problem.

selfsabotage

no judgment - no shame.

realizingtruth

drinking alone brought a false sense of comfort and relief -- I can just be "me" and do this while no one sees the inevitable negatives that come along with it. it is incredibly dangerous.

forabetterlife

I guess I would drink alone from time to time starting in my early 20's, but really most of my drinking was social up until 10 years ago when I moved to another state and away from my drinking friends. My boyfriend at that time caught on to my drinking pretty quickly and called me out on it. So, then I began to hide it ..bad. In my kids' closets, the garage, the trunk of my car. He would often find them and I'd be terribly ashamed. When that relationship ended and I could be "free" to drink whenever I wanted again, drinking alone was mostly the only way I drank, with exceptions like holidays or vacations with my old friends. Drinking alone seemed to "help" me escape from boredom and monotony. I could clean the house, or just sit on the couch and watch tv and not have to deal with anything, just kind of zone out. And, of course, I could drink as much as I wanted. When I did drink in public, I always had to watch not only how much, but my behavior..was I slurring or acting stupid? I definately preferred to drink alone, as pathetic as that sounds. My own little secret, like I was getting away with something. Addiction is scary and illogical.

DarkDespair

Hi Smalltowngirl,

I can totally relate to this. In the end I would always prefer it to get drunk on my own, for various reasons. I've never been a party person, but I used to have friends to hang out and get drunk with. They became fewer and fewer and my drinking got worse. Actually I started drinking beer on my own when I was about 18, so that accelerated my alcohol addiction by miles. A big reason was that drinking alone would enable me to listen to the music I wanted to for hours and hours and feel like I was in a world of my own, a world of self-pity, self-loathing, cynicism and hopelessness. I somehow enjoyed being in that hole and sinking further and further into the mire, it was were I felt at home and comfortable, it was all I knew in the end. Another point - in the end I always ended up blacking out and not remembering the crap I had been rambling about, a lot of fantasy talk and drunken **** sometimes, so drinking alone was a great way of avoiding unpleasent situations or questions from people, but like I said, in the end there was nobody to hang around with, so it was drinking alone anyway. Way to ruin your life, and I'm just 22.

Lindsaysg13

I can relate. At the end when it started to get pretty bad, I liked to drink alone so my husband wouldn't criticize me on how much I drank or hide the bottle from me. I started keeping a mason jar filled with vodka in my nightstand or a bottle or two hidden under the bed that my husband didn't know about so I could drink how much I wanted when I wanted. I even started drinking as early as 6 in the morning to keep me drunk and it was when my husband left for PT.

Kza

What else would you need? Just me and alcohol, oh and the tv or the Internet, why complicate things by going out.

courage2

I did almost all of my drinking alone. Partly, I needed to hide how much I drank, and partly no one I knew could keep up with me. Mostly, I just wanted to be isolated within and from myself. I didn't drink to fantasize, socialize, enjoy music, or enjoy myself. I drank to make time and the world pass away -- Oblivion.