lost....Again.........I guess
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 13
lost....Again.........I guess
Wanna quit. Gotta quit....But dunno where to begin again. I've had a few weeks or so of sobriety under my belt here and there throughout the nearly 10 years. Heck, even a few months once upon a time or thrice, and man, I was on top of the world.
Then....
Coming clean, I don't really have access/ability to go into a rehab/detox facility. I have no transportation. NONE other than EMT. Noone I trust that can do so...family too far spread out and ABSOLUTELY ZERO friends to speak of anywhere other than said family. I'm alone aside from my mother, who deserves more than a drunk to keep her watch. justa one soul watchful eye here. I am prescribed pretty much everything (Ativan, diaz, etc) that I would get at a place like rehab tho due to other crap that plagues me......guess that helps? Don't use those while drinking at all, but will run out of booze tomorrow sometime. Feeling REALLY angry right now for no reason. Yet hopeful for the benzo's job and the detox to come.....yet gotta wait till the beast is all out first before trying that yet again..
Sorry, this makes zero sense I know. And am sorry to drunk ramble. Just in a lost dark place right now. I have felt the light and want that again, but damn this beast once more. Why must something I know hurts so much be so hard to let go of? Its not like its actually a friend.
Not looking forward to the crazy vivid dreams that make no sense (don't watch king of the hill too much lol
), the probable skin itch and/or rapid heartbeat, or that damn "zombie effect", but do know it'll hopefully pass in a four/five day span.....good (bad?) news is I have no means to any alcohol for at least a week....not that I want it.....right now (right now needs to become longer). I know its bad to "go it alone at home"..... but having the meds handy, and someone just in case is somewhat comforting.
To end it, this trigger today was getting put on a new pill called "Seroquel". Ah, the excuses and this head 'o mine.........didn't take it yet though. Drank and too worried
sigh.....sorry for typos
Then....
Coming clean, I don't really have access/ability to go into a rehab/detox facility. I have no transportation. NONE other than EMT. Noone I trust that can do so...family too far spread out and ABSOLUTELY ZERO friends to speak of anywhere other than said family. I'm alone aside from my mother, who deserves more than a drunk to keep her watch. justa one soul watchful eye here. I am prescribed pretty much everything (Ativan, diaz, etc) that I would get at a place like rehab tho due to other crap that plagues me......guess that helps? Don't use those while drinking at all, but will run out of booze tomorrow sometime. Feeling REALLY angry right now for no reason. Yet hopeful for the benzo's job and the detox to come.....yet gotta wait till the beast is all out first before trying that yet again..
Sorry, this makes zero sense I know. And am sorry to drunk ramble. Just in a lost dark place right now. I have felt the light and want that again, but damn this beast once more. Why must something I know hurts so much be so hard to let go of? Its not like its actually a friend.
Not looking forward to the crazy vivid dreams that make no sense (don't watch king of the hill too much lol
), the probable skin itch and/or rapid heartbeat, or that damn "zombie effect", but do know it'll hopefully pass in a four/five day span.....good (bad?) news is I have no means to any alcohol for at least a week....not that I want it.....right now (right now needs to become longer). I know its bad to "go it alone at home"..... but having the meds handy, and someone just in case is somewhat comforting.To end it, this trigger today was getting put on a new pill called "Seroquel". Ah, the excuses and this head 'o mine.........didn't take it yet though. Drank and too worried
sigh.....sorry for typos
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Have you ever tried face to face support like a recovery group (AA or something else) or counselling Starshadow?
Sometimes it helps to take with and share with people who understand?
D
Sometimes it helps to take with and share with people who understand?
D
Extremely paranoid. EXTREMELY
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
well, you'll find support here.
You might want to check out online meetings too - most of the recovery groups have those now
Hopefully you'll find yourself a little less anxious and paranoid with a little sober time, like I did
D
You might want to check out online meetings too - most of the recovery groups have those now
Hopefully you'll find yourself a little less anxious and paranoid with a little sober time, like I did
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: WA
Posts: 891
Hey,
That dark place sounds familiar. I'm sorry for your situation. All I can say that many of us hit our own rock bottom and recovered. It's never easy and I for one don't consider myself special or talented in anyway. I just became willing and honest with myself and gave a spiritual solution a go because I knew nothing else was going to work. I'd already tried.
Keep reading here and reach out as you have done. If you can, is it possible, transport issues aside, that you can admit yourself to a detox program or mental health care until you feel more capable. I can sense from your message that you are in a very vulnerable position. I would only suggest that you pick up the phone and call someone who can best advise on the options available to you.
That dark place sounds familiar. I'm sorry for your situation. All I can say that many of us hit our own rock bottom and recovered. It's never easy and I for one don't consider myself special or talented in anyway. I just became willing and honest with myself and gave a spiritual solution a go because I knew nothing else was going to work. I'd already tried.
Keep reading here and reach out as you have done. If you can, is it possible, transport issues aside, that you can admit yourself to a detox program or mental health care until you feel more capable. I can sense from your message that you are in a very vulnerable position. I would only suggest that you pick up the phone and call someone who can best advise on the options available to you.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Hi SS.
It's sounds as though you're in a pretty desperate place. Coming here is a good start.
I'm sorry about your travel restrictions and what sounds like isolation from help.
When I was at my lowest point and had no plans to get treatment (which was readily available to me), I would call suicide hotlines (though I wasn't particularly suicidal) and depression hotlines. Being connected in that way to caring people helped get me through many a desperate hour.
Stay connected here, and make an effort to reach out with your phone. You can also call AA and speak with someone. A comforting presence can make all the difference in the world. And it only takes a phone call. Who knows? Maybe someone you speak with can actually help with you with transportation?
It's sounds as though you're in a pretty desperate place. Coming here is a good start.
I'm sorry about your travel restrictions and what sounds like isolation from help.
When I was at my lowest point and had no plans to get treatment (which was readily available to me), I would call suicide hotlines (though I wasn't particularly suicidal) and depression hotlines. Being connected in that way to caring people helped get me through many a desperate hour.
Stay connected here, and make an effort to reach out with your phone. You can also call AA and speak with someone. A comforting presence can make all the difference in the world. And it only takes a phone call. Who knows? Maybe someone you speak with can actually help with you with transportation?
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