pinktee18

For some reason I'm kind of mourning the fact that I won't be able to have another drink again. As unimportant as it sounds its the realization that I'm not like others and I can't just hit up the bar on the weekend like I used to. I'm a 24 year social female for the most part and I'm in the early stages of sobriety so it's just something I've thought about.

SoberCouch

The same thing happened to me when I first got sober. I felt like I was loosing a friend. Unfortunately, that friend progressed into a monster and eventually turned on me. I had to walk away, so I could become happy joyous and free.

I can tell you that those feelings didn't last long for me. They passed, as every other uncomfortable situation has. Attending tons of meetings, keeping in constant contact with my sponsor, friends in AA and my higher power, I no longer miss that old friend anymore.

tootsl1

It is a genuine grief I felt, once I had accepted that my closest friend the bottle was no longer in my life. I doesn't matter that the friend is bad for you, you still miss them. Allow the grief, work it through let go and move forward. It is all part of the process.

pinktee18

Thank you I was worried this post sounded silly because I know it's not important its just what your used to and you have to find new things to do.

SoberCouch

It's not silly at all. I think most go through this process as they become sober.

As you progress more into recovery, you will find your life more full than it ever was before. At least I did. I find ways to keep busy, busy and more busy.

Jfanagle

I read your post and wanted to pass on the manner in which I have handled sobriety from day one to today some 5,000 days later. Please bear in mind this was what I did and it may or may not be of any value to you.

I have never told myself that "I won't be able to have another drink again" it sounded too final and I have never done well with absolutes. Instead I used the maxim of AA as just not today, if I wanted to tomorrow, but so far tomorrow has never come. In fact I have been saving "tomorrow" these last 14 years, but I am a procrastinator and as such just never have gotten around to drinking. When at parties, or dinners and even bars and asked if I want a drink my response is usually, "no thanks I am not drinking today."

Somehow for me this attitude has allowed me to frequent any venue that I had a good reason to be present at. That has and does include social events in bars, private parties and many places where alcohol is being served. Since I know that I am not drinking today and I am at these places today, it follows that I won't be drinking while I am here.
My wife is a part of the entertainment community in Hollywood and we attend a great many social functions where alcohol is a major part of the ritual so for me it was necessary to have a method that allows me to be present and support her and doesn't make my abstinence a problem for me. This works for me and in fact it would surprise you some of the people who I have chatted with about my "not drinking" and listened to these folks talk about their "drinking difficulties."

I echo SoberCouch, "you will find your life more full than it ever was before."

Best wishes,

Jon

TDInstall

Right, first of all, very very well done for making the absolutely correct decision to stop drinking at such a young age. I am 10 years older than you, and only quit last year when I was 33. Wish I had done it younger, as I feel I missed out on a lot of things due to the drinking.

Secondly, the only thing you are feeling here is 'separation anxiety'. This is the exact same thing you feel when you split up with a partner, and is merely an evolutionary function of your brain which was originally developed to make humans crave a partner, and therefore continue the species, being misfired into your desire for alcohol by the addiction. It will pass, but take a fair amount of time. Get through it, knowing that it is just a trick of the mind and nothing more.

Hevyn

Well at least you didn't go into your 50's still insisting you could control it (like me). It was the fear of grieving it that kept me trying to moderate. I couldn't imagine letting go of something I'd clung to for so many years. The destruction and devastation I caused myself & others was shameful - and so unnecessary. I commend you pinktee - and all the young people who have the courage to change.

zjw

yeah it was like my best friend had died or someone had amputated my right arm. Part of me was gone forever i'd never get to see my best friend again life would never be the same Oh my friggen god. I shoulda bought a dang casket for a case of beer had a proper funeral and built a shrine to later worship it at with how much I idolized it. But unlikes a real friend over time you realize you dont really miss it so much and it was never really that great of a friend and guess what your right arm is still there and no part of you is missing matter of fact you discover parts of you that you didnt even know where there or had long ago forgotten. You pretty much find a whole new you which is sorta like a new suprise every day getting to know yourself.

Dee74

Alcohol was the longest relationship of my life. It's natural to mourn even a toxic relationship...just remember the reality...don't think of it too fondly pinktee.

D

Happier

Hi Pinktee. I think it is very common and I too experienced something similar. Read plenty of other similar accounts on here as well. Sounds like a common feeling that is good to recognize, consider and discuss. Sort of turns it into a stepping stone or growth opportunity, I think.

In my case, I eventually started to miss that alcohol friend less and less. He slowly faded away as I started to rediscover my old sober life again. My old pre-drinking life, with its joy, peace and contentment is a a welcome friend indeed! Glad to slowly be getting to know him again.

pinkdog

Hi pinktee, Many people I had talked to also say that. It's like losing a constant companion. Some even say best friend. It becomes such a part of life. I would have to say frenemy. I'm over 3 years sober and sometimes I still shake my head and think "I haven't had a beer". I believe you will find so many better things to fill the time.

Nuudawn

I too pretty much adopted a similar philosophy as Jon. I don't think about tomorrow. I stay in my present and I can only commit to "not drinking right now". It's a bit of a mind trick I play with myself because I know I have difficulty with "commitment". It takes me forever to hang pictures on the wall cuz for some reason that seems like some sort of commitment that requires much deliberation before I will commit to where. Ya, ya..I got issues.
But it works for me..cuz well, it's pretty much always "now".

Threshold

For me it's not so much "I can't ever have a drink again"

It's more like "Whoo hoo, I don't ever NEED a drink again!"

I am free of the compulsive, terrifying, screaming, NEED for a drink or drug. No longer controlled by that.

My world blossoms with opportunity and freedom because I am no longer controlled by addiction.

Of course it's not always Sunshine and roses, but I'd always much rather not HAVE to have a drink, that to feel like I need one the way I need oxygen.

LadyBug66

Wow, this post really hit home with me! I am on day 14 of no alcohol. I too feel as if I have lost a friend. It was the "friend" I hung out with and did things with in the evening. Just me and my drink.

DoubleBarrel

Mourning for me was me feeling sorry for myself, and sadly, it meant that I was not done drinking.

By the time I finally quit THIS TIME, I no longer mourned the loss of what alcohol was to me. It had so long ago stopped being anything fun or helpful, that by the time I finally quit AGAIN, it was like pulling a knife out of my back. It hurt, and took a long time to heal, but I am glad its gone.

Im not saying that you have to reach this point, but at least for me, mourning the loss of alcohol meant that in my mind, it was still worth it, it worked on some level, and I really wasn't done yet.

I sincerely hope that isnt the case for you.

One thing that has really helped me is seeing newcomers in AA meetings. Wow does that bring back the raw feeling of the hell I went through. The human mind is amazing at forgetting the bad. Its an evolutionary coping mechanism. Thats why the good old days really weren't. They just seem like it.

If we didnt cope this way, we could be crushed by all of the heartache, pain and loss in our lives. Things have to fade.

LadyBug66

I still have those raw feelings but it's getting so much better. I watch the sunset every night and rise every morning and remember it. When I do this I remind myself of what I would be missing if I was drunk. I still feel lost without my drink but it is getting a little better everyday.

zjw

sooner or later your new normal no longer includes a drink. thats a really awesome thing when you realize your no longer a slave to the bottle. Just gotta break the chains.

EndGameNYC

Hi pinkee.

Happy that you're sober.

You haven't mentioned anything about treatment for the other problems that have been haunting you. I wonder how all that is going.

Sudz No More

Many of us have felt what you are feeling. It was my best friend for so many years, the one I could rely on, the one that gave me comfort and company, the one that calmed me.

It was only natural to feel a sense of loss without it, almost like losing a loved one. But, much like a bad terminal disease I knew it was for the better that I move on without that best friend. Accept that I can never see them again and be at peace with it.