The journey, so far...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: North of South Dakota
Posts: 86
The journey, so far...
I've been wanting to write on here for the past few weeks now, but every time I start I never know what to say. All of our journeys are separate, and yet, so very much the same. What could I possibly write about that other members on here could learn from? I wanted to write a post both informative and thought provoking. Instead, I've decided to simply write my scattered thoughts down and share.
When I first joined this website at the start of the summer I was determined to kick alcohol from my life. I wanted to begin the process of healing (both physically and mentally). After making a sweeping declaration the very next day my allergies kicked in hardcore. My head was pounding, my cough sounded as of a dying man, and the fatigue made running to the local store unbearable. So for about the next three weeks I didn't drink at all. This was a false victory for me. As soon as my illness cleared up the cravings sunk their teeth in, hard. I have not been able to completely rid alcohol from my life; however, my drinking has gone down a lot—I consider this a partial victory. I usually will spend a few nights on and then a few nights off, which is better than drinking every night.
I have a doctor that I see regularly. I've shared everything with him and he's on board to help monitor my overall wellness for an undetermined amount of time. It's the withdrawal effects that make quitting the hardest. There have been nights where I have absolutely no craving for alcohol but drink anyway because the opposite would be up all night sweating through the bed sheets—cold sweats, the worst. I have also been tossing around the idea of seeing a psychiatrist to help deal with some underlying issues. I'm just not sure if I can afford the extra expense.
My birthday is tomorrow and my emotions are all over the chart. I'm at that stage (I'm sure a lot of you know what I'm talking about) where birthdays are no longer fun. You don't feel like throwing a party. You don't want cake. You don't want to be reminded that you're another year older. Nobody likes growing old...So I've been relatively depressed the past few days, which is not a good place for a heavy drinker to be in. Plus college is starting soon and my anxiety is very high.
In order to distract myself I've taken up marathon TV watching (seriously, how awesome are shows like Breaking Bad and A Game of Thrones! I even enjoyed LOST!). Also, I've given a lot more attention to my apartment. When you're drunk you make a mess. And when you wake up the next day you're too hungover to clean it. Repeat. I've rearranged my whole place, bought a new bed, and even some decorative posters for the walls. The kitchen is well kept, dishes clean, counters wiped. Also, oddly enough, somebody recommended buying a yo-yo to me. This person does not struggle with alcohol problems, but with very heavy anxiety/panic issues. He said he bought one as a stress release. Something you can carry around with you. Something you can do with your hands. So...as silly as this sounds, being a grown man and all...I bought an expensive professional style yo-yo and have been teaching myself how to do a few tricks!
My plan is still the same, to be 100% alcohol free. It's just coming along very slow with little setback after setback. I'm trying to stay positive. I'm putting extra effort as to the places I go and the people I hang out with. I'm drinking less than I had been for years prior; that's a step in the right direction. Hopefully I can reach my goal. This is the journey, so far...
When I first joined this website at the start of the summer I was determined to kick alcohol from my life. I wanted to begin the process of healing (both physically and mentally). After making a sweeping declaration the very next day my allergies kicked in hardcore. My head was pounding, my cough sounded as of a dying man, and the fatigue made running to the local store unbearable. So for about the next three weeks I didn't drink at all. This was a false victory for me. As soon as my illness cleared up the cravings sunk their teeth in, hard. I have not been able to completely rid alcohol from my life; however, my drinking has gone down a lot—I consider this a partial victory. I usually will spend a few nights on and then a few nights off, which is better than drinking every night.
I have a doctor that I see regularly. I've shared everything with him and he's on board to help monitor my overall wellness for an undetermined amount of time. It's the withdrawal effects that make quitting the hardest. There have been nights where I have absolutely no craving for alcohol but drink anyway because the opposite would be up all night sweating through the bed sheets—cold sweats, the worst. I have also been tossing around the idea of seeing a psychiatrist to help deal with some underlying issues. I'm just not sure if I can afford the extra expense.
My birthday is tomorrow and my emotions are all over the chart. I'm at that stage (I'm sure a lot of you know what I'm talking about) where birthdays are no longer fun. You don't feel like throwing a party. You don't want cake. You don't want to be reminded that you're another year older. Nobody likes growing old...So I've been relatively depressed the past few days, which is not a good place for a heavy drinker to be in. Plus college is starting soon and my anxiety is very high.
In order to distract myself I've taken up marathon TV watching (seriously, how awesome are shows like Breaking Bad and A Game of Thrones! I even enjoyed LOST!). Also, I've given a lot more attention to my apartment. When you're drunk you make a mess. And when you wake up the next day you're too hungover to clean it. Repeat. I've rearranged my whole place, bought a new bed, and even some decorative posters for the walls. The kitchen is well kept, dishes clean, counters wiped. Also, oddly enough, somebody recommended buying a yo-yo to me. This person does not struggle with alcohol problems, but with very heavy anxiety/panic issues. He said he bought one as a stress release. Something you can carry around with you. Something you can do with your hands. So...as silly as this sounds, being a grown man and all...I bought an expensive professional style yo-yo and have been teaching myself how to do a few tricks!
My plan is still the same, to be 100% alcohol free. It's just coming along very slow with little setback after setback. I'm trying to stay positive. I'm putting extra effort as to the places I go and the people I hang out with. I'm drinking less than I had been for years prior; that's a step in the right direction. Hopefully I can reach my goal. This is the journey, so far...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 138
Happy birthday! I understand not loving getting older each year, but as my grandfather used to say: It beats the alternative!
It sounds like you have a lot to celebrate this year. I say take the occasion to reflect on your progress. It sounds like you're on the right journey. I wish you well.
It sounds like you have a lot to celebrate this year. I say take the occasion to reflect on your progress. It sounds like you're on the right journey. I wish you well.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Happy Birthday starflyer 
I hope this the year you can make a clean break, leave the booze behind, and turn your life around - doing that was honestly the best birthday present I ever gave myself
D
I hope this the year you can make a clean break, leave the booze behind, and turn your life around - doing that was honestly the best birthday present I ever gave myself
D
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