sweepee

how do you find the strength to get out of this on your own?

i've tried to reach out to my sisters (3) & no, they don't have my back - no response, they won't hold my hand.

ever feel like you are all alone? & on top of this i'm in a marriage i want out of. reached out & shut out of any close moral support...fml

Sudz No More

From my own experience it is a personal journey anyway. You have to want it for yourself first and foremost. No one else is going to matter more. Sure, it can be a nice deterrent to have a support network but nobody close to me was ever enough. It took me going to a counselor to finally get on track which I didn't need family support to do.

Just focus on you, your health matters more than anyone else when it comes down to it.

sweepee

i used to be all about myself & make myself happy...i lost that when i reached out to family for help...said i want out, i want a divorce & he said, first, do you want to wait until your dad dies -wtf, no (but he's died since then) - then, i'll try to do this w/o get'n pissed as he flung a chair ~ and since that i have just sunk deeper in to drink

fini

sweepee,
making yourself happy and taking care of yourself and your safety are two different things.
sounds like right now safety is b number one concern, and without family help you might need to ask strangers. such as a crisis telephone line (lots of good information there, completely confidential), a women's shelter, a neighbour, the police.

sounds like a dangerous place with a guy whose idea of not getting pissed is to throw chairs.

your plate is full, so make sure you look after your safety first and then is the time to chat about the sinking into drinking.
can you stop from sinking, get your head into just a bit of space and see what your options are for being safe first and foremost?

sweepee

thanks fini

i just feel so lost - just me, myself & i...sad but true i don't even have any friends. i've been self employed in a job i do from home for 10+ years (he got me started in it :/)

how do you start a life over on your own alone...i'm not young, knock'n on 50

DylanS

Hi SP,

Man, I'm sorry to hear it's so difficult. Feeling utterly alone and pushing 50, I totally relate to. I have one friend, a good one, who drinks and takes drugs and pretty much follows the "there's a pill for every ill" belief. My marriage is on the rocks, I'm on disability and have to decide what to do about said job within a couple of months, my health is pretty crappy (all my own doing, but knowing that doesn't make it suck any less). Maybe it's the still drinking or recently sober folks who feel the most overwhelmed, and some support can go a long way.

What kind of recovery 'plan' do you follow? SMART, 12-step, etc? I know that you can get a lot of support via recovery groups, even gain a network of friends. Being a person that doesn't make or keep friends easily or well, going to a sort of 'guaranteed' acceptance and a structured group setting works better for me, anyway. A counselor, like someone else mentioned, could add valuable support, too.

I don't have a lot of wisdom; right now I'm just putting one foot in front of the other myself, and using the most recent tool from my shrink (EFT) for all I'm worth.

Hang in there - you're not alone.

MysticStylez36

I definitely know the feeling of not knowing who to turn to and being stuck in a vicious cycle and or catch 22... just keep building your support system and I PROMISE things will get better!

sweepee

i don't even know where/how to build a support system - unfortunately

sweepee

i don't have a recovery plan - not in recovery...every day i stress about it & think i'll do better today - i don't. i want out of where i am & think maybe then i could do better, but i'm alone....overwhelming!!

deeker

Little baby steps. Try an AA meeting. Keep coming in here. Just gotta walk thru ur fear and do what u know u have to do. Meetings will give you so much hope. You will not feel so alone once you get around people who know exactly how you feel. SR is also great for support. Just keep coming back and post. Maybe join the August Class. Ur not alone anymore my friend. PM me anytime. We don't do it alone, we do it together.

sweepee

i know AA...i've looked for meetings in my town. there's 1 @ noon @ a good location that would be a good time for me. i pass by there & there's a lot of cars. but i go by there on weekends & they must not have noon meetings then :/ but then i think about AA & i don't know i'm not religious. i was raised catholic & have real negative feelings about that religion

deeker

I was raised catholic too. Bad feelings too. AA is not religious. It is no one's business what you believe in. Here is a link to an AA Big Book, Why don't you check it out.

Big Book On Line - Table of Contents

Linked With Permission Of AA World Services, inc

sunrise1

Personally, I didn't have the strength to do it on my own. I found the best support being around people like me who understood what having a drinking problem meant. I went to meetings, found a sponsor and did my best to follow every direction I was given.

I know that what I'm writing here would be totally different if I didn't take those few timid steps to an AA meeting.

Although opinions vary widely about AA, I do believe most are more successful when they are using a plan with others rather than by themselves. Whether it's councilling, AA, or something else, they have one common denominator: Other people.

nancylee

Ok, I'm going to suggest you check out womenforsobriety.org online.i am 3 years sober tomorrow using it. I love it, because it is all about building ourselves up, and not looking back. We women get kicked around by society enough, and this is not your fault. Your husband is violent, and you want to get sober. You are a smart woman.

I am 51 years young - we still can have 40 good years ahead of us! Don't think of ourself as old, you are in your prime! Check out WFS and let me know what you think.

And don't drink. It helps nothing.
Nancy

doggonecarl

You need to believe you can, that's no. 1.

Two: You dont' need anyone else. I am of the belief we dug our hole, we need to climb out ourselves.

Three: Action. Sounds to me you are standing in your hole. Climb out. Do something. You say you aren't in recovery, don't have a plan. That's why you are stuck. You are doing anything to address this.

Put down the drink. You can do this!