Anoronha

I just realized I need to develop a closer relationship with god and become more god dependent. I am going to distance myself from my friends and sponsor I am worried I am becoming too attached. I try and call different people everyday so people don't feel weirded out if I call them daily. I want to be friends with people have good close friendships but remain detached at the same time. I don't know how to do this. Anyone else relate to this? I used to become friends with just anyone and be just so pleased when they paid me attention I lived for their calls and affection. Now I am different but I can still be that way sometimes. Sorry if this is posted in the wrong place. This is the main reason I drank because of childhood issues that made me feel worthless and that is why I let just anyone in my life I didn't think I was worthy to have good friends.

I am going to try and develop a better relationship with god and pray more.

Dee74

Is this really about you worrying you're becoming 'too attached' or is it you being frightened and not wanting to do your 5th step again?

I don't know the answer, but I think you need to work that out.
D

Bubovski

My old drinking friends were poor addicts like myself (frenemies).
Now I can be eclectic, even choosing, for a while, to offer some help to someone I don't like too much.
Also I can enjoy some solitude.

BarbieKen

A. I'm not buying it, but I don't matter here. Justification, rationalization is what I'm reading. Meditate, pray, soak in a tub. You know your own truth. Wishing you well. Bobbi

zjw

I get where your coming from. I was running out of ears to talk to. people got tired of listening to me but where just being polite. I would like you back off and try to lean on someone else etc.. it was a vicious cycle. I recently noticed the other side I love when people pay attention to me. to some degree. I was on FB and an old childhood friend friended me. A girl too one that I had a crush on etc.. Not only was she the ONLY child hood friend to friend me it was HER of all people! i was estatic. Not because I expect something to come of it I'm happily married etc.. but she was also a good friend. we had a nice chat etc.. I gave her my email and closed the FB acct. I hate FB anyway But I dont expect her to email me. I'm sure it was just all small talk for her meaningless bs I doubt i'll hear from her again. Tho it made my day chatting with her etc.. Maybe I should have told her that but I dont wanna put so much on someone these are my issues not hers.

I think part of my issue is I'm also out of friends at this point. Not that I do currently but I know over the years i've had the issue of sorta smothering people I guess. While most people are ok with the status quo of a friendship I'm always after something deeper and more meaningful. Its rare ya find that in another friend.

I also think my issue stems from childhood. I was made to feel worthless about myself. Told i'd never amount to anything oddly i accomplished IONS in my day and my day aint over yet. I also wasnt really allowed to have friends as a kid. Not like most kids with sleep overs and hanging out etc. it was rare i was allowed to do that stuff i was always in big trouble for something etc..

Mark75

Sounds like a plan!

Relationships that we make based solely on need, are bound for trouble... Because we can't be relied on to always give what the other person needs. Or to receive whatever it is we need at any given time.

God can, we can rely on Him.

tomsteve

the program teaches up that our relationship with God is the most important one we have( we trust infinite God rather than out finite selves).

im not sure what it means to have friendships but be detached.

"Anyone else relate to this? I used to become friends with just anyone and be just so pleased when theypaid attention to me and I lived for their calls and affection.

this tells me you got work to do. I personally don't think its a matter of this detatching thing. I think its a matter of working and living the program.

and this statement makes me believe my opinion:
"This is the main reason I drank because of childhood issues that made me feel worthless and that is why I let just anyone in my life I didn't think I was worthy to have good friends."

Boleo

When I "practice these principles in all my affairs", I include

Detach from the outcome - recognize that I have a limited role
Trust my HP - to do his/hers/it's part
Set boundary's - person's/places/things I will not waste my time with.

Johno1967

Yeah, I know what you mean. Its good to seek refuge with God and find that place deep inside yourself where serenity and calm exists. Our Faith is there to help us seek strength from our HP so that we can live as we feel God would have us live in peace and joy. I sometimes feel self pity and want to retreat to a quiet place where I can contemplate and commune with the Universal Principal, Inner Divine, God or whatever we want to call it, it doesn't matter as long as I'm separated from the calamity of the world. What does matter is that we don't keep what we don't give away. That is the beauty of it. The more you give, the more you get. A flower cannot hide in the shadows and blossom. As the serenity prayer says, "hardships are the pathways to peace". I don't like challenges but I pray for them as they test my faith and make it stronger. Buddhism for example teaches renunciation from attachments and self grasping obsession and self delusional thinking, but still teaches that compassion and love of all things is the highest motivation for achieving truth. When you think of it we suffer when we resist or avoid or grasp at things. By living in the now and being completely accepting of what is going on right now rather than becoming subservient to thoughts tied to regrets and pains of the past or worries of future you can achieve equanimity and emotional sobriety and thereby, true inner peace and serenity. You can be calm in the midst of a storm.
That's my plan anyway.
Blessings

davaidavai

I know what you mean. It's social anxiety and not knowing where you stand with people. It's not necessarily an alcoholic issue, but alcoholics sure can have it. Anyone can go through these problems.

I guess a while ago, maybe in my early 20s, I became more cautious with people, more self-contained. I made my friendships mean less, because I didn't see the feelings reciprocated. Now I see that I often feel very intensely and that I shouldn't necessarily expect reciprocation on that level, but then, and still ocassionally today, I feel crushed and confused.

For me, it has to do with just a kind of innocence and ignorance about how the world works and how people are, how to relate without making others feel uncomfortable, how to respect the integrity of difference and separation. These things are hard. And one common issue I hear discussed by alcoholics is that they often feel like they didn't have access to info like this which may seem common knowledge for others.

I think getting sober is about not living in extremes but finding a middle road. Maybe you don't have to totally distance yourself from your friends, but perhaps be conscious of overdoing it. I think this insight you are having is important. As humans, we have to feel things out and vacilate a little before we find the right balance. Trust your feelings.